Nrp claim to ctc and cb when having 3rd child

[ElChan03]

Hi all.... complicated life just got a bit more complicated.

My dp ew who is Nrp, dp has full residency and ew still has parental responsibility as court ordered.
I have another thread with full story of our situation.

She has just announced she is pregnant, so her 3rd child. She currently does not work and claims benefits, she does not pay csa and there are some definite issues with her commitment to contact with her existing children, dp two dc.

I was wondering whether her having this child would affect our circumstances as dp claims cb and tax credits, he works 10hpw and I work full time. I worry that she may affect our claim as they are her children and whether the new law about 3rd child not being included would fit into this circumstance?

I'm already so mad about this announcement considering all the past and how it's going to affect dsd... She already thinks mum doesn't care about her; let alone the financial pressures this may cause us if her having this child affects us.

I'm just venting as Mumsnet is only please I talk about this stuff. Am I just being stupid? I do not have any dc of my own btw.

On your point about having your own children though. This makes me sad. Please do push for having your own child. You cannot just serve others and their needs all the time.

I know you love your DP but if he doesn’t want to support you having a child as well as his existing children, then he is not being at all fair to you. I would consider that a big deal breaker.

Please don’t sink under other people’s neglect of their own children.

I took step kids on that had a totally selfish mother, who dumped them on me as much as she could - sending them over in the morning knowing full well DP worked full time. However I did have a child with DP. I often spread myself too thin though and my main SM regret was not standing up for me and my own kids needs more.

I hope you do the same.

Thank you for your kind message @bananasinpyjamas11

Will definitely keep in mind what you've said about having a child. Thank you.

Dp and I have spoken about formally adopting DSS because EW stated many times and in court that She does not want responsibility for dss and dp believes if something serious happened to him dss would be put into care. So we've talked about adoption in the past but I wasn't sure if I was ready to make that decision yet. I'm waiting until after we get married next year.

But I don't think that would be something Dsd would be on board with. She calls me her best friend and I'd rather she was happy with our relationship.

I don't want to be accused of slating EW but I do very much agree with what you said. I've never known anything like it...

Yes be wary of being the ‘good one’ and not getting your needs met. Good luck you sound great.

Has your dp considering increasing his hours your an effectively supporting him and his dc?

No. He needs a flexible job as dss needs full time care. So he can only work between the hours of 9 and half 2 and then have all the holidays etc. And to be able to leave at the drop of a hat if dss had a meltdown at school and needed to come home. He was volunteer at a special needs farm and they offered him permanent hours so as they are very flexible it works well for dss.
I kinda understood from the off I would end up being the primary earner when I moved in. I did just get a new job so earning a little bit more now which will be useful.

I honestly don't know how you've taken on this huge responsibility. I really couldn't do it. It's one thing having less money due to having children...but having less cash because of stepchildren...whose mother isn't really in their lives is more than I could handle.

It happened bit by bit. When I moved in she was paying 30 sporadically every 2 or 3 months. Then in the space of a month of moving in she got a new bf who is really abusive and then everything went rapidly downhill Dec 2016 time. I did have a very big wobble in September and I almost left because I just didn't think I could cope with it all. It's changed my life so much and sometimes I really wonder if it's all worth it. But I know deep down I've made a good difference to this family and I'm not sure my dp would manage all on his own. Dss alone is a 2 man job for personal care at times and if he is having a meltdown it's really tough.

I joined Mumsnet when I was really struggling and I found it really hard to cope. I used to sit in my car outside the house and cry so no one would see. I kind of sucked it up and got on with it now. But I still need to vent sometimes... hence this post.

Posters can be really awful about step mums on here and when you're like me and each month something new comes up it's just ahhh what's the point.