Bio mum from hell

[Welshchloe]

Hi all

I need some advice me and my fiancé have been living togeather for a year and been togeather for 2 years. He has his 2 daughters with his ex and has them 2 days a week (one week it’s Tuesday night till Thursday and the weekend the other), they are 8 and 5. On Christmas we have them on Christmas Day night and Boxing Day.

My relationship with the girls are amazing (don’t have kids of my own). But the bio mum is one of the nastiest person on the earth and don’t like me because of the way the girls are with me. The agreement they have is a personal one in writing and not through the court she thinks she can change it when ever she likes. She know how much this hurts my partner and does it for fun in my opinion.

When he goes to pick up the girls from hers I stay at home so I don’t see her so it don’t cause any problems.

Me and my partner are looking to get married next year and we wanted to have the girls as bridesmaids but for the last 2 weeks she has been saying that she is not letting them go to the wedding. We are at the point of if the girls can not go the wedding it’s just going to be a quick job at a regestry off with Just our parents and siblings with a meal after.

I know she don’t like the fact that we were togeather years ago before they got togeather but her issues are not my fault.

Has anyone got any advice how I can handle her

There are two people involved who will ultimately be adults for longer than they are children. They will make the decision about who they regard as a parent based on what they see.

OP call their mum a biomum and the nastiest person and I'm sure actively show your dislike and I expect they think very little of you. As children they may smile and be polite, but you aren't acting like a mum so don't be surprised if they never see you as one!

No not unsalvagable but id say unlikely.

We dont know that op expresses her views about the ex in front of the children.

Nor while the OP continues to equate parenting/step parenting with a popularity contest. I think she sounds like she has a lot to learn, she may want to do so, so people will post suggestions to that effect!

I didn't read the op like that at all. I dont think shes trying to compete with the ex for the kids affection at all. I read it that shes happy they gave a good relationship bit the ex is not (not uncommon)

Agree gingerbread.

*I ASKED if they had made arrangement or just been "WE WANT THEM THERE"
Its not a simple question or answe at all, have you ever been involved with planning a wedding where the parent(s) are busy being the B&G, quite a lot of planning goes into it its not just a matter of the kids showing up in cute outfits!

E.g. the MOG may offer, but from a friends bitter exoerience I can tell you she wont necessarily do a prompt toilet run if it means she'll miss the vows!!*

I can honestly say from experience that we had absolutely no need of 'logistical planning' at our wedding... and I And DH certainly would not be 'consulting' his ex wife. !

What DH does with HIS dcs on HIS time is no business of his ex wife anymore than SHE consults HIM about her activities when they are with her.

As for the ridiculous 'bio mum' argument. If you are offended, then the OP apologised hours ago and explained her reason for using the term.
If your 'offence' is read in terms of adoption then I'm afraid the argument is not valid - as adoption has not formed any part of this discussion.

Basic English comprehension dictates that in the absence of a straightforward understanding of a word by its dictionary definition , e.g. Bio-mum = Biological Mother, then context is everything. In this discussion the context is a discussion of step parenting. NOT ADOPTION !! but as already mentioned - The OP apologised for causing offence to those who felt offended anyway.. so going on is completely pointless. (Not to mention hugely ungracious in the face of an apology!)

... and we had 7 children. Aged 3-12 . No need for logistics because they were with their father (his) and their mother (mine) . We had 100 guests and at no point did anyone need to micro manage the children as they were with family and looked after by us all. !

around the kids I never insult there mother and if the girls are doing pictures for everyone (there must be 200 in a clip on the fridge) I always say don’t forget to make one for mummy.

About me and my partner we never cheated behind her back, I did not know they where over until 3 months after he moved back to his parents because I am a hairdresser and I do a bit of mobile stuff on the side and his mother is one of my clients (has been for the last 10 years) and I went to her house to cut her hair and he was there and we started talking.

So what makes her the nastiest person on earth?

BTW I agree that proper custody is arranged via the courts...preferably before the wedding.

I think it’s wise to have very minimal contact and as much court ordered formality as possible if one parent is being spiteful. It takes away a lot of the opportunities for manipulating.

How very disappointing to read some of the responses on this post to someone looking for some genuine advice.
Some crazy assumptions and accusations being made by most likely a load of bitter ‘bio mums’ trying to justify their own disgusting act of preventing their own children from attending a celebration of love and unity.

Specific issues order without any delay.

@ChickenT2b Heya. This is a REAALLLLY old thread now