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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Bio mum from hell

113 replies

Welshchloe · 27/12/2017 09:18

Hi all

I need some advice me and my fiancé have been living togeather for a year and been togeather for 2 years. He has his 2 daughters with his ex and has them 2 days a week (one week it’s Tuesday night till Thursday and the weekend the other), they are 8 and 5. On Christmas we have them on Christmas Day night and Boxing Day.

My relationship with the girls are amazing (don’t have kids of my own). But the bio mum is one of the nastiest person on the earth and don’t like me because of the way the girls are with me. The agreement they have is a personal one in writing and not through the court she thinks she can change it when ever she likes. She know how much this hurts my partner and does it for fun in my opinion.

When he goes to pick up the girls from hers I stay at home so I don’t see her so it don’t cause any problems.

Me and my partner are looking to get married next year and we wanted to have the girls as bridesmaids but for the last 2 weeks she has been saying that she is not letting them go to the wedding. We are at the point of if the girls can not go the wedding it’s just going to be a quick job at a regestry off with Just our parents and siblings with a meal after.

I know she don’t like the fact that we were togeather years ago before they got togeather but her issues are not my fault.

Has anyone got any advice how I can handle her

OP posts:
GingerbreadMa · 27/12/2017 12:55

She is their mum. Bio mum implies adopted

Who have you proposed will look after the girls at your wedding? Have you thought it through? The girls will need someone else who they are familiar with to look after them while youre busy doing B&G things, have you actually considered this?

Enidthecat · 27/12/2017 12:58

It definitely is your issue.

Bio mum in regards to step parenting doesn't imply adopted at all. It implies adopted when youre talking about adoption.

DullAndOld · 27/12/2017 12:58

no she hasnt, she just wants them wearing little matching dresses, looking cute, never mind who will look after them or what they will eat, it would seem.

Enidthecat · 27/12/2017 12:58

Sorry how on earth do you know she hasnt?

GingerbreadMa · 27/12/2017 12:59

Who are the girls going to stay with on your wedding night? Has your partner actually put anything suitable in place? Y'know like a sensible parent would? Or has he (or you) just stamped your feet and said you want them there without being the parent and thinking it through!

DullAndOld · 27/12/2017 12:59

Enid the term 'bio mum' suggests a mother with whom the children no longer live with, or even have a relationship with.

Enidthecat · 27/12/2017 13:00

dull no it doesnt. It means biological mother, which she is. Just as I am the biological mother to my child.

swingofthings · 27/12/2017 13:02

Yes on the face of it she sounds like a selfish nasty ex, but then did you say that you and your OH were together before they got together? If that's the case, then who knows what happened to get to that situation, and whatever did or did not happen will inevitably have some bearing over her feelings and resentment and therefore how supportive she is of your wedding.

GingerbreadMa · 27/12/2017 13:03

Enid you are being ridiculous, the prefix "bio" is only added when the children have a new mother due to being in care/adopted.

Do your resident children really call you "biomum" ? No, they dont do they? Because the prefix is redundant if you are still in your childrens lives

Heratnumber7 · 27/12/2017 13:03

Well, I'd stop calling her the "bio mum" for a start, if you want to get on with her. She is their Mum.
You are not even currently a step mum.

Enidthecat · 27/12/2017 13:05

No they call me mum. Ffs she used it on here to make things simpler not realising the professionally offended would rip her to shreds. I imagine she doesn't say hi (child's name) bio mum I would like (child's name) at wedding.

This is not the issue here!!

DullAndOld · 27/12/2017 13:09

yes but it's part of the issue and illustrative of her general attitude,
I am not 'professionally offended' just with plenty of step family experience, Suggesting that I earn a living from objecting to terms like 'bio mum' for a more or less full time single parent is just dumb,

GingerbreadMa · 27/12/2017 13:11

OP sounds like she relishes is being good cop "fun mum" and thinks that the girls mum objects to this out of jealousy, rather than the more likely scenario where having 2 days of "good cop" parenting a week at dads house is causing the GIRLS lots of problems the rest of the week

Being the "liked" "fun one" is not good parenting or step parenting. Its imature and selfish and not for the benefit of the children

Enidthecat · 27/12/2017 13:13

I'm not dumb thank you and I am a step parent myself so I'm not inexperienced either. It's not illustrative of anything. She responded to the posters that pulled her on it - she didn't mean to offend anyone so get over it.

The language you have used and the accusations you made are far more offensive quite frankly.

Enidthecat · 27/12/2017 13:14

ginger wow that's an incredible amount of assumption in one post. What on earth are you basing that on?

DullAndOld · 27/12/2017 13:15

I didnt say you were dumb, I said your statement was dumb. Maybe you are reading too quickly and missing a lot of the sense of things.

Enidthecat · 27/12/2017 13:16

No dull I just don't agree with your ridiculous posts.

MsGameandWatching · 27/12/2017 13:38

id say it was a non issue

And that is your prerogative. However it bothers more people than it doesn’t so you know...courtesy.

Enidthecat · 27/12/2017 13:42

You don't have to read this thread. Op disnt know it was offensive. Get over it

MsGameandWatching · 27/12/2017 13:50

You’re being terribly rude and abrupt for no reason. Wonder why?

Enidthecat · 27/12/2017 13:53

Im not being rude or abrupt and you can make whatever assumptions you like because they will probably be wrong.

Im Just pointing out ops explanation that you've all ignored. Maybe you could help with some actual advice that might help her?

What and what not to say on the internet is not going to help ensure that her step children get to go to their fathers wedding, which is the actual problem here.

MsGameandWatching · 27/12/2017 13:58

I haven’t ignored anything. The OP has responded far more politely than you, good for her. You’re the one stomping around telling everyone to get over it and trying to force your view that that’s not an issue. In fact I would say your belligerent posts are the main reason this thread is heading south.

Unicornfluffycloudsandrainbows · 27/12/2017 14:01

Bio mum is equally offensive as it sperm donator. It shouldn’t be used and posters were respectful in highlighting its inappropriateness of it. It’s hard to get a true picture of things but I sensed some goady under tunes in your op about their dm being jealous of their relationship. I see why dull will come to that conclusion. Are you respectful to their dm when they see you?

MsGameandWatching · 27/12/2017 14:03

OP. When next year are you getting married? Maybe their Mum will have come round a bit by then? Maybe it was said in the heat of the moment and is escalating now. I think huge amounts of sensitivity are required, unfairly, more on your side than hers. The goal is to get the children to your wedding. If it was me I would go very quiet about and just be as nice and low profile as possible. Then if all else fails book the wedding when you have the children, which is absolutely their father’s right to do.

lifeandtheuniverse · 27/12/2017 14:13

The wedding issue is a smoke screen - come on!

OP was with her DP in the past ( exactly how long we do not know?)
We do know he had 2 kids with another woman 8 and 5 yrs ago.
OP has been on the scene again for about 2 yrs.

To use the OPs words - the biomum does not like me because of the way the girls are with me. Yet she never sees the woman!!

There is so much we are not being told. I would hazard a guess, OP had an affair with the EXes then husband for more than a few years before he finally left and they have officially been back together for 2 + yrs. He did not just leave and they met up again!!!!!

Whilst withholding contact is wrong - I think the EX has more than a few reasons for her anger. Changing contact can actually be done for genuine reasons and not necessarily to hurt someone - but then OP has never been a single parent or parent so would not have a clue. For example, I changed contact with my DCs father - not to hurt him, but more the fact they were both shitting themselves and could not go far from a toilet, so the 2 hr drive to his was not happening, unless he wanted a poo filled car! I got from his then DP a foul message about my control issues and how much it hurt their family!!! As one then got hospitalised with dehydration -I think my malignant nastiness was justified!!!

the DP and his ex appear to have an amicable co parenting relationship going on and his DCs like her - which would not happen if the DM was as nasty as OP makes out.

Oh and biomum is deeply offensive when used in the context that the OP did. My DCs asked me what it meant , because EXs DP would use it when mentioning me to her DCs - this within 6 months became biobitch out of the mouths of her children.

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