Reality check needed

[ladyofassumption]

Hi all,

Been struggling recently, feeling envious of my ex's lifestyle. Starting to question the level of support I receive. Would love to hear if this is normal or what others receive.
We were never married - 1DC.
Ex pays above 'standard requirement in child support'
EEW arrangement - plus when I need extra he picks up the slack.
Plus
Pays private school fees +books + uniform
Buys clothes, trainers, toys, days out etc
Offers of overseas holiday for DC (I've never allowed DC to go, don't want to be apart for 2 weeks)
Buys Christmas/birthday gifts.
Will contribute or pay for birthday party.
Despite this I struggle, live hand to mouth and never have extra. I work part time.
Looking at his lifestyle I think I should be more comfortable, but have no idea how to go about claiming more. Any advice ?

[RebelRogue]

It always baffles me when people resent/hate their ex more than they love their child.

[loopdeeloo]

This is awful. My dd goes on holiday with her dad alone when I’m too busy with work to go and we’re still together! If we split that would continue.
How awful for a parent to put their material wants and personal jealousy before the positive opportunities available to their dc.
If you want a better lifestyle work ft. Plenty of people do including mother’s! In the meantime allow your dc the opportunities that many pp have said on here already would not be available to many dc.

[NorthernSpirit]

My OH’s EW stopped a foreign holiday (that had been agreed by her and then booked and paid for by their dad). She stopped it at 10pm the night before the children were due to go.

My OH took her to court for this (amoungst other breaches of the contact order) and a judge told the mother how selfish she was not putting the children’s best interests first. She was also told that if she continued this selfish behaviour the children would be taken off her.

Your son is not for you to control. He has a right to a relationship with his dad.

You talk on other threads about how you control and manipulate your son. Shame on you. I pity you. When your son is old enough this will come back to bite you.

My SC (now 12 and 9) are starting to realise how their mum has used them to get back at dad. We have never said a bad word to them about their mum. Karma is a wounderful thing.

[Pinkandpurplehairedlady]

I'm in a similar situation with my ex but I'm really appreciative of him never messing me around with money and I know he would never see the kids go without. I do sometimes get envious of his lifestyle but I know that he would swap with me in a heartbeat if it meant he got to live with his kids again.

[roundabout14]

I let my ex break court orders so my DC doesn't miss out on holidays.
He takes dc and gives false details every time but I let him go because why should dc miss out because dad is a total nob.
I can't give dc holidays as I to am skint.
He acts like lord of the manor, Pays fuck all towards dc bar what CSA chase him for but my dc loves him and one day will realise he is a nob like his other 3 children have done and disowned him near enough.
26 pound a week I get and he's a top manager. How he fiddles that I don't know.
Sorry op but I'd love it if I got what you got.
Just because you don't jet off to Hawaii won't make dc love you less, but by letting dc make own choices , freedom to go with dc wishes and supporting them will make dc respect you more . I'm always saying I can't afford. My children prefer being with me in a smaller house, a smaller car, a smaller tv etc etc because I give them my time not my money.

[PSMum2]

It is very sad that you are denying your son these amazing opportunities. I wonder what he will think when he finds out you stopped him from going on holidays and spending time with his father.

Your ex sounds like a saint, as does his wife.

You are setting yourself up to lose your son. You need to pull yourself together and sort out your life. Plenty of families don’t have money and manage to be happy and provide lasting (good) memories for their children. You sound like you don’t want to be bothered. Trust me, your son sees this. He may not know yet how to articulate it, but he does.

[Cantgetagoodusername]

Wow, entitled much? Your ex is doing above & beyond & most people would be more than happy with that. As people have said it's not his responsibility to support YOU, that's YOUR responsibility

At present you may be able to control & manipulate your DS, but he will get older & find his voice. He will then resent you for all the things he missed out on because you're jealous & bitter.

Don't be that person. Put the needs of your DS first. It's the right thing to do.

[Gem2018london]

To me he sounds like he's already going above and beyond financially. As long as your child is fed, clothed, warm and happy there is no issue here :) You are separated, whatever lifestyle he has is his lifestyle, whatever one you do with yours, is yours. Don't ruminate on him and his lifestyle, it will only stress you out. Forget finances and luxuries, the real happiness is in quality time with children anyway!