Reality check needed

[ladyofassumption]

Hi all,

Been struggling recently, feeling envious of my ex's lifestyle. Starting to question the level of support I receive. Would love to hear if this is normal or what others receive.
We were never married - 1DC.
Ex pays above 'standard requirement in child support'
EEW arrangement - plus when I need extra he picks up the slack.
Plus
Pays private school fees +books + uniform
Buys clothes, trainers, toys, days out etc
Offers of overseas holiday for DC (I've never allowed DC to go, don't want to be apart for 2 weeks)
Buys Christmas/birthday gifts.
Will contribute or pay for birthday party.
Despite this I struggle, live hand to mouth and never have extra. I work part time.
Looking at his lifestyle I think I should be more comfortable, but have no idea how to go about claiming more. Any advice ?

[Gem2018london]

To me he sounds like he's already going above and beyond financially. As long as your child is fed, clothed, warm and happy there is no issue here :) You are separated, whatever lifestyle he has is his lifestyle, whatever one you do with yours, is yours. Don't ruminate on him and his lifestyle, it will only stress you out. Forget finances and luxuries, the real happiness is in quality time with children anyway!

[Cantgetagoodusername]

Wow, entitled much? Your ex is doing above & beyond & most people would be more than happy with that. As people have said it's not his responsibility to support YOU, that's YOUR responsibility

At present you may be able to control & manipulate your DS, but he will get older & find his voice. He will then resent you for all the things he missed out on because you're jealous & bitter.

Don't be that person. Put the needs of your DS first. It's the right thing to do.

[PSMum2]

It is very sad that you are denying your son these amazing opportunities. I wonder what he will think when he finds out you stopped him from going on holidays and spending time with his father.

Your ex sounds like a saint, as does his wife.

You are setting yourself up to lose your son. You need to pull yourself together and sort out your life. Plenty of families don’t have money and manage to be happy and provide lasting (good) memories for their children. You sound like you don’t want to be bothered. Trust me, your son sees this. He may not know yet how to articulate it, but he does.

[roundabout14]

I let my ex break court orders so my DC doesn't miss out on holidays.
He takes dc and gives false details every time but I let him go because why should dc miss out because dad is a total nob.
I can't give dc holidays as I to am skint.
He acts like lord of the manor, Pays fuck all towards dc bar what CSA chase him for but my dc loves him and one day will realise he is a nob like his other 3 children have done and disowned him near enough.
26 pound a week I get and he's a top manager. How he fiddles that I don't know.
Sorry op but I'd love it if I got what you got.
Just because you don't jet off to Hawaii won't make dc love you less, but by letting dc make own choices , freedom to go with dc wishes and supporting them will make dc respect you more . I'm always saying I can't afford. My children prefer being with me in a smaller house, a smaller car, a smaller tv etc etc because I give them my time not my money.

[Pinkandpurplehairedlady]

I'm in a similar situation with my ex but I'm really appreciative of him never messing me around with money and I know he would never see the kids go without. I do sometimes get envious of his lifestyle but I know that he would swap with me in a heartbeat if it meant he got to live with his kids again.

[NorthernSpirit]

My OH’s EW stopped a foreign holiday (that had been agreed by her and then booked and paid for by their dad). She stopped it at 10pm the night before the children were due to go.

My OH took her to court for this (amoungst other breaches of the contact order) and a judge told the mother how selfish she was not putting the children’s best interests first. She was also told that if she continued this selfish behaviour the children would be taken off her.

Your son is not for you to control. He has a right to a relationship with his dad.

You talk on other threads about how you control and manipulate your son. Shame on you. I pity you. When your son is old enough this will come back to bite you.

My SC (now 12 and 9) are starting to realise how their mum has used them to get back at dad. We have never said a bad word to them about their mum. Karma is a wounderful thing.

[loopdeeloo]

This is awful. My dd goes on holiday with her dad alone when I’m too busy with work to go and we’re still together! If we split that would continue.
How awful for a parent to put their material wants and personal jealousy before the positive opportunities available to their dc.
If you want a better lifestyle work ft. Plenty of people do including mother’s! In the meantime allow your dc the opportunities that many pp have said on here already would not be available to many dc.

[RebelRogue]

It always baffles me when people resent/hate their ex more than they love their child.

[Dollyparton3]

Has it occurred to you OP that your ex’s new wife may be contributing to all the support you get and your child financially? Because that’s what happens in our house.

I work full time, therefore we have more disposable income and the kids get a lot more treats now that their dad could ever afford 5 years ago when he was on his own, that comes from our joint financial contributions which also go towards pocket money, days out, clothes, food, holidays etc. We’re even saving jointly for their saving accounts and car funds.

If I was you sat at home not working I’d be thankful that the new wife works full time, not jealous that she “doesn’t need to”. She probably does need to in order to support the ex wife of the poor man she married and not bankrupt them in the process.

[AuntLydia]

A reverse is where someone writes a thread, supposedly from the other person's point of view, but they are always so ridiculously obvious that there's no point doing them. In this case it reads as if the current wife is writing it about the husband's ex because she is so blatant about wanting her ex's money for her own lifestyle.

[GeorgeTheHamster]

You're probably eligible for tax credits as the maintenance isn't taken into account, though it will be in a few years when they get universal credit fully up and running.

You're also an example of why a woman should never have a child with a high earner and compromise her earning capacity without being married.

[TwoDots]

Is this the same poster who wanted her ex back a few weeks ago?

[inthenameotheweeman]

FFS get a grip! This is your third post this week on the same theme. You’re bitter and twisted and I hope your DS sees through you pretty damn quick.

[Magda72]

What exactly is a reverse?
Confused.

[FedUpWithBriiiiiick]

I know it's been refuted but OH MY GOD REVERSE

[AnneLovesGilbert]

It’s the third of its type magda so I think it might be, and it is interesting if so to hear an ex’s side of the story when the MN masses prefer to pretend grasping people of the sort a lot of divorced parents and their subsequent wives/partners are dealing with are fantastical or an exaggeration. So many people assume it’s a reverse or can’t be true. If only...

[AnneLovesGilbert]

Oh it’s you... Worried you won’t be able to manipulate your teenage son for much longer.

I posted on your thread about Christmas and didn’t realise the bigger picture. Including your ex paying the deposit on your house because you don’t want to work enough to stand on your own two feet and be a responsible adult.

Part of me feels quite sorry for you, you’re stuck in wanting what your ex has even though you don’t want him, but I’m equally appalled by your blinding entitlement, selfishness, jealousy and possessive attitude to your child.

A reality check you say? Appreciate how much your ex does for you when he owes you nothing, what he does for his son and the opportunities he’s trying to give him. And a gentle reminder that all the extra stuff over child maintenance could disappear any day and will definitely stop in a few years when your son turns 18 and the gravy train comes to a halt as anything your ex gives your son will go directly to him.

How are you going to pay your bills then? Why does you teen need you at home now meaning you can justify working part time even though you can’t afford it? You’re not the first person to think that having shared a child with someone they’re now separate from means they owe you whatever lifestyle you fancy forever. But you know it’s highly unreasonable and it’s not going to last forever. Your ex sounds like a decent man, a good dad and a hell of a reasonable ex!

Let you son have a happy, full life. Dear god let him go on nice holidays, why wouldn’t you? Yes you’ll miss him but you’ll cope fine and he’ll be happy you’ve let him make his own decisions and had wonderful opportunities. It’s not going to be easy loosening the apron strings but it’s the best thing for your son and for you. You want him to enjoy spending time with his mum, sharing parts of his life with you. Not doing it out of guilt or obligation.

[Magda72]

His wife doesn't need to work (but she does) and she doesn't have a child to care for. ....
OP - people work for many reasons. Has is ever occurred to you that his wife may love her job, want a career, or wish to contribute to their household?
You have massive issues & you honestly sound quite unhinged which really makes me wonder if this thread is 'real'.

[NorthernSpirit]

Yes, you do need to get a grip.

How old is you son? 10 / 11? He’ll be making his own choices very soon.

Why should your ex support you? You weren’t married and even if you were he has no responsibility to support you. He only has a responsibility to support his child. You need to get some self respect and realise that no one owes you a living. It’s upto you to support yourself.

His wife doesn’t need to work but does. Good on her. She has self respect and is independent. Qualities you should be displaying to your own child. She sounds like a good role model.

You hate the idea of your EX’s wife going on holiday. Get a grip. He’s moved on and got married. You need to detach emotionally and get on with your own life.

[Belleoftheball8]

You need to stop the self pity threads get off your arse and do something. Get a full time
Job, encourage your son to have a loving relationship with your dad.

[DullAndOld]

get a job and let your child go on holiday with his father.
fgs private school fees etc etc!!

[cheesypastatonight]

Why do you think it's okay to be so selfish?

[elland]

Do you not think you should put your child's feelings ahead of your own? He won't forget any of this when he's an adult and he'll resent you for not letting him do these things, which parent do you think he'll choose to spend his time with then?

You are not doing any of you any favours.

[Belleoftheball8]

Your a disgrace op. Your ex doesn’t owe anything. I worked full time with a one year old as a single mother.

[BritInUS1]

YABU

You are getting more than most people get to give your child a good lifestyle.

You are struggling because you don't want to get a job because you want to spend time with the DC - you need to go and get a job

You are also being very selfish denying your child overseas holidays because you don't want to be apart from him. I think you need a reality check on this and let him go and have new experiences