Teenage step son going into care

[Pandabear123]

Hi all, my husband has 2 children living very far away from us. We don't get to see them very regularly but we skype them 3 times a week. The older boy has lots of mental health problems which his mother just hasn't managed at all... long and short is she is now giving him up to full time residential care. It is all very sad and stressful but not a total surprise - this has been coming for a few years now as he is totally out of control. My question is, if he is on care full time, where does our child maintainence go? We pay £250 per child - will his now go to the government? Continue to go to a mother who no longer has him? Does it stop? Can we set up a bank account for him instead??

OP has explained it lunar1. This is a situation that you clearly cannot understand so either answer the question she has asked or keep your opinions to yourself.
Apologies OP but I don't have a answer to your question but was irritated by some of the replies on this thread.

There other two children have a home and a mother..... Do you get it now???

Lunar, the older two have a home, with their mother, and the OP says they looked into taking over residence a few years ago (prior to their baby) and the older two, understandably, did not want to move overseas away from their friends.

Why on earth your first solution to an adolescent with severe MH difficulties was for him to ove overseas against his wishes, and for his father to move out of his house, away from his wife and other child, and give up his job to become his full-time carer, against SS advice... I can only assume you don’t have much experience with severe MH problems.

panda You should know that on the step parenting board you will be given a very hard time especially if your DH hasn't ripped out his own kidney and sold it to pay for his FIRST BORN children who are more important than absolutely anything in the entire world. Ever.

My niece went into care for similar reasons. SS provided her with an awful lot of pocket money (far too much for her mum's liking) and on that basis I would get your DH to speak to DSS's mum and see how she would feel about the money being put by for the lad. However, knowing that the one DSS will have a savings pot while the other won't would it be better to split that money 50/50 and open two accounts?

I don't know how his mum is financially so the priority is to make sure she can still cope without that additional money but certainly he should know that he's not forgotten about. Right now he needs the support mental health services can give him rather than money.

I hope everything works out. It's very hard for all concerned when a child needs to go into care and especially hard when it's something that's outwith anyone's control such as severe mental health problems. My niece was so violent, so aggressive, stealing, absconding and completely out of control. My sister has two other girls who are nothing like this, it's not a parenting issue, it's a mental health issue and with the best will in the world, you can't help unless you are a qualified MH worker.

Bloody hell I think I've read it all now

Move out??

A decision to place DSS into residential care would not have been taken lightly & would no doubt have been a last resort. This poor lad obviously suffers severe mental health problems which the only option is residential care.

OP, ignore the harsh posters, they obviously have limited knowledge of true mental health.

I don't know where you stand for payments but if others are correct that you wouldn't have to pay I would split it half to DSS Mum & half for DSS for his future.

The way some people are responding to the OP on this thread is what is driving decent users off MN. The poisonous, attacking and stupid ones remain and the place continues to deteriorate. It’s a real shame. I used to post prolifically on here. I’d never start a thread these days asking for advice the way I used to.

OP.

Just wanted to add some support for you and to say I get that the advice you are looking for here is practical because you have support and advice elsewhere for all the other issues you are going through

I hope your SS gets the help he needs

I'll leave this here for the not so kind posters

I think you need advice on both the financial aspects and the care aspects in the Irish system rather than the UK.

There are huge issues with care for children with severe mental health problems in Ireland.