Does this court order sound fair to you?

[TickingTimeBomb2017]

DP has 50/50 residency of his DD.

DP changed his DDs school in January due to no longer being able to afford private school fees (an occupation order stripped him of his home). After changing his daughter's school to a very good state school the court ordered that he must collect his daughter from school every day (3.15pm) and deliver her to her mother at 5.30pm as her mother does not drive (the school is a 20min bus ride away from her). This was said to be a temporary order to be reassessed in a court hearing in April.

The court hearing was today and the judge has decided that nothing will change. So essentially, we have SD every single day and cannot ever plan a weekday together as a couple. (We have her every other weekend too).

I am 22 weeks pregnant and was looking forward to our final months together as a couple before having a newborn. This has been well and truly shat on.

DP doesn't seem to care; I feel as though I am just a vessel to him - that he's not actually interested in the relationship. I just don't know what to do. I have no power in this scenario.

[swingofthings]

Yep drip feeding indeed! Funny how there was no reference to any such issues in the original OP not even in the first two pages. Sorry if the issue really is related to DV but I don't believe it and think that's the real issue is jealousy of the attention given to the child. Why post to complain about your partner not giving you enough time when you are scared of them? Doesn't make sense.

[usernumbernine]

Clearly you have limited understanding of abusive relationships, swing. You should count yourself very lucky indeed to be in such a fortunate position.

[WannaBe]

OP is very much echoing what posters are saying to her. At the beginning of the thread she states that she's unhappy that they're not getting time together now that they're expected to have the daughter every day after school. It was only after posters started suggesting that he was controlling that the OP has started saying "oh yeah, I realise now/must leave him now/he's obviously been feeding me a line all this time." Whereas what it actually looks like is that the man and his wife split up (were you the OW OP?) and she left the family home or perhaps he threw her out, who knows. Then she gained an occupation order to be able to move back into the family home, and out of revenge he cancelled the private school fees and moved the daughter to a school of his choosing.

Meanwhile the OP had happily moved into the former marital home even though steps were ongoing for the ex to gain an occupational order, fell pregnant with his child, and now that things are not going her way she's stamping her feet and having a go at the ex.

I agree with swing

And as for

"When I signed up to this relationship, I signed up to 50/50." showing your true colours again there OP. There's no doubt that the father is a selfish arse. But the OP is no better and is no victim. When you get together with someone with children you don't sign up to what access is in place at the time, you get together with someone who is a parent on the understanding that they're a parent full-time, even if they don't always see the kids. Get used to it. I'm sure that if you get together with someone else you won't appreciate being told that he signed up to whatever access arrangement you put in place with this particular one....

[needsahalo]

Really? As an ex with an ex who has had a number of partners who have all fallen for this shit, I can't help but just want to scream 'what the fuck is wrong with you?' So many women prepared to stand back and watch another woman and a child quite seriously abused and the best reasoning for accepting that is 'she gets all the tax credits' or 'I want some attention'.

I know this is how abuse works but really? When will it stop? When will women start to stand up for themselves and not accept this shit in their lives? Why do so many women feel more comfortable laughing their heads off at another woman's misery than dealing with the reality that yes, he really is that kind of man and you can't change it. Love won't change it. Loving him more than her won't change it.

OP - just get out. If you were in any doubt just think about what kind of shit just changes his child's school without any discussion with the mother. And then think how that will feel when it's you. Because the longer you stand there watching and doing nothing, the more you are saying 'it is OK for her so it's OK for me'.

[Underthemoonlight]

I also agree with swing and Wannabe op has changed her posts to suit. Her main gripe was the lack of time she had with her dp, surely if someone is abusive or controlling you want to be around them as little as possible. The main focus was her dp attention to his dd and playing second fiddle. I also think Wannabe hit the nail on the head with regards to what actually happened to the ex and having to obtain her house again she had to go through the courts just to regain access to her home which suggests to me that there's more than meets what op is actually saying.

[Violetcharlotte]

Ticking reading this makes me really sad. This mans contact arrangements for his child are the least of your worries right now. You're pregnant and he's abusive. You need to seriously think about whether this is the life you want for yourself no your unborn child? If not, get out now while you can. It'll be easier to do it now then with a newborn in tow.

[PatriciaHolm]

Where are your other children, OP? You mention elsewhere having 5 and 6 year olds....

[Bibidy]

I can't believe how harsh people are on this forum.

OP, I do think it's unfair that SD's mum is not picking her up from school on her allotted days, a 20 minute bus ride is not impossible, especially as your arrangement is 50/50 so it would presumably only be a couple of days a week.

That said, unfortunately your OH should have thought more of the practicalities when he was choosing another school for his daughter. As her mother doesn't drive and he does, it would have been far better all round to find a school within walking distance of mum, though I do understand the school he chose may be the better one. It doesn't seem like mum's going to start doing the pick up any time soon, so it seems he's a bit stuck here.

I understand your frustrations, but would also add that many people don't get home from work until around 6/7pm, so even after the school run you're still getting more time with your OH than many people do. Try and picture it as if he's at work instead and that may help.

xx

[FeelTheNoise]

OP didn't you have a thread a while back? This is ringing a bell. If I'm right, posters were working very hard to convince you that your DP had been abusive towards his XP

[ComputerUserNotTrained]

Hope you're at your mum's now op

[TalkingofMichaelAngel0]

Op whats happening now? Have you made any progres?

Im actually not suprised that his ex wont do pick ups Bibidy. He changed her school. He insisted on having her on mother's day, surely that was about waving his cock about, he pressured op onto having this baby, despite her not wanting another, he is controlling and abusive.

[Catrina1234]

Sorry I haven't read the whole thread but the OP seems to be getting a roasting. I just wanted to correct something I read on Page 1 or 2. Someone said that if the father's name isn't on the birth certificate he doesn't have Parental Responsibility PR) but that isn't strictly true. It is very easy for a man to get PR in the family court - it's just a matter of form filling.