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Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Step-parenting

Does this court order sound fair to you?

112 replies

TickingTimeBomb2017 · 19/04/2017 15:41

DP has 50/50 residency of his DD.

DP changed his DDs school in January due to no longer being able to afford private school fees (an occupation order stripped him of his home). After changing his daughter's school to a very good state school the court ordered that he must collect his daughter from school every day (3.15pm) and deliver her to her mother at 5.30pm as her mother does not drive (the school is a 20min bus ride away from her). This was said to be a temporary order to be reassessed in a court hearing in April.

The court hearing was today and the judge has decided that nothing will change. So essentially, we have SD every single day and cannot ever plan a weekday together as a couple. (We have her every other weekend too).

I am 22 weeks pregnant and was looking forward to our final months together as a couple before having a newborn. This has been well and truly shat on.

DP doesn't seem to care; I feel as though I am just a vessel to him - that he's not actually interested in the relationship. I just don't know what to do. I have no power in this scenario.

OP posts:

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tinydancer88 · 19/04/2017 16:27

This man has shown you what kind of parent and partner he is. I'd be very wary. I think the 'inconvenience' of him transporting a child (HIS child, many parents will do the school run every day AND live with their children full time, so how he feels hard done by I don't really get) to school each day is about to be the least of your problems.

usernumbernine · 19/04/2017 16:28

👍🤞op. Good call xx

And yes kerry we do seem to be on the same wavelength

HmmOkay · 19/04/2017 16:28

You are doing the right thing, OP.

TickingTimeBomb2017 · 19/04/2017 16:33

Update: Apparently the judge said today that DD will have to have a primary parent rather than 50/50, and they will sort that at the next hearing in August (my due date!)

This man has shown you what kind of parent and partner he is.

A shit partner, for sure. But shit parent? He had to change school due to financial necessity. He dotes on his DD. I'm the spare part here.

OP posts:

usernumbernine · 19/04/2017 16:35

He doesn't dote on his DD. he is using her to control. Everyone. You. His ex. Everyone. He's not a doting father.

TickingTimeBomb2017 · 19/04/2017 16:37

He's not a doting father.

I have to disagree there. He prefers spending time with his DD than me. He fights for as much time with her as possible. He loves kids.

OP posts:

usernumbernine · 19/04/2017 16:39

Oh sweetheart. He isn't a doting father. Spending time with her is about winning in his head. He's keeping her from his ex. It's a war. A competition. And he has to "win"

purpleprincess24 · 19/04/2017 16:40

How does she get to school in the mornings?

When did he actually leave his ex?

ItsNachoCheese · 19/04/2017 16:40

Run like fuck and do not ever look back

sunnysouthend · 19/04/2017 16:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

swingofthings · 19/04/2017 16:44

Are you for real OP? So your OH has decided that he would stop paying for his DD to attend private school? Why? Because he now has to support you and your newborn to be? He moves her to a school of his choice where his mother can access easily because she doesn't drive. He is happy to do the travel every day, and rightly so since it was his decision to pick this school.

But this is an inconvenience to you because you don't have your OH for yourself alone for 4 hours a day? Are you kidding? What do you think most women of FT partners do? Wait until they come home at 6pm. And doesn't his DD have school holidays, so time you then have him for yourself? The poor kid had to adjust to moving to a new school, mid year, having to make new friends but you think she has problems?

I have never read such a self-centered post. You sound self-obsessed and unrealistically demanding. I feel so so sorry for the child and your OH.

TickingTimeBomb2017 · 19/04/2017 16:45

Oh sweetheart. He isn't a doting father. Spending time with her is about winning in his head. He's keeping her from his ex. It's a war. A competition. And he has to "win"

It's hard to explain but he is quite immature and seems to connect better with children than adults. He says that spending time with his DD relaxes him and I believe him. Children respond well to him. He's playful and childish.

How does she get to school in the mornings?

Some mornings he takes her. Some mornings her mum takes her. So she is certainly capable of getting to the school!

When did he actually leave his ex?

2 years ago. Apparently she was jealous of his career was was also rude to his mother; so he fell out of love with her and they grew apart. That's the story he has spun me anyway.

OP posts:

usernumbernine · 19/04/2017 16:45

swing maybe read the rest of the op's posts

sunnysouthend · 19/04/2017 16:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

usernumbernine · 19/04/2017 16:47

Seriously op go to your mum and stay far away.

TickingTimeBomb2017 · 19/04/2017 16:48

Why? Because he now has to support you and your newborn to be?

He doesn't support me! I have my own income (albeit crap, but enough to maintain myself). He stopped private school because his ex got an occupation order and now his rent is significantly higher than his mortgage was.

Please don't pin this shit on me.

OP posts:

sunnysouthend · 19/04/2017 16:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HmmOkay · 19/04/2017 16:49

So you're not leaving him now?

sunnysouthend · 19/04/2017 16:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bringmesunshite · 19/04/2017 16:50

You talk about his daughter like she is a massive inconvenience to you and your relationship.

TickingTimeBomb2017 · 19/04/2017 16:52

Have you seen the evidence on which his ex got the occupation order?

Yeah, it's financial.

Does he talk about her with contempt? Does he paint her as mad, unstable and/or unreasonable?

You betcha.

So you're not leaving him now?

I am. Even if just for a week or so. I need some peace, which I will get at mums.

OP posts:

purpleprincess24 · 19/04/2017 16:53

If he left 2 years ago, why did private school only finish in January this year. If he hadn't been living there for 2 years the occupation order is irrelevant

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sunnysouthend · 19/04/2017 16:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GattoColorCioccolatto · 19/04/2017 16:54

Poor kid. Your OH is a cunt. Run.

TickingTimeBomb2017 · 19/04/2017 16:55

If he left 2 years ago, why did private school only finish in January this year. If he hadn't been living there for 2 years the occupation order is irrelevant

Sorry, I should have made this clear: She left him. He stayed in the house. Then, in Jan this year, she got an occupation order and kicked us out.

OP posts:

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