Does this court order sound fair to you?

[TickingTimeBomb2017]

DP has 50/50 residency of his DD.

DP changed his DDs school in January due to no longer being able to afford private school fees (an occupation order stripped him of his home). After changing his daughter's school to a very good state school the court ordered that he must collect his daughter from school every day (3.15pm) and deliver her to her mother at 5.30pm as her mother does not drive (the school is a 20min bus ride away from her). This was said to be a temporary order to be reassessed in a court hearing in April.

The court hearing was today and the judge has decided that nothing will change. So essentially, we have SD every single day and cannot ever plan a weekday together as a couple. (We have her every other weekend too).

I am 22 weeks pregnant and was looking forward to our final months together as a couple before having a newborn. This has been well and truly shat on.

DP doesn't seem to care; I feel as though I am just a vessel to him - that he's not actually interested in the relationship. I just don't know what to do. I have no power in this scenario.

What is your situation, OP? People might be able to advise better if they knew.

How long have you and your DP been together? I know you are pregnant but do you work at the moment? Have other children?

Presumably you live together? Is the house rented or owned? Whose name is the house in?

Thing is about the not on birth certificate, he will just go to court and get it anyway. The baby is his so it will happen if he asks for it in court. And he seems just the type to take it to court.

But the op can move. Now. Before the baby is born. And if I was her, I would. To wherever is as far away practically as she can. Lands end. John o groats.

Why don't you have main residency then?

Use cb, tax credits, maintenance etc for after school care, then you can pick her up at 5.30 or 6 like any working parent.

How long you been with him?

Just over a year.

And yes, the child is very disturbed - has been displaying regressed behaviour such as tantrums that one would expect from a toddler, needy and crying a lot. School say she presents as "sad".

I'm begging him to let her mother choose the school.

my heart bleeds. He's her parent. Why shouldn't he have his child after school?

It's supposed to be 50/50 and she is claiming all the benefits yet doing a third of the parenting.

Private school fees sound slightly at odds with child benefit and tax credits. Surely that's a moot point?

If I were you I'd leave , and move far ,far away ,how old is the unfortunate child in this scenario .

But he's clearly a high earner, or the child wouldn't have been at private school. And it's clearly him is the high earner, or the mother would have kept the status quo, so surely tax credits and child benefit are moot because he wouldn't get them?

X posts with kerry who is clearly thinking along the same lines as me.

So you got pregnant very quickly into the relationship could his dd be displaying signs of upset over your quick introduction new sibling on the way and the upheaval of a new school and losing old friends?

I am rarely one to advise this but I would opt to not put him on the birth certificate

Believe me, I've been considering this for months. We're not married.

Thing is about the not on birth certificate, he will just go to court and get it anyway.

I could pull out the stops. He has a large history of DV allegations from ex and I have a few (truths) I can bolster the case with. Sorry for the drip feed.

Use cb, tax credits, maintenance etc for after school care

Her mother claims all of that.

Oh that poor child.

The mother would probably like to do more but she can't because HE PICKED A SCHOOL THAT SHE CANNOT GET TO.

You are angry at the wrong person, OP. You should be angry at him.

I feel for you but you need to step back and let him sort it. I am guessing that he chose the school because he thought that you would be doing most of the pickups in the afternoon. I'm guessing you are not working at the moment and he just assumed it without talking to you. That is not on.

Why the hell are you with an abuser run just run

Oh love. You really need to leave. Do you have anywhere you can go? Are your family supportive?

I'm willing to bet he is at least ten years older than you. Get out before he grinds you down. Don't subject your child to this.

Why in the name of fuck are you having a baby with this man? You should run. Now. While you can.

Underthemoonlight it was the occupation order and change of school (both happened in Jan) which triggered DD's behaviour problems.

Stop digging holes and run

"He has a large history of DV allegations from ex and I have a few (truths) I can bolster the case with".

Oh then stop right there. Just leave. Don't look back. I'm sorry but this relationship can never work out. You need to concentrate on you and your baby.

If you leave now you can have a clean break.

If you wait until the baby is here he will have much more pull (and he sounds like he is the type) to stop you moving away or making any decisions.

Run like the wind.

Before the baby is born he can't stop you going far far away. Once the baby is here, on birth certificate or not, he can make that difficult for you and he sounds like the type of.

Have you family you can go to?

Poor child.

You are angry at the wrong person, OP. You should be angry at him.

Oh, I am angry at him. Angry, upset, scared.

Are your family supportive?

I can go to my mums and I'm packing up right now.

He's the same age as me though.

Me and Usernumber are sharing a brain this afternoon...

Oh well done OP. You are doing the right thing.