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Original poster

Moving to Ireland with kids to live with new partner

169 replies

Troubledmummy123 · 17/01/2017 08:29

Hi guys, really hoping I can get some advice here, been awake half the night hoping I'm making the right descion. Iv been currently seeing my amazing partner for 18 months, he is kind, honest, caring, hardworking and fantastic with my 3 children who are 3, 5 and 9, and like any children can sometimes be challenging, but he takes it all in his stride, (he hasn't got any children of his own) Only thing is he lives in Ireland. I am currently hoping to move over to live with him and my kids. He has a large family over there who are wonderful and have welcomed us so much, he has lots of nieces nephews and the children play together lovely. My partner is self employed and has built up a great business over the years. so it wouldn't really be an option for him to live here. I have fallen in love with where he lives and can definitely see myself living there, there are good schools and such lovely people. I am a nurse and am currently working full time days and nights trying to make ends meet, and sometimes feel like I never see the children there is work for me over there however I will not need to work until the kids have fully settled in and only part time then due to extra income from partner. BUT my ex partner see's the children twice a week currently, and will no way agree to me moving with the kids. So it will have to go through court.?He is a controlling person, and I have had to get The police involved on numerous occasions due to his abussive behaviour towards me, never the children though. He doesn't pay any maintenance, refuses to, even though he has a good wage. I am terrified about going to court and the influence he may have on the children as he has already said he will tell the children lies about me to turn them against me. And I know it's crazy and everyone has told me it won't happen, but what if he applied for custody and somehow got it, I will do anything for my kids and I'm honestly worried sick, Am I doing the right thing?

OP posts:
user1484317265 · 17/01/2017 12:24

However.....the nearest airport is a hefty distance and flights are not as cheap as you think

A hefty distance? Distances are relative, its an hours drive, which is not classed as a hefty distance if you live in Galway!

Patriciathestripper1 · 17/01/2017 12:36

treaclesoda. What I ment was it is still governed by England whereas Southern Ireland is classed as 'moving abroad as in a different country'

ElspethFlashman · 17/01/2017 13:08

Graceymac I'm in general and it's hell. Clearly that's where I've gone wrong!

Graceymac · 17/01/2017 13:12

Yes general seems to be under more pressure. I just had a post grad funded, got study leave. Take one day every other week as unpaid parental leave. All staff are qualified and mostly excellent. It obviously depends on the area.

TheCraicDealer · 17/01/2017 13:17

Here is a similar case that went to appeal in 2012 where the Mother (born in Dublin) attempted to remove the children from NI to go down South to her family. She was refused. If your ex wanted to fight this, based on what you've said and the amount of contact he has, I can't see how you'd get approval to move.

user1484317265 · 17/01/2017 13:18

treaclesoda. What I ment was it is still governed by England whereas Southern Ireland is classed as 'moving abroad as in a different country

Please stop calling it that. Southern Ireland means the southern part of the country of Ireland, it means Cork and Kerry etc. It does NOT mean the country of Ireland.
It's not difficult, and if you can't get the name of a country right, you really shouldn't be weighing in on whether people should move there or not.

Patriciathestripper1 · 17/01/2017 13:31

Ok the Republic of Ireland does that suite you uset?

TheCraicDealer · 17/01/2017 13:32

This is the case I was originally thinking of when I started looking. Circumstances are very similar, albeit mother was still in NI.

user1484317265 · 17/01/2017 13:38

Its not about what suits me, its just what the name of the country is. Republic of is better but I don't see why you're so confused when its just one word: Ireland. That is the name of the country.

SparkyBlue · 17/01/2017 13:41

OP I think you should go for it. Have you broached the issue with your ex?

SilverViking · 17/01/2017 13:49

Patriciathestripper1
treaclesoda. What I ment was it is still governed by England whereas Southern Ireland is classed as 'moving abroad as in a different country'

Oh dear Patricia, poor understanding or regretable choice of words...

Northern Ireland, Scotland an Wales have their own governments, but we also get to rule the UK too! Unlike the English who only get to rule the UK (or is the UK really England, as some believe)

Original poster
Troubledmummy123 · 17/01/2017 13:55

Not yet sparky, don't want to do so until I'm certain. Everything is so complicated

OP posts:
Patriciathestripper1 · 17/01/2017 14:04

Northern Ireland is a part of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland. Southern Ireland (Now the Republic of Ireland, previously the Irish Free State) separated from Northern Ireland in the 1922 partition. Ireland as a whole was part of the UK until partition. Is this a better choice of words for you silver and user ?

SparkyBlue · 17/01/2017 14:05

You should get some legal advice so you know officially where the land lies so to speak. Best of luck whatever you decide to do.

Patriciathestripper1 · 17/01/2017 14:10

op I made the move you are thinking of making. Just have all your ducks in a row and be sure you can show the courts that your move is in the best interests of the children any your health and wellbeing.

Ireland is only a ferry or plane ride from england and is a fabulous place to bring up children. It is very unlikely that the court would stop you especially if you were getting married or adding to your family with a new baby (not that you may be thinking that far ahead yet).

WannaBe · 17/01/2017 16:12

This isn't about whether he could stop you from moving, he can't. But he could stop you from removing the children and that would mean he would likely be granted residency.

Please don't take for granted the fact that you could automatically take the children. I know someone who recently lost residency of one of her children because she moved abroad to be with her husband, and in doing so split up a family as there were other siblings in the equation as well. The argument that lost her her child was the fact that there are biological family over here such as grandparents and cousins, and that the new partner's family were not a substitute. Even if she'd chosen to stay after that the outcome was final and the residency of the child was awarded to the father.

Personally I would never remove my child from a regular relationship with their father, new partner or not. In fact with such young children it would potentially be a deciding factor as to whether or not `I embarked on a relationship as a LDR for the next fifteen years just wouldn't work for me if I had a three year old.

MuchasSmoochas · 17/01/2017 16:31

For goodness sake User there is a north and a south of Ireland. You're being terribly pedantic.

user1484317265 · 17/01/2017 16:34

Its not pedantic. and there is not. There is Ireland, and there is Northern Ireland. There is no such thing as "Southern Ireland". Is Donegal South of anything? No.
Getting the name of country right is not pedantry, its basic courtesy. Calling it southern Ireland and thinking that isn't rude is like saying Scotland is in England, cos its all, Britain innit, same thing, don't be so pedantic.....Hmm

Don't call people pedants when you are wrong, and rude with it.

MuchasSmoochas · 17/01/2017 16:35

Anyway if the courts think it is in the best interests of the child you should be allowed to go. I'd go for it, just make sure you're able to come back if it doesn't work out. But I really hope it does.

user1484317265 · 17/01/2017 16:36

Northern Ireland is a part of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland. Southern Ireland (Now the Republic of Ireland, previously the Irish Free State) separated from Northern Ireland in the 1922 partition. Ireland as a whole was part of the UK until partition. Is this a better choice of words for you silver and user

No, because you are still calling it "Southern Ireland". There is no such place and only rude Brits use this term.
The name of the country is Ireland. It's really very simple, its only one word for you to remember. Is it so hard?

Patriciathestripper1 · 17/01/2017 16:37

I think goady fucker is more appropriate.

MuchasSmoochas · 17/01/2017 16:38

I'm really not being rude. It's common parlance to refer to the Republic as the South. Yes of course we know that some parts of the North are more southern than, say, Donegal. I come from the North and refer to the Republic as the South. And Northern Ireland is clearly in the North of Ireland.

Patriciathestripper1 · 17/01/2017 16:41

You mean Eire? If you want to be correct? And it is rather remiss of you to call brits rude as that is a rather goady blanket statement.

Patriciathestripper1 · 17/01/2017 16:44

The terms Republic of Ireland (ROI), the Republic or the South are often used when there is a need to distinguish the state from the island or when Northern Ireland (NI or the North) is being discussed.

ElspethFlashman · 17/01/2017 16:45

OH MY GOD YOU GUYS.

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