Moving to Ireland with kids to live with new partner

[Troubledmummy123]

Hi guys, really hoping I can get some advice here, been awake half the night hoping I'm making the right descion. Iv been currently seeing my amazing partner for 18 months, he is kind, honest, caring, hardworking and fantastic with my 3 children who are 3, 5 and 9, and like any children can sometimes be challenging, but he takes it all in his stride, (he hasn't got any children of his own) Only thing is he lives in Ireland. I am currently hoping to move over to live with him and my kids. He has a large family over there who are wonderful and have welcomed us so much, he has lots of nieces nephews and the children play together lovely. My partner is self employed and has built up a great business over the years. so it wouldn't really be an option for him to live here. I have fallen in love with where he lives and can definitely see myself living there, there are good schools and such lovely people. I am a nurse and am currently working full time days and nights trying to make ends meet, and sometimes feel like I never see the children there is work for me over there however I will not need to work until the kids have fully settled in and only part time then due to extra income from partner. BUT my ex partner see's the children twice a week currently, and will no way agree to me moving with the kids. So it will have to go through court.?He is a controlling person, and I have had to get The police involved on numerous occasions due to his abussive behaviour towards me, never the children though. He doesn't pay any maintenance, refuses to, even though he has a good wage. I am terrified about going to court and the influence he may have on the children as he has already said he will tell the children lies about me to turn them against me. And I know it's crazy and everyone has told me it won't happen, but what if he applied for custody and somehow got it, I will do anything for my kids and I'm honestly worried sick, Am I doing the right thing?

It does sounds very soon in the relationship to move your young children to another country. Perhaps you should seek advice from the CAB re the legal aspects. How will the children feel about leaving their dad in another country?
A previous poster raised concerns regarding the differences between the two countries. I think that depends on where you live. In rural areas I would agree but if you live in or near a city there are fewer differences. I have lived in Ireland for last 10 years and would find it hard to leave now. My dds were born here. It is a great country for kids to grow up in. The flights are not as cheap as has been quoted unless you are flying on random days. I don't fly to the UK that often because of the costs. The last time I flew to uk the flights for 5 of us were €250 without check in luggage and that was a good deal. It's costly to do every three weeks.

Definitely more to consider if it is South. Tax, healthcare, benefits, schooling, all very different.

Even if the flights were 20€ (each way?) that's 160€ every three weeks

If you don't sell your house are you going to rent it out? If so, where will you stay for the two or three nights that you're back in the uk?

Tax is not a major deal, it's a little bit more but not that much diffence in wages. You would pay tax in the country that You reside in if house rented out in UK. Health insurance is advisable, about €2500 a year for a family of 5. Schooling, well you just apply to the school. None of those issues are major obstacles really. The main issue is that the kids and the dad are ok with it.

Don't get me wrong he doesn't just stay weekends we have all just spent 9?days together Ireland in return my eldest son said to me mum I think you should marry him, I understand we need to put more work in but hope to do so over the next 12 months

I sound like a complete air head don't I just reading back, thanks for all the advice. I really do need to hear it. It's just heartbreaking but I would always put my children first.

Which part of the south are you planning to live in?

Galway, west coast

I would give it more time op and see how you are in the 18months.

That's where I live, I love it.

How old is your son? He shouldn't really be involved in your relationship to that extent, I hope there hasn't been any leading questions or discussions involving him regarding marriage - way too much responsibility for a child

The thing is, 9 days is a holiday, you can put up with things for 9 days, because you know there's an end point, it even makes it more 'romantic'.

It's very different to living together permanently

North or South?

There is only one Ireland. The Republic of, heard of it? NI is part of the UK.

I would go, OP. Doesn't sound like your ex would go to the bother of going to court, and its a difficult process to get you back after you're gone. Ireland is a much better country to raise children in.

Jesus costa, no I have not mentioned marriage to my 9 year old son!! We have took things very slow! think he is just glad to see me happy instead of being constantly screamed at and put down by his father!

Only you know what is the best fit for you and your family OP.
I would look into the legal side a bit more then make a decision with along with your children, good luck

If you do decide to move over at some point feel free to PM me. I am a nurse too so I could advise on application process to HSE etc. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Well that's ok then, just seemed an odd thing for a child to say out of the blue

What about looking at it in a different way. Would you want to move to Ireland without the boyfriend in the picture? Could you move nearby but without moving in with him? Give you the opportunity to see if the relationship is going somewhere, but keeping your independence and committing to a life there even if it doesn't work out with him?

See, I think you have this well planned out and I would go for it, move to Ireland!
Especially if the twice a week thing your ex just dumps them with his mum and you have to provide food!

Start on the maintainence now, legally they can take it from his wage, he has to pay it.

I moved countries at the ages of your children and my siblings, did me no harm and I don't understand once people start primary school you are locked into that village until they are 18.

Reduce the contact now, tell him once a week/has to provide them food. Do it via email/text just asking if the situation is going to remain the same with 2 visits a week with you having to send them with food to go to his mums. Will be evidence in the long run.

Sounds like your children are happy to move to Ireland and in your relationship, they see the family life they don't have with their father.

Go for it

WOW Sil

He might be a shit parent by most peoples standards but his children will still love him and the cold way you talk about their contact with their father and just reducing it shows you have no thought for how this will affect DC.

I would go for it too!

Make sure you've your own independence too, but there's nothing like an Irish man & no place like Galway

I'm currently in NI so may be biased. Just plan it all properly & make sure the children have access to their dad.

Also - sending your kids to their dad's with a packed lunch????

He really needs to grow up!

If it is to Northern Ireland he can't stop you moving as it's still classed as England.
If it is to the south (republic) you with have to go through the courts. Start the process now. It would be better from the courts view if you were at least engaged to be married and you have school ect lined up.
ypu have every right to move on with your life and wish you well. Ireland is fantastic for children and the Irish are great

Really raccoon?
The eldest child will be aware that mummy marrying new partner would mean a move to Ireland and the children will be very aware of their fathers feelings getting sent to grannies every visit. Don't underestimate the effect that a child will get their hopes up twice a week that daddy will actually want to keep us for this visit.
It will also be heightened by seeing the love and affection they get from new partner and family making their own father seem cold.

The cutting down the visiting might encourage the father to spend once a week with his children rather than twice a week at grannies.

I saw my "D"F once a week, moved countries with visiting in place for once a month extended, he did it once gave up and saw once a year for a week in the summer. Yes it was sad but as children we knew daddy didn't want to and enjoyed our new life.

OP talk to your children age appropriate about what a move would involve when the time is right.

GraceyMac - aren't there issues with getting kids into schools if they don't have baptism certificates? what if they are (shock) prod baptism certificates? Have heard of this issue with friends moving to Dublin but it may be the massive pressure on public schools round there with Facebook adn Google and amazon piling thousands of employees in round there?

If it is to Northern Ireland he can't stop you moving as it's still classed as England.

No, it's not. Just the same as Scotland isn't classed as England.

It's still the UK but it's definitely not England.