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Original poster

Moving to Ireland with kids to live with new partner

169 replies

Troubledmummy123 · 17/01/2017 08:29

Hi guys, really hoping I can get some advice here, been awake half the night hoping I'm making the right descion. Iv been currently seeing my amazing partner for 18 months, he is kind, honest, caring, hardworking and fantastic with my 3 children who are 3, 5 and 9, and like any children can sometimes be challenging, but he takes it all in his stride, (he hasn't got any children of his own) Only thing is he lives in Ireland. I am currently hoping to move over to live with him and my kids. He has a large family over there who are wonderful and have welcomed us so much, he has lots of nieces nephews and the children play together lovely. My partner is self employed and has built up a great business over the years. so it wouldn't really be an option for him to live here. I have fallen in love with where he lives and can definitely see myself living there, there are good schools and such lovely people. I am a nurse and am currently working full time days and nights trying to make ends meet, and sometimes feel like I never see the children there is work for me over there however I will not need to work until the kids have fully settled in and only part time then due to extra income from partner. BUT my ex partner see's the children twice a week currently, and will no way agree to me moving with the kids. So it will have to go through court.?He is a controlling person, and I have had to get The police involved on numerous occasions due to his abussive behaviour towards me, never the children though. He doesn't pay any maintenance, refuses to, even though he has a good wage. I am terrified about going to court and the influence he may have on the children as he has already said he will tell the children lies about me to turn them against me. And I know it's crazy and everyone has told me it won't happen, but what if he applied for custody and somehow got it, I will do anything for my kids and I'm honestly worried sick, Am I doing the right thing?

OP posts:
Costacoffeeplease · 17/01/2017 11:15

Op has already said it's Galway

treaclesoda · 17/01/2017 11:17

I had noticed that she had said it was Galway and I meant to say that in my post, but I was too busy being outraged as the statement that Northern Ireland is classed as England Wink Grin

Glastokitty · 17/01/2017 11:25

Still classed as England? I think not!

And as for getting into schools without a catholic baptism certificate, it's easy! I did it with no baptism certificate at all.

Cloeycat · 17/01/2017 11:31

KatyBerry that is generally for kids starting out in their first years in Primary when there is a large influx so would only effect the 3 year old if it even did. Also it is more typical for city schools and most cities would also have church of Ireland schools (although we don't know the OP may be catholic with baptized children). If in rural Galway with smaller population it won't be such a big deal.

As an aside today's news is that the need for a baptism cert for primary education is to be abolished.

Graceymac · 17/01/2017 11:32

Not all children in my dds school are catholic. There were no issues re over subscribing either, I applied to two primary schools and dd 1 got into both. There is not the postcade issue here either re schools so you can apply to several.

Graceymac · 17/01/2017 11:32

*postcode!

SallyInSweden · 17/01/2017 11:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Graceymac · 17/01/2017 11:33

There are also Educate Together schools which are nondenominational. There is one in Galway city.

Kennington · 17/01/2017 11:39

I would hesitate to do this. You had three children with your ex so he has either changed or you felt he was a good father at some point. Either way your children are your priority and should see their father unless he is abusive.
Do you think you are a good judge of character in terms of moving in with someone of 18 months who lives in another country? Take your time as you don't want to make another mistake you live to regret.

Cakingbad · 17/01/2017 11:40

Do you have to move in with him straight away? Why not move near to him in Ireland and see how that goes first. You will retain your independence and your kids can get to know the new schools, new friends and new country without also having the massive change of living fulltime with your new man.

HyacinthsBucket · 17/01/2017 11:51

I think you would need to invest more into the relationship first and see if it is going to work out. Holidays are lovely but not real life, and he needs to be around the kids on manic school mornings and tired after school times to see what playing happy families really means. Couldn't he work over there and come to you every weekend long term? I appreciate that the kids dad may be a crappy one, but they will never forgive you for taking him out of their lives. As you are only 18 months in to this relationship, isn't it better to walk away now as realistically I don't see how you can make this work out?

PostTruthEra · 17/01/2017 11:53

Even if your ex is dropping the kids off at his Mum's, he is still seeing them and they obviously have a relationship with their Grandmother. It sounds like you'd be moving them from a lot of family.

If he was that abusive the police have said he shouldn't see the kids, why have you been letting him have them twice a week? He may have been an absolute tosser towards you, but you obviously trust him with the kids, as he's not exactly seeing them in a contact centre.

It sounds like you're trying to justify this to yourself. If it's not happening for another year or so, wait and reevaluate then.

Original poster
Troubledmummy123 · 17/01/2017 11:54

Thanks so much everyone, I have a lot of things to think about. My children are catholic (my grand parents are devote Irish catholics)but the ones I have looked into are multi faith, like I said I would not be moving for another year, but I really need to start to get the ball rolling do my research, I would absolutely still want to live there if the relationship broke down and wonder if people's opinions would be different if I hadn't mentioned the new partner? Really really appreciate the time people have put into this post and I will take on board because at the end of the day it's the kids that matter. X

OP posts:
Original poster
Troubledmummy123 · 17/01/2017 12:00

He was abusive towards me in front of the children but not towards the children, he just didn't do anything for them , had no interest as long as he they were out of his way he was happy, I cannot have contact with him advised by social worker as he assaulted me in front of my daughter. Take me out of the equation and there is no safeguarding issue.

OP posts:
Original poster
Troubledmummy123 · 17/01/2017 12:01

Generally only sees them once a week at present occasionally twice

OP posts:
RacoonBandit · 17/01/2017 12:01

Really raccoon

Yes really.

Seems the ex was ok to leave 3 DC with up until OP decides she wants to move to another country.

RacoonBandit · 17/01/2017 12:02

Drip drip drip.

Original poster
Troubledmummy123 · 17/01/2017 12:03

Raccoon I want my children to have a relationship with there father, to figure out for themselves who he is, as I do not want them to resent me, I have never bad mouthed him to my kids. I didn't just drop them off to suit myself and when he has them I work!!

OP posts:
RacoonBandit · 17/01/2017 12:07

And how much of a relationship with him will they have if you move to another country?

Thing is you could move and he could decide not to stop you. Or he could drag you through court, win and make you stay in the UK.

Original poster
Troubledmummy123 · 17/01/2017 12:11

I realise that completely, but I am trying to make life better for me and the kids. He had a choice of being a decent person/father but he wasn't

OP posts:
PollytheDolly · 17/01/2017 12:12

Quick answer from me. I'd go for it.

ElspethFlashman · 17/01/2017 12:14

Galway is a great place for kids, lots going on and lots of space.

However.....the nearest airport is a hefty distance and flights are not as cheap as you think. You got lucky. You won't get that lucky every time.

You'd need a car as everything is quite spread out, and cars are not cheap to buy, insure or run.

You will get work as a Nurse, definitely. But part time work is more difficult to find. Maybe home care or Pool but the HSE is not fun to work for....At all....

ElspethFlashman · 17/01/2017 12:16

Educate Together is massively popular and tbh you may very well not get in. Certainly you would be foolish to put all your eggs in that basket. There are long waiting lists.

RacoonBandit · 17/01/2017 12:18

You are only wanting to move because of the new man.
Before he came along you were fine with the children's lives and yours. Ask yourself are you really moving for them or are you moving because YOU want to move your relationship forward,

This man does not know your DC and they don't know him. The few days he spent with them and was brilliant Hmm is zero indication of how he will handle 3 dc full time.

If you had no DC I would be the first to say go for it but you have 3 and they come before you. You are uprooting them from friends, their father and family they love and see weekly to somewhere they don't know. So where they have no family, no friends and will have to start a new school. What will you then do if it goes tits up? Move them back again?

Graceymac · 17/01/2017 12:22

I work for the HSE, it is not awful. We have staffing issues at times but so does the NHS. My specialty (not general) is not as advanced as the UK but I like my job and the pay is better. I have accepted the differences although it took some time. the nearest airport is 1hr 15 mins, not too bad.
Cars are more expensive so we got ours on UK and paid import tax and still made a saving. Despite all that though I still love living here.

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