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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

No children this Christmas :(

66 replies

SteppingOnToes · 24/12/2016 15:10

DP was so excited for his first Christmas with his kids in 4 years. It's his weekend with the kids (Court ordered - as she was denying access) and she has vetoed it and said the kids will be with her all of Christmas day and she wants them back on Christmas eve. Usually handover is at half 7 but she has demanded them back at 3 :( The kids have now gone home in tears as they didn't want to leave and want to see their dad on Christmas day :( and DP is the bad one for putting them in the car.i said he should have said that if she wanted them early she should have collected them so it didn't look like it was there dad who didn't want them there.

She has said "You can have a "pretend Christmas" on boxing day". I had a good mind to suggest to DP that we should have had our "Pretend Christmas" on Christmas eve... I was mature and didn't stir it though.

I'd dread being her on Christmas as the kids have said they want to see their dad for at least some part of Christmas day and she has said no. DP has said they are more than welcome to come round for a bit on Christmas day but it is up to their mum. She's claiming that she's having the kids as they want to be with her for Christmas - she's made them choose which, in my mind, is wicked :( DSC are 5 and 10 and have just left sobbing

OP posts:

deckoff · 26/12/2016 10:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pollyxcx · 26/12/2016 10:06

Pebbles I thought the same thing. Christmas arrangements are usually in the court order as a separate thing.

What does the court order say about Christmas specifically?

Pollyxcx · 26/12/2016 10:08

My DD told me yesterday that she feels sorry for kids who's parents are together as they don't get two Christmas's

We all work together to make Xmas a 3day event, it doesn't matter what specific day you have them on. DC love their Christmas arrangements!

NewNNfor2017 · 26/12/2016 10:18

Christmas arrangements are usually in the court order as a separate thing.

Since self representation became more common after legal aid was withdrawn, the quality and detail of Child Arrangement Orders often seem to lead to ambiguity - it's quite possible that without a good solicitor or barrister involved, the order didn't include details of nuances such as Xmas, birthdays etc.

Pollyxcx · 26/12/2016 10:25

Seems an obvious sticking point to put in an order surely?!

MsGameandWatch · 26/12/2016 10:29

I agree with you entirely deckoff.

Original poster

SteppingOnToes · 26/12/2016 10:32

I don't know exactly what the CO says other than he has them Friday after school - Monday morning every other week, and every Wednesday. He also pays for all after school activities (football, piano, swimming and cubs for DSS and brass band, drama club, brownies and swimming for DSD, plus waterskiing lessons for both of them in the good weather). As I said before, the original court case broke him financially and there is no more money to take it any further if she denies contact. He does anything to keep the peace so she doesn't stop him seeing the kids as he knows there's nothing he could do about it if she did.

OP posts:

NewNNfor2017 · 26/12/2016 10:37

Seems an obvious sticking point to put in an order surely?!

Obvious to whom? Often, these things don't transpire until they actually happen - the mother might have been of the opinion that "of course it won't apply at Xmas" and the father "of course we'll get alternate Xmas's".

However, if the OPs DP did pay for legal representation then it seems that he was let down - although if the mother is disregarding the order anyway, then it may well be written in and she's just ignoring it.

Original poster

SteppingOnToes · 26/12/2016 11:00

It's 11 and kids still aren't ready to be collected - apparently she is just running a bath for DSS so it's not going to be before lunch :( half the day is gone already :(

OP posts:

VanillaSugarAndChristmasSpice · 26/12/2016 11:14

stepping This brings back memories of my own childhood. Play the long game. Support your DP and DSS. My late DSM was one of my favourite people in the world because she was sensible, calm, and kind to me. Kids remember

Original poster

SteppingOnToes · 26/12/2016 12:17

Kids are here along with two bags of washing as she's not had time to do any...

OP posts:

Blondienut · 26/12/2016 14:54

i have huge empathy and sympathy for you. Similar experiences. We try our best, take deep breaths, accept it's not fair and do the best we can for the kids. The ex (like ours) is obviously hurting, bitter and very unhappy. The kids will thank you in the future for putting them first. It's so so hard though at times - deep breaths

Debrathezebra · 26/12/2016 19:45

I didnt get the evil and insane bit either Stepping, you clearly said you thought she said she was a nice lady.

It does sound like there are issues over contact though. Its my experience too that unless an order is explicit it leaves room to mess around, or that contact will be used to play games.

Definitely play the long game, take the positives, shrug off as much as you can and just make whatever time you have with them as lovely as possible.

Original poster

SteppingOnToes · 27/12/2016 07:27

Well that's Christmas over for another year. Finally got the kids at nearly lunch time so by the time they had had a quick open of their presents and something to eat it was time to take them to see their grandparents and aunt. Nevertheless we had a lovely day and the kids behaved really well with no fighting. We even had a family game of uno which was a miracle considering they are both screen obsessed :)

No messages from their mum to either me or my DP yet either :)

Back to work to work for me today - 7am start and a 12 hour shift. Everyone enjoy the last day of the BH :)

OP posts:

ArmfulOfRoses · 27/12/2016 14:24

I hope you were too busy to do the washing!

Original poster

SteppingOnToes · 27/12/2016 14:39

I didn't do it, he did. I will put a load of theirs in when they are here but I certainly wasn't doing 'her' washing ;)

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