Advice urgently needed!

[NowSissyThatWalk]

Will try and keep this short. Was going to post in AIBU but thought this more appropriate and I'm a wuss
My DP and his ExW are going through a divorce.
We have his 4 children 3 times a week. I get on with them very well and care about them deeply. They seem to love spending time here and adore their dad, who is a brilliant father.
Since we've been together, if we need to go anywhere, we put three in his car and one in mine. We go to their DGM, days out etc. and they always fight as to who will come in my car
A few weeks ago we were getting ready to leave and the eldest said 'Mum says we're not allowed to go in Sissys car' when DP asked why she said 'In case we have a crash'
???
I was a bit upset, mainly because they all looked so uncomfortable and torn and it shouldn't be down to them to relay that.
DP spoke to them calmly and said that was a bit silly because they are not anymore likely to have a crash in my car than anyone else's. (FWIW, I have passed a specific tactical driving course for my job and have never had anything even close to a crash)
They agreed and we sort of just let it go, they continued to come in my car as and when.
Today the exW called him and cut a long story short she says if they come in my car when their here then she will not let him see them
Please help.
It's unreasonable right?? I feel like I'm going crazy.
Everytime I think of them being put in this position it makes me so upset, because I know how torn their loyalties must be. Likewise I feel if we bend to this ridiculous whim just to stop her withdrawing contact we will always be at her mercy.
Oh and it's perfectly safe with all the right car seats etc so it's not that.

AIBU to think this is ridiculous? And is there anything we can do??

I appreciate that very and have said I will look at that story and try to gauge what her reasoning may be.
Do you have a link to it? Google is not throwing anything up and I will pass it onto my DP.

Surely you don't think it's fair she threatens to withdraw contact over it though?

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2016/08/11/a34-crash-three-children-aged-11-and-13-killed-along-with-woman/

very
Yes we live together and moving in to a bigger house.

That wasn't really what I started the thread for, it was about her threatening to withdraw contact which I'm sure you will agree is entirely unfair, although you haven't answered.

So, as I said earlier and was abruptly dismissed, this is a recent relationship then?

And you are already shouting the odds and wanting to send emails telling the ex how it will be?

Please listen to very she is making a LOT of sense.

She won't withdraw contact.

And yes, very, is being extremely wise.

I will not be sending the email, of course not.
DP will, if that is his choice.
I have never spoken to her in my life and have no intention to.

I am not sure what else I can say to make you see that I am in way over my head on this and I just wanted a reassurance that her request was unreasonable, which I have been assured by countless PP's that it is.

I have also, however, been shown though that there may be more to it than originally thought and will speak to DP about it.
Thanks again for all your advice, I will take it all on board.

OMG I missed the email.

For chrissakes don't send that. Or anything like it. Don't do ANY letter or email.

Why throw a match on petrol, when you can pour oil on water?

PP's were very helpful in drafting up a possible response for my DP (HIM) to send should he choose.
She is being unreasonable and that is fact. It is a horrible thing to do to threaten to withdraw contact with his children who he adores over something so trivial. That is a fact.
I do appreciate that it may come across too strong and will air that with DP.
Please stop picking at me, this is a really horrible position for everyone and I have got the reassurance that I am not BU, along with other things that I hadn't thought of, which I am grateful for.

But you are being unreasonable. Keep out of it. It isn't picking at you to say that. You asked and I think it is possible that people suggesting that ridiculous email, didn't have the full picture.

This man has you bang to rights and god help you but you can't see what's coming.
What do you mean by that?

Picking at you? We're trying to help you avoid an escalation.

The ex wife is being a cunt for the sake of it I've had many years of this and the UR demands were off the fucking chart. Once the SDC were even asked to send PHOTOS OF OUR DDS XMAS PRESENTS on their phones so she could work out to the penny what had been spent and if it was more than what they'd gotten. This was after admitting to me that she spends a bit more on her and her new partners kid because the DSC got gifts from two sets of parents.
Regardless of whether the ex wife is bitter or not this needs nipping in the bud now or it will only get worse and THE KIDS will be the ones who suffer. My DSC have been emotionally damaged by their fuck up mother

I can see this from both sides. But I wouldn't send that email either. Actually I would say the best solution for now is for all the kids to go in the dads car and if you have to follow on behind then so be it until you get a 7 seater.
It may be irrational, it may be unreasonable.but the mother here is probably feeling quite displaced as her kids like you so much (which is great by the way), and hurt by that in ways she can't even articulate. As you are only 6 months into your relationship with the kids (and it has moved quite quick-again great for you-bloody hard for her wether she's seeing someone else or not),I would give it at least another year before you start arguing the toss over things like this. Odds on by then she'll have become more used to the idea and won't be as bothered. Right now she is having to watch her kids suddenly spend time with a new mother type figure and that will hurt massively. I get that it's not practical, that it's irrational and that you don't want to set a precedent.But choose your battles and cut her some slack this time and you might reap the rewards of that later on.

Just and very - stop ganging up on the Op, leaved her alone, you've put your views across.