I know I am being unreasonable but...

[MsColouring]

...I don't really want dh's ex contacting me on my phone unless it's an emergency. She couldn't get hold of dh this morning so phoned my phone - I didn't see it - it was on silent. She wanted to speak to dss - no emergency. Same happened on Monday, dh had gone out, dss happily playing outside and got phonecall and text because she wanted to talk to dss. She had had him the whole weekend.

I know I am being unreasonable and should suck it up but just feels like an invasion of my space. Today I am not feeling very well and last Monday I had been at work all day.

When the children were small and their Dad called it was a nightmare. They didn't want to talk to him or anyone on the phone. They lived in the moment and wanted to play. Calling them at their Dads was a nightmare because they really didn't want to talk to me. And it all honesty it was disruptive.

They were forbidden to call me though. I stopped calling, except when they were there for at least a week, because it was the best thing for all concerned.

Parents calling is about the parents not the kids. Presuming the parents let kids call when they want then the parent who is not there should back off and trust them. If your kid is not calling its because they don't want to talk to you at the moment.

It's also because you are messing with their loyalties. They probably don't want to tell you what they did at the other parents house and you shouldn't be asking.

It's also difficult as a parent/step parent because if you have had a disagreement with said child or there has been a punishment then you don't want the other parent interfering. Can you as the other not there parent be relied upon to back up the other parent/step parent? And if they don't feel you can then there is bloody great problem. Not of the step parents making.

I am speaking as a step parent and a step daughter.

No, they don't back you up - some years ago dss was messing about with his phone at the table when we were out to dinner. I told him to put it away. He said he was texting. I told him to stop and put it away. He then texted his mum and said I had told him to put his phone away (he didn't mention we were out to dinner) and she texted back and said to tell me he was texting her and he was allowed to have it. Silly cow.

I suppose I've been very fortunate in that my dh's exw has never gone against our rules in our house and respected that it was our space.

Now she and dss are 100 NC so it's a non-issue anyway.

Posters on another thread on here have flamed a DSM for her involvement in her DSS life, yet OP should allow the DM to contact her whenever she wants to?

DSMs are told time and time again that the DSC are not their business and that all arrangements should be discussed between the DP/DH and the the DM.

It seems that DSMs cannot win on MN whatever they do.

It seems that DSMs cannot win on MN whatever they do.

Bingo!

Rolanda It seems that SMs should only be there as a convenience as and when needed. If they then refuse to be a convenience as and when the parents/stepchildren see fit because they don't want to be a bloody doormat, they are seen to be pathetic/uncooperative/unreasonable etc...

My partners kids are all older so never really had that problem as they had their own mobiles. I really wouldn't have minded, think it would've been nice to actually feel part of my stepkids lives as opposed to being constantly told I was nothing to them.

Told by their mum ,not by them.