Advice on exdp gf.

[oneorthebloodyother]

Firstly I'm not a stepmother I'm asking on here to get a little bit of an insight before I go in head first and start shouting the odds at exdp and his gf.

Exdp left me for his gf just over 3 years ago now, yes it does still hurt a little bit for the most part I'm over it.
Anyway myself and ex haven't always got on but recently we have been able to sit in the same room without wanting to kill each other so I feel we're in a good place to co parent our two ds'.
We've both agreed a timetable of how and when he has dcs but his gf is now trying to throw a spanner in the works, saying to him she doesn't want him spending so much time away from her or at my house which is only one evening per week and I'm not even there.
It really has riled me up as my dcs have missed out on so much time with their dad not only because of him but her aswell and I don't know what to really do about the situation, I know that if I say something to him it will more than likely cause an argument and put all our hard work back to square one.
I also messaged him this morning that I cannot stand the fact that he is with this woman and he is allowing her to dictate to him as and when he can see our dcs and that he has become such a horrible person since being with her.
Wibu to txt her and let her know that my dcs were there before she even existed and will be there long after she has gone and if she is so worried about the fact he is at mine then she shouldn't have slept with another woman's and especially one who has children.

Sorry it was a bit of a rant but I think you get my drift.

Yeah I find that usually ow are particularily loving mary poppins-like characters taken advantage of by unscrupulous men.

Why she's like isn't the issue. It's that the guy is so dim/manipulative that he's repeating stuff his gf has said.

Maybe she picks up on the fact that he's crossing boundaries and gossiping about her with his ex? No one would like that. Maybe that's why she's being difficult about the whole thing?

I bet she's got a good idea about it.

Why should a child miss out on week day time with dad because his girlfriend has had a tantrum?

Given her attitude, don't contact her at all. If he puts her first before his child the child will realise soon enough. More fool him. More sadness for the child.

Well as I said I'm not going to contact her even though It's given me the rage.
I'm also not sticking up for ex as I know he's a twat but we wasn't gossiping about her as I try to avoid speaking about her as much as possible, the comment he made was just that a comment like a slip of the tounge and as soon as he said it he knew he shouldn't have.

In reply to some of the ppl who are saying I'm not over it, of course I'm not fully over their affair but am in no way still in love with him that is the reason why he is in my home as I have got over most of the hatred I had for him and want a better relationship with him for my dcs sake.

I think there has been some very good advice on this thread. OP - you need to make arrangements with your ex. If he is happy being in your house one night a week, then you should stick to that arrangement. However, if he decides that the arrangement is no longer working (including because his current partner does not feel comfortable about it) then you'll need to come up with something else. Asking him to pay for a babysitter is one reasonable way forward.

I also agree however that it is perfectly valid for him to say that he doesn't want to be in your house any more. I would be uncomfortable with that if I were his partner, and I think it is completely valid for her to think it is not a sustainable arrangement. However, ultimately that is a matter for them to resolve.

In relation to having the children for extra days in the holidays, I think it is the same point. It is your arrangement with your ex that matters. Even if she is being unreasonable in that regard, you are best not contacting her and sticking to calm discussions with your ex about the children you have with him.

Contacting his partner is not a good idea. No matter how badly she has behaved, ultimately it is for him as their father to make arrangements with you. It is only going to lead to more bad feeling if you start blaming her.

Why should he pay for a babysitter so his ex can go out?!

Presumably if he pays his way as a dad then he's doing his bit financially.

I GET THAT IT IS HORRENDOUS TO BE CHEATED ON - no you do not.
That moment of realisation never leaves you and whilst people do move on, you never forget. This is not breaking up with a boyfriend, this is destruction of trust, family, life, plans for the future, children etc etc.

I have moved on but my ability to trust both men and women is fundamentally altered. My protectiveness towards my DCS is much more than before, when you realise their DF or DM really does not make them a priority.

4 yrs down the line, my EX comes and sees the DCs in my house. if he did not then they would never see him. The OW gradually eroded their contact time, he allowed her to place all sorts of demands on his time that took priority over his DCS, his DCS are not allowed in his home - truly pathetic. So OP, she has no rights - do not let what has happened to mine happen to yours.

BUT do NOT contact her. I know from friends it drives her mad that I have maintained a dignified silence no matter what shit, and believe me she has done some serious crap, she has thrown in our direction.

The arrangement works for you, him and your DCs - whether he is babysitting etc etc no one elses business bar yours and his.

My sympathies.

Oh and anyone who thinks it is easy in this situation and tells you it is great that they are still together etc etc, wait till the next humdinger hits the fan - my EX has just split up with OW and all the hell that i creating!!!

Given the circumstances I think it's fair for you to be upset OP, however I can also understand his partner's discomfort with him being at your house. Honestly I wouldn't like that either, I wouldn't stop it as she is requesting, but I'd ask for the alternative. Let him have the children at his. If she still has cause to complaint you know what sort of woman she is.