Anyone else had enough?! Join me for a glass of virtual prosecco!

[happygirl87]

Sometimes I find being a step-mother all too much! Can't even be bothered to go into it - just pass the ! Anyone else?!

Thanks everyone. We had a wonderful honeymoon and now back in the real world.

Good luck late

I'm in Matildas boat so far off the team years its hard to know what to wish.

Think I'm lucky DH is already trying to teach DSD to make her bed and put plates away etc and she is still 4.
Think the parenting order will finally be signed on Sunday (DSDs mum said she would but past history says I shouldn't hold my breath) will be great if it happens. We will still be in a one way dictatorship but a more reasonable one. Next thing is tackling being able to take DSD away with extended family for 4 nights in school holidays for her granddads birthday. DSDs mum has said probably not as DSD doesn't eat well with us and gets too wound up by cousins and then cries oh and something about wanting nice time with DSD before school goes back (its a 2week holiday and we want to go first week so she would have a week.) Argh as my father says looking for logic where there isn't any

Thanks NZ and congratulations to you. I read your other thread just now btw.

Ignore the stupid comments! 💩

Thanks Late I'm quite enjoying the different perspectives people have. At least i dont think anyone will tell me I knew what I was getting into, which I'm sure I'd get in step parenting

So as expected DSDs mum after agreeing the parenting order was all fine 3 weeks ago and then saying she would finally bring over her signed copy today instead showed up today to inform DP she is now taking it to her lawyer at some undefined point in time.

And just as you thought things were sorted too! Hopefully it gets sorted properly soon!

How was holidaying with dsd btw? I'm so looking forward to going away together with dsd but I know she won't be an angel the whole time hopefully it will still feel like a holiday though

Oh what a pain. Did she say what the specific problems were with it or is it a matter of 'just because'?

Matilda the holiday with DSD was fantastic. Made so easy by having a little bunk room inside our room for her to sleep in, her 3 cousins to play with all day, lots of family around to help and a fantastic swimming pool and a slide into it. We had rest time (watching a DVD in room) for a bit each day which helped too I think. DSD says she would like to live there now so I think it was a winner

Late I think after 6 months of at least 10 emails backwards and forwards (many of which are two pages long) discussing each point in the agreement all of which had sorted next to them 3 weeks ago its now a matter of 'just because'.

Hi, this is my first time posting here. It's nice to read comments from people in similar situations to mine without being judged. I feel there is no one I can talk to in real life without being made to feel like a monster as I'm sure a lot of you can relate.

Been with my boyfriend for two and a half years now, his daughter is nearly 6 (met her when she was 3). I have no children. The main problem I have isn't her. She is usually a well behaved child and I only tend to get frustrated when she is throwing tantrums and crying over silly things as she is very spoiled. Aside from that, we get on well and she is my shadow when she's over.

I'm finding my partner's ex difficult to deal with atm. I always knew she was going to be in the picture but she doesn't make it easy. His family are all still in touch with her which just makes it harder as I constantly have to hear about her from the family, from the little girl, from my partner. Hearing her name makes me sick I'm not interested. Does that make me a bad person?

They've been separated for so many years and she still calls him for hours at a time lecturing him and asking intrusive questions about his life and I just find it so inappropriate. I'm not comfortable with it and neither is he but he will not do or say anything as he is too afraid of losing contact with his daughter by upsetting her.

My partner's ex has more influence and say in his life than he or I do! She is dictating our lives right now down to what we have to do when we have his daughter, I'm pretty sure that's up to my partner he is her parent as well... Anyone else in the same boat?

Annexx i can totally relate to alot of what you are saying. I have been with DH about the same amount of time and DSD is about to turn 5, i too have no children of my own. DSD is also my shadow when she is around and we get on really well. like you i am just not interested in hearing all about her mum. Ive got used to it from DSD and dont mind her talking about her mum as her mum is the most important person in her life. But get annoyed when we are out with friends and they ask DP how his ex is. My friends dont ask me about my ex in front of him but apparently because they share a kid its ok. Would be the same if his family were always talking about her but thankfully they are getting sick of her manipulating DHs life and dont have anything nice to say about her anymore.
Definitely doesnt make you a bad person to feel like that, unfortunately i think we are both going to have to put up with it for a long time yet.
We are also in the same boat with DSDs mum dictating how we live our lives when DSD is with us. I remember someone once saying its as though DH is the second class parent. He does everything he can for his daughter but his opinion will always mean nothing to DSDs mum and she will always call the shots. Not sure if you have this problem too but everything DSD does that her mum doesnt like is always our fault.

I remember someone once saying its as though DH is the second class parent. He does everything he can for his daughter but his opinion will always mean nothing to DSDs mum and she will always call the shots.

Yes this is exactly how it is for him. His ex is constantly phoning him when we have her over.

"What are you doing today, where are you taking her, what are you feeding her."

His family is dysfunctional and borderline crazy and they just make it worst by constantly second-guessing his parenting and saying they are going to report things back to the ex. Or they'll send her back with money for the ex so "mum can buy you clothes", erm, dad is right there. He's also a 29 year old grown man and fully competent.

I know it makes him feel crap. His own sister that doesn't even have a child of her own yet seems to use DSD as a tool to practice on and thinks spending 2 hours a week with her makes her better than DP and she spends the whole time lecturing him.

I wish he'd just man up and tell everyone to back off but he doesn't want any drama with family and ex. He calls listening to ex yell on the phone for an hour a small price to pay to see his daughter. I know where he's coming from but I do not agree that it has to be like that for him to see her, it shouldn't have to.

A lot of this stems from the fact that DP sets rules and boundaries for DSD and doesn't let her get away with murder. So to his family/ex he's the bad guy for being an actual parent.

I can't even imagine the uproar if DP called his ex on the days she had the child and starting interrogating her about her intentions for the day or told her how to parent.

It is and always will be, that DSC have divided loyalties. It always makes me smile that my DSC refer to our home as Dad's house...never Wdigin's, and my DC refer to it as Mum's house and never Xxx's.

Oops, that last post should have been on the thread about the poster who has had a harsh reality check!!

Annexx, as the saying goes: you have a DP problem, not an ExW problem. But it sounds as if he's just giving in for a quiet life as he gets hassle from so many directions.

He needs to cut short the calls from the ex or stop answering them. I get that he has to be available in case there is any emergency with her or change of collection plans with her but calling for hours when you have DSD is ridiculous and only he can make it stop.

Assuming they have a civil relationship and there is no legal barrier, he should discuss when he has his DD rather than be told. Can't they agree regular contact and stick to it?

Not much you can do about his family banging on about the ex. If they do it in front of DSD I am guessing it is their way of reassuring her, so let it go. The money thing is also annoying but again, for your DP to speak up about.

Family bossing him around sounds like the habit of a lifetime - maybe reassure him that you are on his side and would support him standing up for himself.

If his family are being bullies/rude to DP I think I would say something. Not sure if this would cause bigger problems for everyone though? Can you just see less of them?

They have regular contact and it is always the same. He's had her those dates and more since they separated. That's one of the reasons the extra calls annoy me so much as there is just no need for them to talk.

OH ANNEX same same, (except there are 2 kids) I have just accepted it and ignore it. Not my monkeys not my circus. DP has the option of dealing with her and not bothering me about it or ignoring her. The longer its gone on the more he has taken the ignore her option, but either way not your problem
And Hi everyone else, hope all is well, I have been lurking on and off but mostly off.

Annexx I agree with what MeridianB is saying.
I wish he'd just man up and tell everyone to back off but he doesn't want any drama with family and ex. He calls listening to ex yell on the phone for an hour a small price to pay to see his daughter. I know where he's coming from but I do not agree that it has to be like that for him to see her, it shouldn't have to.
Is there a signed agreement in place as to when your DP has his daughter that would mean his ex has to allow him to see his daughter even if she gets in a huff because your DP wont answer her calls when she is with him? My DH now has his phone on silent at night time and when we do not want to be disturbed as DSDs mum liked to text anytime she felt like it including at 2am once to say DSD was thirsty when she got home the day before.

It was like Christmas at our place yesterday. DSD showed up with a signed parenting agreement in her bag and with permission to go on holiday with us in October. Apparently she met with the lawyer already, wonder if the lawyer gave her a reality check. Who cares though its fantastic however it came about. (DSDs mum has however stipulated that it is on the grounds that DSD doesn't get too brown in the sun or get bitten by any mosquitoes.) Some of our printed wedding photos arrived and my name change documentation. And to top it off DSD went to sleep in her room alone and when she woke up in the night to go to toilet she went back to sleep in her room alone without any tears at all.

NZ how nice for a change! Hope it continues.

Annex very very annoying! Many of us in the same boat here. Much of the power is psychological, built up over time. It's not real power. Ex hasn't got the power to restrict and probably depends on your DP much more than he does on her. He really can change, its just the initial fallout he'll be scared of. Honestly if the genders were the other way round we'd have no problem seeing how crazy and abusive it is!

Hi NZmonkey, that's great news about the wedding photos and the ex agreeing to the holiday (who wouldn't want their child to enjoy a lovely holiday away?!) How very bizarre of her to text you so late about something so small but I totally relate, we have had similar comments made trying to infer that DSD has not been taken care of in some manner and it is very, very petty.

As for an agreement as far as I know they confirmed this arrangement between themselves with no legalities involved and it has been this way for approximately three years. And as such, at least he has told me, she can just stop him seeing her and has threatened to do so in the past. It wouldn't annoy me so much if it wasn't for the fact that he won't take any level of crap at all from me but when it comes to his ex and his family he is a doormat.

He also pays maintenance to her directly rather than through CSA during drops offs.

Super news NZ. Really happy to hear that

NZ that is lovely glad things are working out well now! Maybe being the wife has actually helped her realise too!

I have no advice to give annex. My dsds mum used to call a lot more often and once dsd was in bed at her house but she seems to have calmed now and there's the once a day FaceTime/phone call for dsd to chat to the parent she isn't with! Seems to be working and she'll now only call if she needs something important unless she's calling him during the day to be a pest but long as I'm not involved it's fine

Have a good weekend everyone! I've posted a little update on the adoption on my original thread.