Anyone else had enough?! Join me for a glass of virtual prosecco!

[happygirl87]

Sometimes I find being a step-mother all too much! Can't even be bothered to go into it - just pass the ! Anyone else?!

Apparently she keeps a dairy if Everything and DSD doesn't eat as well on Thursday/sunday nights after being with us. And sometimes isn't intesested in doing her readings, (She is 4 and doesn't start school till may)

Oh that's crazy isn't it NZ? Even if it were true it might just as well mean she'd benefit from more contact not less. Perhaps she's happy at yours and eats well that she's less hungry the next day? Or didn't like reading at the end of a busy week? Can't see contact being cut for those reasons, but guess you're right to take it to court (or mediation?) if she's coming up with nonsense reasons like those.

Very Crazy. And agree more contact not less, but with less transition days as they seem to be DSDs mums problem would be a better solution. Maybe they feed her something at daycare on a Thursday she really likes so isnt hungry at home, who knows but DSDs mum wants to blame us. We will see the lawyer and get their recommendations. In NZ we have to go to mediation before it goes to court. They are such nonsense reasons for a child not to see their dad.

I agree that couples in blended families should help each other out, but all our DC were grown when we got together, so we never had the access thing. Now we have both sets of DGC visiting, but neither of us would have the other's DGC on our own...it's just an accepted thing in our family!

I think it's a "visiting" vs a "living with you" thing wdigin - if they're coming to visit their parent or grandparent it would be kind of odd to do so when they're not there.

But if they live with you, or part time live with you, and their parent is out or away for a bit you wouldn't necessarily expect them to go off to their other house just for that reason. And as bananas points out, if you make it clear you expect them to do so you risk accusation of not wanting them around.

In this instance DH did offer to drop them back with his ex - because he was at the same time asking whether he could have them the whole week before, and because he's trying to encourage her to spend some weekends with them. Since she's said she has plans, then the only answer is really that they stay here with me. That works for us because the DSC see this as one of their two homes but I can see it would seem odd to kids who consider that they're at their dad's house to visit their dad if he wasn't there.

Hope your mediation sessions are helpful NZ

Thanks bluelilies.
DSDs mum phoned DP crying yesterday after he said he had booked a lawyers appt. Basically saying she didn't mean to threaten to stop DSD staying. Didn't agree to keep contact as is or even keep the number of nights she is currently with us. But apparently because she was crying everything is fine now and DP no longer wants to try see his daughter 50/50 or cares to keep the nights he has. I'm not even sure he will still see lawyer to get contract written properly so we aren't back at this exact point every 6 months for the next decade.

I think if DP was not going to be around for a day or overnight that DSD was supposed to be with us there is no way DSDs mother would let her stay at our place. I'd be more than happy to have her but it wouldn't be allowed. DSD is however often left with DSDs mums boyfriend.

That's really frustrating NZ so she didn't mean to stop contact, what did she mean then?. And then turned on the waterworks to get her own way?

So now, not only is he not going for 50/50 but actually getting less than he did? Crazy.

Mind you, seeming as it sounds like you do most of te care maybe it's not such a bad thing...if your DP can't be bothered why should you?.

Hope that doesn't sound out of turn

Definitely doesn't sound out of turn Whogives, its how I feel about it myself some times.
He must have been having a really terrible two days of it as this morning he has reverted to his loving caring self. So hard to keep up with the mood changes sometimes. We have talked about it and he apologised for the way he spoke the other night. And decided he will try get Thur, Fri nights one week. Then Thur, Fri and sat night the other week and see how that's accepted by DSDs mum and head mediation if necessary to agree to something close it it.

And yes exactly whogives, what did she mean if it wasn't to stop contact. Hopefully the waterworks won't continue to work.

So we almost were getting a child free Saturday night and Sunday! Due to it being Mother's Day.. But lo and behold that plan has changed don't know why I bother getting my hopes up

Sorry to hear Matilda - sounds a bit crap not having any idea of what's going on in your home.

Really I should know better and just accept that we have dsd Friday to Sunday every week would be easier

"Remember it's Mother's Day and to get me a present" from the mother who didn't buy anything for Father's Day

Yes but it would be good to have the odd weekend off where you knew in advance. And doesn't the mother want them for mother's day?

It's just dsd. She's five and she was going to have her but isn't now until later in the day! To be fair she didn't see her last year either. I shall just plan a nice weekend and ignore my annoyance at her mum hopefully as I do love having dsd here anyway even if a break would be nice occasionally

Oh well very pleased Matilda that you get on well with DSD, that makes a lot of difference if you are all a fairly happy household. It's the inequality of control I expect that you feel? It's just I do identify with it, if that is the case. My DP couldn't even really see how Ex was always the one who would chop and change, or send the kids to ours, or change if our resident ones were due to go there. I just felt like someone else was able to run my life! Drove me crazy!

Yeah that's exactly what it is! And he doesn't even consider it being an issue as he obviously wants dsd as often as he can but I just feel our life gets moved about as if we're always available at the drop of a hat! Cause obviously we're just sitting doing nothing otherwise

Sympathies matilda - but yes I think you're right that just assuming you'll have DSD every weekend is probably better physiologically. I've decided that's the way to go for me too - DH's ex has finally got back to us to tell us what weekends she wants the kids - there's a grand total of 2, between February and August when she will have all 3 of them for a weekend, neither until after Easter. It's nice to have a couple of quite weekends to look forward to, and I should be able to manage to get those to be ones that my own DC are at their dad's, but I'm still feeling a bit pissed off that she's managed to come up with crap excuses as to why she can't have them every other weekend over half a year. DH sort of understands how I feel but it's difficult to express it without sounding like I don't want them around. And actually he would like to have them with us almost every weekend - he says we can go out anyway, but then a lot of times I suggest doing something he'll make excuses for not wanting to, because he doesn't really want to go out and leave them, especially on a Friday when the youngest is being dropped off. And I don't find a night out as good when it ends with coming home to boot teenagers off to bed.

Hi, dropped in for a quick glass and to say hi.
Off again now
See Ya

You have my sympathies too Matilda, I would not be able to cope with DC staying every weekend, knowing I had none free...which is why I never considered a man with young DC!

Hello WSM, how are you?

Yes I do understand. I am dealing with a 19 year old stepchild from my husband . It is so sickening to me how he jumps to her every request. I am trying hard to be patient with this witch!!

Nothing wrong with chiores

I know. I am with you

I'm not really fussed about having her every weekend as it is what we've always done and really if we want to go out dps parents are quite good at keeping her. It's just the occasional time her mum offers to keep her and I get excited about the prospect of a Saturday night free and a completely lazy Sunday (even if the grandparents take hey you still have to clean etc before she comes home) and then it mostly never materialises!

This week however I'm off a few extra days around the weekend so I can have some me time while dp has to work

I used to have all my DSCs every weekend for 6 years. Now they are older don't come at all and I think it feels like quite a loss to me and my son.

It's horrible to say it but I think I was mostly just a background childminder rather than someone who was considered important in their lives. It's like fostering children for 6 years and then them going back to their mother and not bothering to visit!

So that's the only thing I'd watch matilda and others - not that I'm saying that will happen to you or to be too depressing - but having step kids for very large parts of their lives does not necessarily mean that they are investing a lot in you. It's a very strange and sometimes not very fulfilling role!