Anyone else had enough?! Join me for a glass of virtual prosecco!

[happygirl87]

Sometimes I find being a step-mother all too much! Can't even be bothered to go into it - just pass the ! Anyone else?!

Thanks Calico. If I go out with dc and leave dh at home with his 2 DC, it means dsc won't see their sibling and dh won't see his DC. If I leave dh at home with all 3 kids he may have a breakdown! He has NEVER had them all on his own. He can't even do bedtime for all of them without me helping!

I just want a break, BUT I don't want to be the reason my DC doesn't see daddy or other siblings. Eurgh- shouts at younger self and says stay away from man with children it's TOO complicated

Whogives...really sorry to read your news, but I hope things get better for you!

Nafnaf, of course you shouldn't be taking all the responsibility.....another reason I avoided men with young DC's like the plague!

Calico, your DSS sounds like he needs some professional help! I know teens get moody and resentful, but to never come out of his room...that can't be normal!

Sorry to hijack.. Just need a 'aaargh!'...

It's DSS's 11th birthday next month. When he turned 10 last year he acknowledged that big parties were giving way to smaller groups and he took three friends to an event and then for a really nice lunch - they all had a great time. However, this year he has asked for a big expensive organised sports party again with as many friends as possible probably because he wants more presents. Cost is around £350 and we pay half.

Am I a meanie to just think 'enough, already'?

£350 seems a hell of a lot before presents! Would telling him that would be his present work?

I think it's a lot. And the fact that he's asked doesn't mean the parents should always say yes, but they do. After the change last year I just really expected them to say 'let's do a smaller group...'

I don't think he has any idea of the cost and no, presents would be on top.

He wouldn't have any idea of the cost at the age of 11 would he claude? It's a bit rough if you and DP aren't the ones who get to decide whether he can have the party and how many to invite. I always paid the whole of my kids' party costs as I figured their dad paid me child support so it was my cost, but gather that's not how it always works..... I used to restrict them to the minimum number you had to pay for - usually around 12, which would make it around £100 usually. It's nice to let him have a party if that's what he wants as he is only 11, but no reason not to set some limit on numbers.

IME parties tend to stop by around 12 or so, in favour of small group activities and sleepovers, so hopefully you don't have too many more years of it.

I'm feeling pissed off today at DSC's mum. DSD (15) is struggling at school in the run up to GCSEs and the school have emailed DH and his ex requesting a meeting saying they're concerned about her academically and her mental health :( DSD's mum however cannot be arsed to go because it involves driving across town so has said DH can go on his own. I've offered to go with him, but that's not really a substitute for her own mother taking a bit of bloody interest in her DH says he'll just go on his own.

No, of course DSS doesn't know. It's up to parents to say 'that's very expensive, could we do something else? How about XYZ?'

Instead, his mum has just told him it's OK and then mentioned it to DH but made it clear if he says no he'll be the bad guy.

I just thought these huge party events were over by this age. DSS gets very ratty about having to invite any girls at all and school friends who's parties he has happily attended recently. The smaller group thing solved all that.

Maybe he should just say he'll only pay £60, or whatever half the cost would be for smaller numbers. But I wouldn't envy you trying to have that conversation.

Wdigin I agree, but anything I say is seen as me having a go at DSS. There are other behaviour issues too.

I did try and mention at the weekend that is was not healthy nor normal. DH told me that my DS was exactly the same at his age.

He was not, he did play on the computer a lot but he went out with friends, competed at county level in his sport, coached kids in Karate and did extra classes at weekends.

Generally I do not say anything as I do not want to argue with DH, and it does not really effect me.

Whogives sorry to hear that things havnt worked out with you and DH. I hope things start to get better for you from now on.

Calico my brother was a bit like your DSS while in high school he eventually grew out of it. My parents did however force him to leave the room for meals and sit at the table with the rest of us.

Claud that is a lot of money to just be expected to pay for a party. We are lucky so far as all birthday party money has come out of an account that DP and ex set up when DSD was born that they both pay money into each week. Hopefully that continues to be the case.

On a positive note we have DSD here tonight. She has thanked me for the extra present I had for her from my trip away and for making her dinner without any prompting it is nice to be appreciated. DP has also been great the last week. Even offered to be the one to do all wedding talk with my mum as I was sick of telling her I didn't want to hear about it.

Well, guess who wants to come back....and guess who spent a weekend nagging his kids . Not sure how I feel about any of it. Not really read to open the lines of communication, I was only just getting use to it all. Sorry I know this isn't specifically SP related but is has (for me anyway) a lot to do with it

Not surprised who gives - bit make sure you aren't swayed by a temporary fix.

On a positive note, my youngest DSD has been asking DP if I can give her music lessons. I've never had resentment from her or the next youngest.

That sounds lovely bananas! What instrument (s) do you play?

And who gives I'd definitely make sure it's what you want because I can't imagine the strength it would take to do it in the first place never mind doing it again if things don't change!

Does anyone have any advise of what to say to or do when you have a crying almost 5 year old because she misses her mother who co-sleeps with her most nights?

Have you tried having a picture of her mum beside her? Dsd sleeps fine in our house by herself (she only starts missing people really in either house when she is in trouble). But at her grandparents when her mum isn't there (they cosleep) they put a picture of her in beside her. No idea if that would work. Or if you'd want a picture of her mum

Thanks Matilda that's a good idea and something we can try. DSD is usually fine but if there has been a disruption to contact or if she is sick it happens. Sometimes I think its an attention seeking bed time trick but others it is genuine and I never know what to say to make it easier.

See I hate when dsd does it when I'm looking after her because it's probably not me she wants but she does often just use the missing mummy/daddy/granny card to try and get out of trouble with everyone knows what strings to pull so she does!

DSD usually tells DP she misses mummy but its OK if NZmonkey comes in instead. Ah yes we also have one who knows what strings to pull and when has been playing her parents off against each other since she was 3 with the mum said or dad said I can/can't have/do whatever.

Dsd doesn't do it as much cause it gets her nowhere now thankfully! Although she has developed a "my life is so hard" attitude she has too many toys to pick from, she can't draw flowers well etc! Must be exhausting being five

Yes my DSD is finally starting to realise it isn't getting her anywhere now either, was sorta entertaining to watch when they hadn't figured out what she was doing though. Oh hopefully that isn't what we have to look forward to next

Thanks Matilda! Sorry didn't see the post. I play a couple of instruments, but piano is one.

It's just nice to be reminded that some of my DSCs do quite like me, I think?! I got so fed up last year, so overwhelmed with it all. I got a lot of resentment and ignored a lot - but I think it meant far less to them, it was their own tunnel vision I think, and still is probably.

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Leamarie thank you will gladly have a are you OK?

We are off abroad with DSD tomorrow to get married

Wow! Congratulations! I shall definately raise a glass with you then! 🍷🍷🍷 glad your issues are something you can get through...as of yesterday I think I'm quits! Haha