Anyone else had enough?! Join me for a glass of virtual prosecco!

[happygirl87]

Sometimes I find being a step-mother all too much! Can't even be bothered to go into it - just pass the ! Anyone else?!

God, as DD is quite close to us in age, by the time I hit menopause she will be late 20's- I could have DSGC!

Aaaaand.....as expected, dss returned to sender.

Back at ours today, which means his 'D'M had him for a whole two days over the whole of the summer holidays. 2 days out of 7 weeks.

I actually don't know how she can live with herself.

dp is going to suggest they reverse residency. Then, once we do, stop paying her maints and she can take him to court or the CMA if she wants it back.

Dp will save the money for dss as we don't really 'need' it (though I might persuade him to put a bit more in the joint account to cover food as we will be buying more)

Just want to say to all the SM's out there feeling the strain, give yourself a massive pat on the back (a bar a choc, glass of wine, or 5 mins peace). Its bloody hard work with little or no thanks.

My advice, as a SM to 2 boys and one of my own is make time for yourself. If you're feeling at your wits end, you're far more likely to over react. Its important to give yourself time and space to regroup, calm down, shout into a pillow (whatever you do to feel like "you" again). The kids will seem far more manageable when you're on top of your stuff.

If you need to chuck the kids into a softplay, hand over to grandparents/ friends for a morning- DO IT.

EVERYONE needs a break, being a step parent does not make you immune to the trials of being a parent.

Hi ladies can I join for some early prosecco? Read through this thread and it made me feel so much better. I have one DSD (8) who can be challenging. DH and I are ttc and I keep wondering if we should give up because of how challenging just one step child can be, maybe I'm not cut out for being a mother. However reading this makes me feel like parenting your own is completely different. I have significant challenges with DSDs dm who is a massive problem to my marriage and our family life.

Melonfool - yes residency might be a good idea - 2 days out of 7 weeks! She's dumping her child - the kid must feel that. I had the same - a resident DSD and her mum kept 'avoiding' any contact when the girl clearly needed her mum (DP works long hours) - she's now 19 and in a position where I'm still called on to be 'her parent' but her Mum tells her that I have 'no rights to ask her to do anything in my house' so in impossible situation where she is keeping the 'mum role' to herself but not doing any of it. (And yes we pay maintenance to her... )

Alice... it's not you it is the situation! I'm feeling like giving up too... have 4 DSCs and it is just overwhelming.

4 dcs deserve 4x and the respect of all of us. X

Alice - thanks! Might take you up on that!!!

Welcome Cadbury and Alice Cadbury thanks for the support message - it's good to hear!

Hope everyone else is ok- I was in the office v v v late and am now so tired I can barely freakin see, so apologies if am not very lucid!

I've just uncorked a bottle of white. DH is out tonight. We have DSD for two weeks from this weekend and she was with us for the last two weeks, so this is the welcome calm eye of the storm.

I think I'll leave the thread I started (which I kind of regret - didn't get across myself very well!) and join this one, for a large one!!

Have a lovely evening Alice! Hi KKaty, get comfy and have a drink!

Well I got my Prosseco! Came home from work today to find (unexpededly) DSD1 sat on the couch with a mini bottle of Prosseco she'd kept from her 18th - she got the A-level results she needed so was celebrating and offered me a glass :) Had a nice chat with her all excited about going off to Uni, freshers week, etc.

She has now gone out clubbing to celebrate with friends, so god knows what state she'll be in when she gets back later... But was lovely to share the happy time with her :)

Hello! My dsd is coming here for a week in 10 days time. Last time she was here (couple of weeks ago) we had all been camping (me, dp, dd 17, dsd 12 and dd 9) and dsd accused my 9 year old of stealing her socks. 15 pairs. We were only camping for three nights and then she was here one night! I packed dds stuff coming back so know there were no extra socks. Dsd wouldn't back down and insisted that dd or me have moved her socks. I found four odd ones in the laundry basket but no other socks. She then started on my kids saying she doesn't want to be in the same room as them so my kids promptly went out swimming and then dp said it wasn't fair they didn't ask dsd to go. Wtf??

Dsd had a go at me saying I always move her stuff or dd hides it. She went home later that day leaving three pairs of socks on our sofa.

We are moving to a rented house soon and I'm dreading the "which is my room" conversation. There are only three rooms and after three years sleeping in the living room I'm not giving up my bedroom. And neither of mine really wan t to share with her (due to her leaving stuff lying about and then accusing people of stealing it) but can't share with each other.

Pass the wine!!

dss gave me a hug when dp brought me home from the station. He doesn't do that often but now and then he does.

Despite that he's been a pita. I took myself to bed at nine and have told dp I am cross that ex thinks it's OK to just dump him on us all the time. dp is cross too but not much can be done really.

Deep sigh.

Not really looking forward to our holiday next week, kind of sick of the sight of them both.

Coffee-the socks! You need a drink!
Melon - A hug sounds nice! Had that only once, years ago now... sigh - but having to deal with the emotional repercussions of a child being 'dumped' because they are 'difficult' - I've had this one. Tough position to be in - breeding ground for resentment from the child upwards. At least you sound like you car.

care I mean!

Can anyone tell me how long it took them to love their DP's child? I've been with my DP for a year and he has a 9 yo DD that I am trying so hard to love but am finding it so difficult.

I don't love dss, but I'm generally not gushing with my emotions - I don't 'love' my friends or family really. So maybe I'm not the right person to answer :)

I think being fond of is really enough.

Morning all, happy weekend!
Yellow so pleased you got to have a happy moment with DSD- hope she wasn't too drunk later!
Coffee, "sockgate" sounds horrendous and you have my sympathy! for you (it's nearly lunchtime after all!)
Melon hope DSS has settled a bit now he's back with you, it sounds like a struggle all round
Mimi one year is very early days IME in step parent timing- esp if you don't have residency it takes time just to get to know DSC! Don't put pressure on yourself, it sounds very normal to me.

Didn't post yest as was busy having a very lovely day with DH and DSD- think my main problems are with X and ILs and arrangements, but actually being with DSD is great...I know Im very lucky in that respect, and must remember that!

Hi,

I hope you don't mind if I just jump straight on a stool at the bar? I'll have something large and strong please (Even if it is virtual) :)

Hi thisname large one coming up! Sit back and get comfy! Hope you're ok

Alice: Oh yes, having your own DC is very different!
Mimi: Sorry but you may never grow to actually 'love' your SC, well certainly not in the way you love your own! But in the interests of creating a stable and contented family life, (easier for me, all DC & DSC were grown when I met DH) you need to fake it till you make it!
Move over at the bar ladies, it's my round!!!

So, we are now on our holiday in the South West, near dp family.
I thought it would be nice to be near them, do a few things with them, but we've got a little house so can do our own thing as well.
But in fact dp has made plans for the whole week without telling me, these are all things that don't interest me - shooting, fishing, motorbike stuff, country show..... He told one of his sisters that she and I would spend the day together Friday. Er......why? She's OK but I didn't come on holiday with my dp to spend a day on my own with his sister. It's not like we have much in common or there is anything I'd like to do that she would (or could afford).

Meanwhile the exw has swanned off to the Med for a week. And dp other sister, whose house we are now at, is wibbling on about her 50th birthday and how she needs to get hold of exw to invite her. But I'm not invited it seems. It's not like they live near each other or see each other and a few years ago dp asked dsis to reduce contact with exw (honestly, they never were great friends or anything) as exw was using the contact to stir and find out information.

None of them bloody drink and I left the wine in our rented house.