Anyone else had enough?! Join me for a glass of virtual prosecco!

[happygirl87]

Sometimes I find being a step-mother all too much! Can't even be bothered to go into it - just pass the ! Anyone else?!

God no, I posted further back about dsd being on her laptop from waking until bedtime at 10pm for the entire week she was with us in the summer. Completely antisocial! I got my kids out of the way so they could have 1 to 1 time and I might as well not have bothered. I ended up replying to a text from her mum to dp complaining about me shouting (once in 8 days) which had completely stressed out dsd and she now feels unable to visit again. She's 12. I replied that my shouting was in response to dsd calling me a thief and spending all day every day on her laptop.

We had dsd last weekend. Dp asked her mum when he could see her at Xmas. He was offered weekend before (Friday to Sunday) and then boxing day for a week. He was really happy. Then she came back and said dsd doesn't want to come on Friday as she's got a birthday party on Saturday so Sunday to Tuesday instead. We have unmoveable plans on the Monday, we are out from 8am until midnight, tickets booked ages ago. So ex has replied saying both her and dsd are very disappointed and we have now been offered 29th Dec for four days. Because a week is too long for dsd. Which is odd as it was fine until we weren't cooperating with the dates before Xmas.

So we all dance to dsds and exes tune. While ex takes dp back to court to try and wring more money out of him. She really is a woman who delights in controlling the man she walked out on.

Dss was on his pc from after school til 11.40pm last night and tonight he has a friend round.
I prefer him staying in his room to be completely honest but I object to the grumpiness we get when he's been up late.
We made him come for a walk with us today and he had his club, tomorrow is the homework he refused to do today.
He and dp were supposed to go away this weekend and I was really looking forward to peace and quiet, but they cancelled. :(

LazySue, no that is not normal or acceptable....well not in my book anyway!

Sorry to interrupt the tone of the thread but wanted to share. DSD told me before she left that she loves me very much and asked to keep me. I said of course you get to keep me we have every Wednesday and other weekend. She said no she wants to take me home to mums house as well makes all the tough times worth it.

Lovely to hear NZ makes it a little easier.

We have the lovely teenager 50/50. Christmas is alternated. This year it's at the Mums, except our week with the teenager falls over christmas. We have asked would Mum like to rearrange, change days etc so she can have the teenager for christmas. She is not 'bothered' and isn't in to christmas any more so would we like the teenager? (of course we'd be thrilled). Meanwhile the teenager doesn't know and feels sure that Mum will want them for christmas. I am finding this really hard (horrified for the teenager) and don't really understand why Mum wouldn't want their child for christmas....

dss dm isn't bothered either.

Mind you, not sure dp is - I bought dp an advent calendar of a theme he likes. I mentioned to him more than once he needs to buy one for dss.

Then I bought one for myself (with herbal tea bags in).

So, I have one, dp has one but dss doesn't. And yet I get it in the neck yesterday when dp realised. And dss said he'd just do the one at his dm's then (for reference, I have bought them in the past, including the Lego one, and he's never seemed very interested, but I am trying to be less invested this year) - and I had to resist saying "but you'll only get to open two doors won't you?".

sorry not keeping with the Xmas theme. Is there such a thing as Stockholm syndrome for men who have been in a long term controlling relationship??? that's what it seems like my partner has, he cant seem to do anything with out worrying what his ex will think/do/react. In fairness most of the time she does over react, but it shouldn't take precedence over the welfare of the kids, me, and our relationship.
The most recent is he hasn't acted on a therapists recommendations because he is worried what his ex will do, I think screw her do whats right for the child

rose - We have all the DSC every year for Christmas as their mum doesn't appear to mind. Like you I find it odd. DH is happy that he gets to have them so doesn't think too much about it - the same with us having them every weekend, he doesn't think about why she doesn't want them or what that means for the quality of relationship they have with their mum. I've not really questioned it much either as these arrangements had been set up before I was involved and I don't want to sound like I don't want the DSC around. But I'm increasingly wondering whether it's really in the DSCs interests not to spend any quality time with their mum. I'm not sure you can really do a good job of parenting teens without having time together.

My ex is a bit the same with Christmas tbh, and can't really be bothered so I get my DC every year. But at least I'm not handing him £££ every month to be their "primary carer" as DH does to his ex, who then fails to actually parent two of them.

My DSS was on playstation in his room from after school on Friday till Sunday evening. He only came out for the bathroom (I hope) and DH took his meals into him. When DH told him to get ready to go to his mothers on Sunday evening, he asked if he could finish his game first, ffs. I did not see him at all.

I say nothing and make no comment.

We're sharing Christmas. Dsds mum will have her Christmas Eve and we will go to see her open prezzies early morning then go away for a few hours and pick her up in the afternoon to take her to ours for the rest of the day. And since I was dreading this first year of how it would work I'm happy

Sorry to interrupt the thread. Just wanted to say goodbye to you all. Thank you all for your support and help. I wish you all a very merry Xmas stay strong with all your struggles. Good luck for the future I wish you all happiness :-)

I'm so sorry to hear things haven't worked out WSM. You put up with way more than I ever could have. All the best with what ever you decide to do. You deserve way better than the way you have been treated by you SDC mum and you DP (as I know its too early for wine here)

Oh WSM, what a shame for you all. I'm still struggling on but am close to leaving about twice a week.

Good luck!

WSM, good luck to you, I really hope things work out for you....one way or another!

Good luck, WSM. I think you deserve better and life is too short to put up with everything you have with no sign of improvement.

Sorry to see you go WSM, pop on of you like and good luck

Sounds like you've been under a lot of pressure WSM! I don't blame you for wanting to escape, perhaps stepping out of it will be beneficial to all for a while.

I'm having all the DSC over for Christmas, all four of them for lunch! The first time their mum has 'released' them to their Dads even though two are adults now. I'm happy for DP but I know I'll be in the invisible one so will just grab some wine and be a good host.

On the down side, DP is refusing to come away for New Year for a couple of days with my friends, who are all lovely.

We don't have the kids for Xmas this year, we get them Boxing Day but h was talking about getting them after that.

H has home to get the kids, I'm hoping for a better weekend than last time (couldn't get much worse). I've put it behind me and am yet again, going in with a positive attitude. I'm doing this by not getting involved one bit

So glad I found you all. Before I strart ranting, please inform me what DS DH and all these other abbreviations mean?

DH dear husband DP partner DS son DD daughter DSC step chid DSD step daughter DSS step son etc
Someone correct me if wrong

Welcome and rant away you have found the right pace for and no judgement

As for Christmas I knew DP and his ex wouldn't sort it out till very last minute so in order not to stress about it I booked plane tickets to visit my parents alone. Go there Christmas eve get back here Christmas day late afternoon DP will pick me up from airport and have the evening together. I'm assuming DSD will be with him but that probably won't be confirmed till 2 days before. My mum is so excited I'm coming home its the first time I've done Christmas eve/Christmas morning at home in 8 years.

I like your attitude of not getting involved. I have also reached that point where I am not trying to be the better mom. DSD in not mine. She will never be. But sometimes I really want to take the mac and cheese (or whatever meal she refuses to eat this time) and smashing the whole bowl against the wall.

Wish me luck it's dsds birthday weekend had a birthday party last night and tomorrow me dsd dp and her mum are having some time together and then having lunch and bowling... Things should be fine and I'm probably stressing for nothing