Anyone else had enough?! Join me for a glass of virtual prosecco!

[happygirl87]

Sometimes I find being a step-mother all too much! Can't even be bothered to go into it - just pass the ! Anyone else?!

I feel you sister. DSD birthdays are my worst. Can't help not to feel extremely jealous

Ah, Stepmonster, you too have a 'non eater'. Dss refuses to eat most food. It drives me mad. He also messes about, sits in a slouch, refuses to use a knife and firm properly, picks up huge bits of meat on his fork and chews at them off the fork like a lollipop.
I've bought him a baby battery operated spaghetti fork for his Christmas stocking since he is incapable of eating it without making a huge mess.

He's 14.

All my children (ds dsc) are in the other room eating curry.....we had fussy eaters, but it turns out they eat by thier eyes. Curry was a no no, not any more. OAN I'm hiding in my room :)

Outtogetyou DSS 10 is like that. Nose half an inch from the food. He holds a fork like a soup spoon and uses it with his knife to drag the food into large chunks.

I don't get why any parent would want their child to eat like that. I have no idea at what age it's too late to change the bad habits. I say nothing...

stepmonster know what you mean about throwing something sometimes. Not usually about food thou as DSD is a lot less fussy than DP and only 4 so usually eats at her table earlier than us.
Matilda good luck I don't think I could do it, birthdays with heaps of people there where I can play with the kids and stay out of DSDs mums way are one thing just the 4 of us I couldn't do. You get along well though don't you, so it should he fine, bowling sounds fun.

My ss eats like he's been starved for a week , he's 14. He's been like that for years.

I just feel like a spare part at the birthday things at times. Last night I played photographer

Oh Matilda for you- I hate that feeling!

I am feeling guilty as we had DSD last weekend and my Mum took her for an hour as I have been working crazy hours and haven't seen DH at all- plus she and my Mum love seeing each other- but my Mum took her to a fair and ended up spending over £100 on those stalls like hoopla, coconut shy etc! Have offered to pay back of course, but DM won't hear of it. I do think at 10 DSD should know not to keep asking.....

Did she maybe not ask? I know what my family are like with dsd and it wouldn't be her it would definitely be them cause they love having her around so much

Well I survived and it actually was okay. Shattered and have to find places for the presents and dsd is being a little bit brattish now which is obviously because she is tired

So glad it was ok Matilda - and it's one thing that's now over for another year!

Yeah just Christmas then there's not much together till next year! December is a big month.

How's everyone else survived this weekend?

Hi All,

New here, been a lurker for some time though!

Thought I'd add to the thread with a big, fat ARGHHHHHHHHH!

Is anyone else having massive problems with their SC's mum and Christmas plans?

What's yours doing high heels?

Matilda - last year my partner and I were relatively new and we didn't spend Christmas together. I spent Christmas abroad with my family and my partner was supposed to be seeing his son on Boxing Day. However the week before Christmas his ex decided he wasn't allowed to see his son at all over the festive period (obviously my partner was devastated).

In light of preventing this from happening again, back in June (or maybe even before then) my partner and his ex agreed we would have DSS on Boxing Day for the night and he could have a "second Christmas" with us. He knows Father Christmas will be making 2 stops, at both his homes, and is very excited about it (DSS is 6).

However, she is now putting all sorts of restrictions on what we thought was a plan, moving goalposts and making life extremely difficult - to the point where my partner is beginning to feel like this is a repeat of last year and we won't be seeing DSS at all which is very upsetting for us all.

To add, the ex is with somebody new (since April this year) and DSS is spending Christmas Day afternoon/evening with her partner's side of the family so I don't think it's because I'm in the picture!

Getting very sick and tired of it all!!!!!

That sounds terrible for you and your dp! Especially if he ends up unable to see his son for a second year in a row. We're lucky we've managed to agree on a plan but I was always worried Christmas would be complicated

Matilda - as expected it now looks like Boxing Day is a no go.

We try to keep contact flexible and my partner is very reactant to go down the court route but with her unreasonable behaviour I fear it may be the only option.

Did you go through court to get your access with SC sorted?

*reluctant - silly phone!

Hi Highheels that is really sad that you and DP might not get to see your DSS at all over christmas. When DP and his ex broke up they made up a contract signed through the court system that dictates access, there is alot of flexibility in it but it does state shared time over christmas and other holidays/birthdays. They didn't actually go to court to do this they agreed upon it together and signed it. Then sent it off to be official. (not sure if it can be done the same in UK but would assume so).

Well done on surviving the birthday Matilda it should hopefully make your christmas arrangement slightly less daunting now you have already spent the day with DSDs mum for the birthday.

DP still hasn't even spoken to his ex about christmas yet and i'm not caring at all thanks to having my own plan. (The contract says he will see her but no more details than that). Might have to do it more often to avoid the stress.

Hi NZmonkey, thanks for you insight! Well this morning conversations haven't gone well as now they are arguing over next years dates so my DP is telling her he'll have to go to a mediator to get this sorted. Ex is saying she can't afford it but I think we still need to progress down this route as they are worse than two children arguing in a playground!

What kind of flexibility did you have put into your agreement? I think this is what is worrying the both of us as currently we are very flexible for both parties but worried a court order would be very rigid.

I don't blame you for having your own plan. My parents live abroad and the temptation to fly out to see them is building! However my sister is coming to spend Christmas with us so there goes that idea!!!!

Matilda that's really lovely that you will be with SC to open presents on Christmas. At this rate I have no idea when DSS will be getting his from us

Dp and his ex just made the arrangements themselves no court and she sticks to the every weekend arrangement fine just holidays have to be organised. The birthday did help me feel less worried about Christmas as I had a birthday party and a whole afternoon to survive whereas we will only be popping in for a visit Christmas morning then picking her up in the afternoon so Christmas will be easier my family are delighted that dsd is coming to our dinner too

Sorry to hear of how hard it is to get the kids for Christmas. Hope it goes well!

Am at my wits end with DSCs and DP. They have stopped coming weekends partly due to their social life, partly as one had an argument with DP. Yet still order him as a daily/weekend taxi, rarely visit. Never ask about their sibling my child. Though for the first time ever they are coming for Christmas. Even though I won't have my own kid will cook lunch etc.

My problem is my DP says his life is crap etc without them and gets cross with me. I've invited them around etc but to be honest they've all brought it on themselves, kids are spoilt, DP doing everything with nothing back.

Highheels their parenting order has things like while DSD is with one parent she may have contact with the other via visitation, skype, phone etc as mutually agreed upon. It states that EOWE Days she will be with DP but the overnights are to be mutually agreed upon (we are trying to get this changed along with other things as we have had her overnight fri/sat EOW for a year and half and every wed night for 4 months). "On birthdays, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, long weekends and other public holidays care will be arranged and agreed upon by both parents. Holidays are to be arranged and mutually agreed upon by both parents." Total flexibility in that one. "On Christmas Day, DSD will spend four hours with mum and four hours with Dad or as otherwise arranged and agreed upon by both parents." also heaps of flexibility but no less than 4 hours so regardless of how bad things go between them DP still gets a minimum of 4 hours. I'm still unsure how many hours DP and his ex think there are in one day, my last check there was 24 not just 8 haha. We are also trying to change the christmas clause to one having overnight christmas eve to midday christmas day and the other having christmas day to boxing day and then alternating each year.

Hope some of that may help in your deciding.

Matilda that's really good to hear! Do you have SC every weekend for the whole weekend?

Bananas How old are your SC? I am worried this is how it's going to turn out when DSS is older as he'll want to spend more time with his friends than come and see us! Could you potentially go out for dinner/lunch on a Sunday as a family to try to keep contact up?

NZmonkey That's good to hear there is flexibility in there. DP wants to go for one night every weekend (which has worked very well this year) plus taking DSS on holidays etc as opposed to EOW (which is what his ex wants). He feels having DSS every week has resulted in a very strong relationship between them both and feels EOW would diminish this. Do you and DP live close to the ex? We don't which makes things like 4 hours guaranteed at Christmas difficult. Was this after mediation or did this get agreed in court? I'm still absolutely disgusted with her behaviour surrounding this Christmas. It's so disappointing. The EOW nights she has sent to us for next year (which DP is not agreeing to) include us not seeing DSS over his birthday or Christmas yet again!!

DSS who is 10 (and does not know how to do anything for himself apart from getting dressed) has been given his own laundry basket.

I told DH that I will only wash what is in the basket as I am sick of going into DSS's room to look for dirty clothes screwed up on shelves and in drawers. He told DSS this. In the last couple of months, he has used the laundry basket about three times.

So, weeks later, the laundry basket is still empty. He won't run out of clothes or underwear etc for a while yet as we provide lots of stuff for him.

I could just leave it. But it's just gross. If he was 15 I might expect it, but 10 seems like a good age to learn/do these things and get some basic habits. On top of this, he never showers without being nagged, even after sport. Ugh.

What would you do?