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Original poster

Anyone else had enough?! Join me for a glass of virtual prosecco!

999 replies

happygirl87 · 09/08/2015 21:41

Sometimes I find being a step-mother all too much! Can't even be bothered to go into it - just pass the Wine! Anyone else?!

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WhoGivesAFlying · 17/11/2015 09:40

My son is 3 sd is 9 and ss is 14. They will shut him out his room to play and recently, I got a toy for ds from the charity shop. All the kids played with it....then they started not giving ds any of it and using all the bits for them self. If it has been thier stuff and ds had gone off with it DH would have pulled ds up.

Bananasinpyjamas1 · 17/11/2015 13:30

I don't think you are being too sensitive, or rather you are picking up on things on behalf of your son but that's OK in my view.

Kids pick up on the slightest bias. I also had a 'youngest' child compared to older step kids and frequently had to make sure things were fair. At 3 your son is young and may not notice, but as he grows it could affect his relationships with his step siblings if things aren't fair in the household.

Is everything else fairly fair in your household? Is your DH taking things away as in 'these are adult/older kids' things? All the kids played with it....then they started not giving ds any of it and using all the bits for them self. Just because a kid is younger they should still have fair rules about 'stuff', they shouldn't get walked over by the older ones, step or not.

WhoGivesAFlying · 17/11/2015 13:54

I just think he treats his kids differently altogether (guilt). On thier weekends he is there for them undevided (and very defensive). He takes them out to places, shopping, meals. I don't know, it's causing a massive strain on us. And I do believe our ds will notice as he gets older. If I didn't take ds to places, he wouldn't go anywhere. And I do it on my own, DH wouldn't think to suggest on non contact weekend we do something for Ds. He just can't see he's causing a decide and resentment. We are going to Relate soon to try and save all this

WhoGivesAFlying · 17/11/2015 13:59

maybe he does see ds differently, he's made out in the past that he did me a favour having our ds as he didn't want anymore kids (this was after ds was born) and he said he only one he was fully on board with having was he's dd. No wonder she can do no wrong in his eyes.

Disclaimer: ds wasn't a surprise, he was planned

Bananasinpyjamas1 · 17/11/2015 18:06

It's just so hard isn't it. My DP has been like that, he felt that he'd 'done his bit' parenting wise with his older step kids and could drag his feet with ours - which was fine except that he told me that after we'd discussed, planned and had a child together! I certainly didn't persuade/cajole him! As our child has grown older he has realised more and more how much he does want to do for him though, it grew with time.

I wonder if he's doing less because he can get away with it, as it were. Older kids are able to articulate that they need more, especially if there was a split and your DH was guilty. I know my Ex suddenly became 'amazing Dad' and totally spoilt (and still does) our DC AFTER we split - which he took for granted before. It's like he didn't have to 'prove' to his kid, or the outside world how much of a Dad he was when we were together - (and frequently avoided childcare!) - but when we were split up our child 'was his world'. (Sorry about the cynicism creeping in there... !)

Sounds like your DH is taking you both for granted and needs a kick!

WSM123 · 17/11/2015 21:43

I don't have any of my own, but in my humble opinion kids should be taught to share, whether it be with their siblings, step siblings or school mates.
I can understand one special item being "theirs" but not general items/toys

WSM123 · 19/11/2015 19:06

well I had a great day, I had a multitude of text from my partners ex, so much so that I have sought legal advice and I will be charging her with Criminal Harassment.

WhoGivesAFlying · 19/11/2015 19:34

Oh no WMS did you keep them all as proof? Why is she texting you?

WSM123 · 19/11/2015 19:55

Yes I have been keeping them for a year in case my partner needed them for anything (custody related).
She is trying to cause trouble between me and my partner, and just basically trying to insult me eg calling me a whore, and titless slut (I have small boobs and she thinks I will be upset hehe) and making out that my partner isn't happy with me.
Its actually kind of amusing what she thinks will upset me, but its a pain in the butt

WhoGivesAFlying · 19/11/2015 20:21

You must really get to her for her to go to all that trouble Grin! She sound like she has no life but to bug you! Sad IMO

WSM123 · 19/11/2015 20:34

exactly, in fact I caved in an replied to a text yesterday saying it was quite sad that she spent so much time thinking about me when she barely crossed my mind (except when she texts). She sent 15 texts yesterday hehehehehe

WhoGivesAFlying · 19/11/2015 20:42

15!!! Jeeze! She's obsessed with you! I've never sent 15 text to one person in one day (unless it's a running convo) 15!! Does she do this to your DH to?

WhoGivesAFlying · 19/11/2015 20:44

I think I'd have to reply saying @my friends and I are all having a good laugh at how obsessed and stalkery you are"

WhoGivesAFlying · 19/11/2015 20:45

What did she say to your response ?

WSM123 · 19/11/2015 20:51

oh yeah she sends them to my DH too, and they are essays not just little one liners.
She cant be very smart because her response was, "I don't spend time thing (her typo) of you I spend time laughing at you with my friends......... (sexual stuff I wont repeat) and other choice things.
so apparently she wastes time annoying her friends talking about me without thinking about me.

WhoGivesAFlying · 19/11/2015 20:56

I hope you get your harassment order, she's sound nuts! Can't you block her number till then? I'd say to her "I'm blocking you now so you'll be wasting your time, don't bother replying as I won't reveive it"

WSM123 · 19/11/2015 21:12

The only reason I haven't blocked her is because we have been gathering evidence of her behaviour because she is threatening to withhold visitation etc (hence why I have kept the messages)
The officer I phoned for advise said the harassment order is prob a better option for me at this stage as I have asked her several times to stop texting and delete my number and because its gone on for so long (almost 2 years)

Bananasinpyjamas1 · 19/11/2015 22:50

That is a lot of texts and messages!

Wdigin2this · 19/11/2015 23:43

OMG, what awful people there are out there!

WSM123 · 20/11/2015 02:25

I hadn't quite realised how many and how awful until I collated them to take to the cop shop. I have only been keeping them since sept last year and not all of them but there are still pages and pages of nastiness. Will go into the local station in my lunch break on Monday

NZmonkey · 20/11/2015 08:05

WhoGives I don't think your being overly sensitive either. I don't have children of my own but agree with WSM in the sharing idea of toys unless its something special. DSDs cousins often come to our house to play even when she is at her mums and they are allowed any of her toys to play with.

Wow WSM your DPs ex is full on. I have no idea how you manage to cope with all that. I think I would have lost the plot with it. I am really starting to think I have it easy. Hope all goes well at the station on Monday.

We have just DP and I in the house tonight after visitors all week, its very quiet. Looking forward to Sunday, we are taking DSD to a work Christmas picnic which her cousins who I adore will be at too. Then catching up with an old friend who is in town for the day Grin

WhoGivesAFlying · 20/11/2015 08:45

NZ, enjoy tonight :). The picnic sounds fun! We have a full house from tonight. DH is going to tell the kids to sort all thier toys out and anything special is to go out of sight. Here's to a good weekend!

MeridianB · 20/11/2015 10:05

Whogives I don't think you are BU at all. I would get fed up with this really quickly. Apart from the harm it can do to all three of the DC, it's just SO unnecessary.

Are the SCs shutting your DS out of his own room? That's outrageous. I'd come down hard on that.

If your DH continues to be a twit about this then I think a nice shopping trip for you DS for some 'exclusive' toys is in order. Bless him.

WhoGivesAFlying · 20/11/2015 10:53

Yes, it's his/thier room. They have their own rooms at thier house so I think it's a bit unfair to not let him play with the un used toys. It's not so much ss, but sd only is interested in her studs if ds wants to play with it

Bananasinpyjamas1 · 20/11/2015 12:07

whogives Meridian had a good idea - shop for your DS to get some lovely toys just for him - keep them in a special place that his siblings are not allowed to go into - - preferably with your DPs money.

If his siblings do want to play with them then that is the time to bring up a chat about rules and toys!

Also - for a couple of years I realised that I had to spend a lot more time actually in the room/bedroom or wherever my DS played when his step siblings were here - as they were bossing/being mean sometimes and I knew if I wasn't there to check them, as the youngest and 'outside' he'd get walked all over. It really helped make my DS feel protected and after a while, once siblings had got the message, I could back off.