Anyone else had enough?! Join me for a glass of virtual prosecco!

[happygirl87]

Sometimes I find being a step-mother all too much! Can't even be bothered to go into it - just pass the ! Anyone else?!

Christmas - we made it routine that we have dss from Boxing day, ex has him Xmas day.

Last year, we had him from the end of school until Christmas Eve, she was due to pick him up at 9am. She arrived about 3pm. We'd not been able to do anything all day, not knowing what she was doing and she wasn't answering texts etc. Poor kid, just waiting for her on Christmas Eve!

Then she texted dp at 8.30am Boxing Day to say 'don't forget you're picking him up at 9am today' - sorry but she's a bitch. (it was supposed to be 9.30am anyway, not that we care about half an hour) We then had him til after new year.

Anyway, that means we've never had a CD, but does mean we've had routine which dss has been able to understand and anticipate.

This year however, he is older so the routine part isn't important any more and we have made a bid to have him from end of school to 28th, and she has not objected.

My only advice to those starting out is try not to plan too rigidly, don't emotionally commit to certain plans or ideas, try not to get het up when some other woman seems to have more control over your life than you do.....

So, this coming weekend is our w/e with dss. We had an extra one last weekend due to having a party (see above) and we would like him 21st/22nd for more parties, this time we are invitees.

I suggested to dp that we ask dm to swap for this weekend else she won't have him all of Nov. Plus I'd like to go to my sister's - dss can come but he might find it a bit dull, and he has a club on Sat he won't want to miss. Anyway, after ages nagging/reminding dp, he eventually texted ex on Monday. He texted "do you have dss this weekend" to which she replied [quite rightly] 'no, it's your normal weekend'.

So, I asked why he hadn't asked her what we needed to know - can we swap 14th w/e for 21st w/e? He said meaning gets lost in the nuance of texting. Um......

So, now he has arranged for dss to stay with a friend on 14th, so he still won't be with dm, and she has agreed we can have him 21st/22nd - so, as I predicted, she won't see him any weekend in Nov. It really just beggars belief. We already have him 70% of the time on our 'normal' times anyway. And dp pays maintenance (and I have asked him to pay more into our joint account as our grocery bills have gone up due to having dss with us more, so he is paying twice!).

Germgirl, if you're still around I just wanted to say hi and . My DSD is 10 and I have no DC so I know where you're coming from!

Out- I am SO frustrated for you! No help I'm afraid but buckets of flowers and admiration- I have NO idea how you do it!

It was our turn to have DSD for Christmas this year, and her DM has just announced she is taking her to France We will probably have her next year, but this year we are with PILs and SIL and her baby will be there, which DSD would have loved, and next year we'll be with my parents probably.... Sigh. As said up thread, don't rely on any plans made too much!

Hi Dragons. Thank you

Dragons, there may well now be a change of plan on the France trip!

DP was so horrible to me in front of his daughter yesterday and then refused to speak to me or look at me with her still with us. As expected DSD therefore would not speak or look at me she is only 4 so follows dads example. He is teaching her already its ok to treat your partner like rubbish. This is not the life I want. Its Monday morning here but can I have a wine ?

NZ that sounds awful I struggle enough when dsd is upset with me for her own reasons never mind that! Have some wine it's only 7pm here

Sorry a little bit off topic but I seem to the the bad guy again and we didn't even have the kids this weekend.
We were watching cricket, and I jokingly said "which team wears white" because that's what 6yr old ad asked last weekend, and apparently that that means im picking on him (even though hes not even there) Im assuming the ex has been on his case with out me knowing so im getting the brunt of his frustration but its really not fair, I have turned my ph off because I cant be bothered with his BS but need to vent. sorry everyone

Thanks Matilda know exactly what you mean, she wldnt even say goodbye to me yesterday.

WSM you sound like you need to join me in the pretending its 7pm Sunday night wine

Thanx NZ, I will have a nice hot coffee (not ideal to drink at work)
I get that he is frustrated with everything but im sick of being the fall guy. I will hope for a busy day at work so I don't have time to think about his shit

I am usually the fall out guy too, definitely starting to wonder if its worth it. I have the day off as extended family are here. They all got to witness DPs behaviour yesterday too.

yep its a cycle. she does/says something, he gets annoyed, I get the brunt of it. I think WTF am I doing putting up with this shit. Then he realises what hes done, appologises and gets back to his decent self all's good til next time.
Pretty terrible that he did it in front of your family tho. What do they think of it all? I imagine its rather embarrassing as well as disheartening
Maybe have a bailies laced coffee :-)

Does anyone else lose some respect for a man who; a) can be manipulated to an astonishing degree by his grown up DD or b) makes you the fall guy every time something goes wrong/doesn't live up to his expectations!
It's so damn annoying, because in every other way, he's all I want in a man, if that doesn't sound too contradictory?!

Wdigin- OMG you just described my man/relationship. The number of times I have said "screw it I don't deserve this shit" get prepared to tell him to piss off etc and he apologises does something nice (as he usually does day to day when hes not being screwed around by his ex) and I remember why I love him and why we got together in the first place.
wow I just read what o wrote, its like battered woman syndrome with out the battering (or abuse of any type)
And yes I do lose some respect for him each time and as much as I understand why he turns from wonderful to a complete ass I worry that if he keeps it up I will lose too much repsect for him and I will tell him to bugger off, its a fine line he treads (lucky for him love over rules respect up to a point)

You have both just described my relationship as well. Only its young DSC rather than grown up. I also am slowly loosing respect and definitely wondering if its worth it.
WSM my family are starting to wonder what I am thinking as this is the second weekend in a row he has done it.

NZ, yes, mine is two young kids too.
is there a specific thing you are aware of causing his attitude? (I just found out next weekend which is "his" weekend he cant see the 6yr old because hes going to a friends birthday, and hes frustrated because if he saw the kids every Sunday as he wants birthday parties/scouts etc wouldn't interfere)
it must be extra hard when your family is seeing it happening to you

WSM and NZ, I know exactly what you mean...and I have to say, having a grown DSD is no easier! Sorry!

I think he just struggles to cope when he gets less sleep than normal. DSD also hurt herself Friday an accident but was stessed his ex would have a go at him about it. I possibly shld have expected to come in the firing line eventually this weekend.
WSM its a shame you won't see DSS Sunday, can understand your DP being upset but no need to take it out on you. do you get to see them Friday evening Saturday at least?

Wdigin I do worry it will never get easier even once she is an adult. Not that any of it is DSDs fault in fact sometimes I think DSD is the easiest part of step patenting

Friday eveing until Sat noon (so basically half a day because by the time he gets home its almost bed time.
He has got himself all wound up now and hes saying all sorts of random shit about our relationship and how I obviously don't like him Blah Blah,
Man I hate it when he gets like this there is no reasoning with him and anything I say will be twisted to suit himself, Grrr its gonna be a fun night

Oh I've been there WSM its horrible. for you. Half a day over two weeks must be hard on your DP I know mine wld be upset about it as well and probably doing what yours is taking it out on me. You'd think they would understand we aren't the bad guys here. Hope your DP stops taking it out on you soon.

Thanks NZ. I'm ignoring texts and watching tv he probably won't come home until later this evening so I will let him calm down in his own time. Thank you for the flowers

Oh goodness WHM, that all sounds pretty bad! Does he normally go off for a while when he's had a tantrum?
Have to say, I'm not sure if I would want to live with what you're going through, it must be horrid!

He normally gets over it in a day and they have become fewer and further between. The sad thing is this time rather than being worried we might split up I don't care, not sure if its because I'm used to it and know he will get over himself soon enough or if I actually don't care.
Meanwhile I'm enjoying the coffee he made me so he must be coming through it.

Glad to hear he is getting over it WSM and has made you coffee. Hopefully he is plesant after work today too

DSD has been kindly sharing her stomach bugs with me again so its another day off work for me. Surprising no text from her mum having a go at DP for who know what after the weekend. DSD burnt her finger on wkend too, was fine the next day but we were expecting a right meltdown from her mum. But not a word, very very strange.

Oooh, quiet is a double edge sword, it's great while it lasts but you know it's usually brewing for a big one.
Good luck and I hope the bugs don't get the better of you.

I going to post this here as the main board gets hijacked....and if I am being unreasonable id rather hear it from people who understand what being a SP is.

My sc have a cupboard full of toys that they hardly play with, I doubt they could even say what's in there. Most of the toys are broken or old and they've just grown out of them. SS has a few bits that are too old for ds to play with (12 year gap) but some he does. sd has quite a few bits he will play with but DH won't let ds. Now these are things he can't break and some was old paper cuttings that ds wanted to draw on but DH told him no as its sd's.

The kids play with ALL of ds toys and I've never said no. Today ds was playing with an old plastic box that DH gave sd (it was gonna get chucked anyway) and he took it off ds. I told him how I think this is really unfair as the kids have a room each at thier home full of toys. They have everything (DH by his own admission has said they are spoilt). Now, I said to DH, if they don't want ds playing with it they should take it home, or be prepared for the fact that he may find it and play with it. He said I'm being defensive and stupid. I wouldn't mind but he never says to the kids stop playing with DS's toys, only for ds not to play with there's.

Am I being really over sensitive or is this not fair. I think seeming as the kids have their own room with their own toys in that ds obviously doesn't play with that they should expect that he will play with their toys as they all share one room here. That don't even use them!