Anyone else had enough?! Join me for a glass of virtual prosecco!

[happygirl87]

Sometimes I find being a step-mother all too much! Can't even be bothered to go into it - just pass the ! Anyone else?!

Oh Who I feel for you, last night I had to go into dsd at 11.30pm and tell her and friend to be quiet, dh was snoring so no point in waking him. At 1.30am I was woken up by what seemed like runway landing lights being turned on, no it was dsd and friend going to the loo and turning on every light possible. Then leaving the feckers on when they went back to bed.

Got up turned them off, dh still snoring despite my nudging him then at 3.30 the bastard cat decided she was hungry.

I am not a good sleeper anyway so I lay there seething at my dh sleeping throughout all the disturbance. Dh woke dsd and friend (who incidentally is lovely) at 9.30am as she was due at an appointment and got an almighty mouthful from a tired and grumpy 12 yr old.

I cannot remember ever being so rude to my parents I'd have been in so much trouble!!

Gotta love a sleep over susan did your DH say anything to her being rude?

I believe he addressed it I was elsewhere in the house, he did say to her to remember her manners which reminded her to say goodbye to me.

I'm going to arrange social things or the gym or seeing my parents when she's here in future, I'll come back when she's gone to bed. She wants dad to herself and I can't blame her for that and I'm tired of the agro.

Anyone have a peaceful weekend?!

I'm a light sleeper too, thankfully we are not at a sleep over age and I do t think that would happen anyway as they live for far away. They have gone now....all that's left for me to do it to reign back in ds's behaviour. He's alway terrible after they've been here.

Well, dss wasn't here Friday, he stayed at his dm's and came round Sat am, so Fri evening was nice.

We had a party last night. Dss was allowed one friend, which was plus the one we invited anyway as we know his mum. Only one was allowed to sleep over.

Loads of ghastly teens turned up. To be fair they were OK, and left when I told them to sod off.
But dp somehow agreed to one we had never met before staying over along with the one we had previously agreed to. What is the point of agreeing stuff up front if he's just going to override decisions?

Then dss was supposed to be picked up by his DM at ten this morning (it's not our weekend, we had him extra for the party). She had said they were doing something so he couldn't do the scout remembrance parade in the village, which he wanted to do.
She texted at eleven to say he "might as well" stay with us. So he could have done the bloody scout thing. It's the first time he's been interested enough to do anything like that and she just messes it up for him. Especially mean as DP is ex forces so he would have liked dss to do it.

Later was talking about getting a few phone and told dp dss can have my old one. Then dss whined on about going to the phone shop until I wanted to strangle him. We took him out to lunch and I happened to see his current phone.......which has a photo of a half naked woman as the wallpaper. So I went nuts. Dp told him it "wasn't smart", not that porn is degrading to women or that objectifying women is unacceptable......more that it wasn't smart because he got caught.

I now don't feel like want him to have my old phone. He had his iPhone taken away in May due to porn. Dp said he could only have a basic phone, so bought him one. He quickly "broke" it. Dp then gave him an old phone of mine without even asking me, and he then had internet access again. And it turns out he still can't be trusted.

Another tedious conversation coming up with dp.

Ahh, finally house is quiet, DH is taking DSC home . I always hate the end of Sunday afternoons when the DSC are getting packed up as they're really restless and end up fighting, despite being teenagers now. And DH always seems to take forever to get out the house with them. More

outtoget that sounds really hard. I've found rules about internet access is the one thing DH and I have completely failed to agree on. I've had to just back off and parent my own DC while he sets rules for his DS1 or rather he doesn't. I manage DSS2 and the girls aren't a problem but have washed my hands of DSS1 in that respect and just tell myself that it's not my problem. I don't think that's a great recipe for a happily blended family but we'd reached a deadlock when I was nagging him all the time to enforce rules that he said he agreed with, but actually couldn't be bothered with. But with a visible photo on a phone I think you've grounds to say it's not OK in your house or on the phone you've given him.

I've had a few too many and told Dh all I though! Oops ! I'll just go pack my bags.....ignorant twat

WhoGives, hope you're ok!

We've also fallen out over the phone/porn thing which dp does not see as a big issue and I do.

I feel so unempowered in my own home. Sort of side lined. But he doesn't understand at all. Just says he shouldn't need my permission to do things (like decide when dss will be here, invite boys we've never met for sleepovers, allow dss internet access on a phone which was mine, after he'd been banned and done nothing for the ban to be lifted and no discussion regarding how I felt about it, also weirdly telling dss it was his ex's old phone, not ex-w, the ex after her and before me, all very odd.......).

Phew, you guys have had a rough weekend! Mine was fine, I started out determined not to get uptight about things, did lots of (my) family stuff etc, so came home feeling good But This evening, I heard about yet another massive spend on DSD which was IMO, totally OTT, unreasonable and unwarranted! The answer to my question 'why'....'oh, because she wanted it'!!
So now I'm wide awake feeling wound up, frustrated and quite frankly, bitter! I wish I could just think 'oh what the hell!' But it grates like hell!
Ah well, another sleepless night!

WhoGives, are you alright, trouble is when you argue after a few you don't always remember everything you've said!
Really hope it's sorted out in the morning!

Who hope everything is ok your end, dh in reply to my 'it's difficult being a step parent' said, 'yes I understand' No, no you don't you haven't got a clue!!

I'm thanks, we were ok, I just gave up trying to explain to him MPOV

Wdigin - it's hard isn't it? I was also arguing with DH until late last night about money, and then not able to sleep. I made what I thought was a low key comment about him sorting out finances with DSD when she's home over Christmas - (she's just started Uni) - which he'd already said he would do, but didn't half seem to touch a nerve .

What would seem to me to be a perfectly simple conversation about how much financial support she needs and what he intends to give her seems so emotionally laden for him. She's getting more money from the state than we'd expected, so needs less from DH than he's been paying. I really think that DSD is a lovely straight-forward girl who will understand this and isn't going to read money=love into everything her dad does for her despite her own mother's shit-stiring and encouragement of this view, but DH doesn't seem to trust that at all.

I hate arguing late at night, I never sleep for hours afterwards, but with teenage DC/DSC who're up til late it's the only time we can argue.

Wdigin2this how did you find out about the spend. I know your children are normal and not entitled, but I'd find it very hard to resist telling your dh you assume all the children will get the equivalent, otherwise he will be seen as favouring and helping just one?

My sd 16 has now cut dh off. She had sent me a nasty text (can't go into detail here) for which dh had the 'cheek' to ask her to apologise for. Dh also had the balls to tell her he wanted a relationship that wasn't based on cash. So now the worst had happened, she's cut him off and he's in bits. I told him she can't be that upset as she's still accepting the large allowance being deposited into her account...

WhoGIves - I know that fustration! My partner sees the slightest thing from me with big defensive guards so I cannot say anything about DSCs at all. Hope it's not too awful with you.

WDigin - I feel for you too, just the continual fustration of knowing that your DP is favouring his daughter because she asks for it more than anyone else, and having to find out about it too rather than DP tell you. It's a horrible constant reminder for you and must make you feel that you and DP are less of a team. It's very devisive!

Hormonal that is so horrible for your DH! For a 16 year old to have so little care and humaneness for his Dad, and to also use his power to emotionally blackmail him. Wow, how is he going to develop into an adult if that is what he does now? My DSC also kind of 'cut me off' because I asked her not to be rude - didn't lose my temper, wasn't a screaming match, just asked her not to and she now doesn't visit when I'm in the house. She's 19! My DP says it's understandable that she 'feels awkward'. People have to grow up sometime.

Outtogetyou I can totally understand why you are upset about all these things. Stand your ground.

In your home, your requests and requirements should hold just as much weight as your DH's.

Also feel your pain LazySusan and Hormonal.

Hormonal - is your DSD's allowance part of the maintenance or extra?

I don't usually post on this thread, but am feeling a bit frustrated as DP has just told me we have DSS from tonight (Tues) until end of the weekend. Normally we wouldnt have him until said weekend. Tomorrow (wed) is a bank holiday here, so either DP forgot he was supposed to be having him and just remembered, or it has just been arranged. Not sure which.

Now I feel like a bad person because I am somehow disappointed that DSS is coming and I hate feeling like that. For the bank holiday I had planned a lazy morning and then to get loads of stuff done during the day, which I can still do but I'll feel bad about it as DSS will want to play games and do stuff all together. So I have to either not do my things or else feel guilty about doing them. Plus I do meal planning and love cooking exotic things, the things I had planned to cook for next two days are now off the table as DSS won't like them and its not fair to serve them. Plus tomorrow DP and I were supposed to be going out for an anniversary dinner, which we now can't do.

This is one of those situations that I hate. I can't really blame DP as he has been incredibly stressed and busy at work recently and almost never leaves me out of the loop of things re DSS, this is a real one off, so I can't take it out on him. I can't be cross at DSS as its not his fault and he is always desperate to spend as much time with us as possible because DP's working hours and comnute make it difficult to have him more than three or four days out of fourteen. He deserves to see his dad more than that, he adores him.

So I am left feeling cross with myself for not being a more accepting person or loving DSS enough to see this as a wonderful bonus rather than a disappointment. I hate feeling like this!

river you always sounds very measured and caring and this last post is not really a departure from that. You are only human and can't help the way you feel.

It sounds like you generally have a very positive view of your DSS so perhaps don't think of your negative reaction as about him per se but just about the unexpected disruption more generally - ie if your DP suddenly announced him mum/sister/best friend was coming to stay for a few days you would (understandably) feel like this.

That's a bit rough river if you have to miss your night out.

Could you - just for one night - feed DSS whatever child-friendly food he likes best, then give him a DVD of his choice (or put him to bed?) and have a nice grown up meal with the exotic foods that you like?

Meridian my dsd's allowance is on top of the maintainance. He pays twice. Riverboat I understand exactly how you feel, it's not frustration with your dss, just the situation. Step parenting just isn't a natural thing.

Thanks for your posts all, it really helps.

I have found out that when DSS realised it was a bank holiday tomorrow (ie this morning) he specially rang DP to ask if he come to us. Of course DP couldn't say no based on just a meal plan and one easily re-arranged dinner out...

I think I am going to go ahead and cook what I have planned for tonight, not sure DSS will like it but he can eat whichever bits of it he does like and I can supplement with cold bits from the fridge. It won't hurt him to realise I make a special effort to feed him the things he likes ON his planned days, but we don't eat like that all of the time.

Can't really put him to bed early or sit him alone with a DVD, it would be very excluding and probably feel like a punishment. We can still go out for dinner tomorrow but will go somewhere more child friendly than the restaurant we had previously planned.

river I also totally get how you are feeling, I have felt just like you so many times!

For example, two weeks before I was due with my baby DP suddenly told me EX was away for a week - I had to pick up DSCs from school and have meals etc. EX had forgot to tell him but just said 'oh well their older sister can take care of them'. But neither of us were comfortable with that for a number of reasons, not for a whole week anyway.

I had no car and my own DC to pick up too. It wasn't my DSCs fault, but it just doesn't help us as SMs as I too just thought 'oh god', and had to rearrange everything last minute. River if it only happens once in a blue moon it is handable I would say.

This may sound bad, but me and DH are really loved up today, no stress, no niggles, just happy. This is why I know I need to really learn how to not let all the weekend crap get to me. It's only EOW and I'm sure I can detach so far back I'll be in Narnia. We work, we love each other, and that's why I do it. Just need to get over how he is at the weekends ( jackal and hide springs to mind lol)