Anyone else had enough?! Join me for a glass of virtual prosecco!

[happygirl87]

Sometimes I find being a step-mother all too much! Can't even be bothered to go into it - just pass the ! Anyone else?!

understanding... not understand, sorry!

Thank you all for your understanding and suggestions. I feel slightly better knowing I'm not the only one who has to deal with this stuff. Bananas I'm starting to think not having a land line was a very good idea now. And yes it feels very intrusive sometimes and oversteps boundaries. Was very tempting to reply at 5 am when DSD got up but i could never do it, better to just try get over it as usual. Whogives and outtoget I shall look into the phone app.

Seems to me the dp should turn his phone off, unplug the landline and give any genuine rellies your own number for emergencies only.

We don't have this problem - but dp had an ex when we were first together who was always texting and phoning at all bloody hours. He would then turn it to silent when I was there but answer it when I wasn't - which obviously gave her the message that he could talk to her when I wasn't there. I eventually had to put my foot down and make him stop being in contact with her at all. As I said at the time, putting up with having contact with one annoying ex was enough (the ex-w). I am in contact with a couple of exes but none of them text and phone me 400 times a week nor phone and ask me to drive 2 hours to their house to bring them a bottle of milk!

Dss has been away at scout camp this week so fairly quiet. Dp and I not really getting on that well but trying to just keep things ticking over at least until after Christmas.

Bananas, it is one of the most fraught SPing situations I have found myself in, and I too thought it would mellow out, but in many ways it's become an established pattern with DSD, even though she's now a mum herself! Thankfully, we've never had any of our DC live with us as a couple, because a) I would never have looked at a man with young DC, and b) I didn't really date seriously until my DC were growing up!
But I can imagine how, if all your DC are living with you at some point, sparks would fly...and you are so right, resentment can cause a very toxic and unpleasant atmosphere, which generally can only get worse! It's a shame that you couldn't jointly have set up very firm house rules, which were properly implemented, and consequences carried through when they were broken....but that's never likely with a DisneyDad, is it. Sigh!!!!
Wish I could assure you it gets better as they grow up and leave....but that's not necessarily the case either!

DP has asked his ex once again to not contact him between given times unless its an emergency. The only response we got was a demand about where the clothes were she sent over and text about late the night before. DSD was wearing them when she left our house in the morning for day care. DP had his phone on silent last night and will continue to do so and I'll be making sure his family have my number just in case.

OutToGetYou I guess I should count myself lucky this is the only ex DP has as they got together in high school. Hope you enjoy the break scout camp provides. And that things get better with your DP.

Wdigin your last sentence has me worried like alot of posts from people with grown up step children or those many years with their partner but still struggling with step and ex issues. I love my DP and DSD very much. Not quite a true DSD yet as DP and I don't get married till April next year. But when I think I may have a lifetime of his ex and the stress she brings it does worry me that it will eventually get too much. Thankfully its something DP and I can talk about which helps a lot.

Hi NZ if you are with Vodafone you can block texts (assuming she mostly texts) but calls can still get through in case its an emergency. I discovered this by necessity when my partners ex would text abusive texts in the middle of the night, the would get increasingly abusive until my partner would snap and reply. Soooooo frustrating. We also don't have a landline
(ps what part of NZ are you in for nosiness, don't tell if you don't want to)

WSM we are both with 2degrees but maybe they have the same thing. Will do a search. If not we will stick to the on silent option. Sorry to hear you went through the same sort of problem, as you say its sooo frustrating. I'm in Chch, what about you. (Same applies if don't want to tell and risk being identified, NZ being such a small place sometimes And all )

Im the other end of the country, north of Auckland, but yes it is reassuring to know you aren't the only one, stops me wondering if maybe it is my fault after all and realise its just the ex's insecurities (and in my opinion not over him)

think tonight might be something stronger than wine (its Friday) My partners ex is now threatening to post things about me on my work/business site. In some ways I think bring it on so I can call the cops for defamation etc (and im at the stage I wouldn't hesitate) but in other ways my business doesn't need that kind of BS so I hope she is all talk. Can but wait and see with drink in hand :-)

WSM that's just horrible of her. You do sound like you could use something stronger than wine tonight. I just can't understand what some people get out of being so nasty to others. Its that waiting for what will be thrown at you next that gets to me. Hope she is all talk and that the drink helps

Thanx NZ, nothing as yet I think she is full of S I am actually beginning to think she has a mental disorder (seriously) one text to my partner was saying how she wants to get on for the kids and she will let him see them more etc, and literally the next was abusive and nasty.
And yes a very nice Appletini fri night helped

Really f**ing annoyed. Would be interested in views on this...

About 6 months ago, DSS's DM and DH were due to go halves a on a very big expense (think thousands) for DSS. In an attempt to be practical, DH paid in full on the very clear understanding that his ex would immediately pay her half to DH.

After chasing, she said she couldn't afford it, despite DH checking and re-checking that she could for months before committing.

She then told DH she would not be able to pay it back at all. He suggested very small amounts over a long time and she said she couldn't. No apology, just dumped DH (and I) with the debt.

We had no choice but to write it off and suck it up. DH remained very calm but told her we'd had to make scarifices to find our half, let alone hers. He added that he didn't expect her to be going on foreign /expensive holidays any time soon (because she has form for this) and she said 'No way, of course not. I can't afford it.'

Fast forward to a casual mention from her of going away for half term - a foreign trip costing 'just a couple of very cheap flights as they are staying with friends'. DSS turns up at weekend telling us all about the holiday, several very expensive day trips and the hotel they stayed in.

We don't begrudge DSS a lovely holiday. I just feel his DM is shamelessly making a monkey out of us.

I'd be fuming. If he pays maintenance I'd look at reducing it until the debt is paid off.

I'd do that too - well I would, dp would simply go back to sleep and live with it!

I think he should write and remind her she owes him x as they agreed she would pay it and he has paid it on her behalf, and now she owes him the money. If she does not come up with a payment plan, stop maints until it is paid off.

dss DM is always saying how skint she is, dp has to buy all uniform, all kit for camping, DofE, scouts etc, pay for all extra curricular activities, we have dss 70% of the time and he has just increased her maintenance cos he had a small pay rise (he doesn't have to, because it was a consent order, at a set amount, because he bought out some of the maintenance at the divorce). She goes off on foreign holidays without dss, despite being skint. Apparently her dp pays.

She asked for a further maints increase recently saying she "might leave her dp" and therefore would need more money. Not sure what she did with all the equity she got from the house sale then?

He overpays maintenance and always has done. But ex constantly asks for more.

I would like DH to ask her about the hotel etc but I don't think he will. I think he imagines she will just say 'Oh, DS got it wrong' and then he's nowhere further forward.

Of course the extra money we paid could have covered the cost of nice holiday for DH and DSS so I feel DH has lost financially and in other ways.

claud fustrating! I can't believe how unequal maintenance often seems to be/paying. Someone always seems more generous, someone always more selfish!

claud Why doesn't he just reduce the maintenance down to whatever it has to be legally, and make it clear that he's doing this for however many months it takes to recoup what she owes him, then he can put it back up again?

again this thread rings true. My partner pays Child support (as per law) and as a result we are on a tight budget. Last night 6yr old says he isn't allowed to go to school holiday program because he wont pay for it (as he has been told by his mother). Understandably my partner is quite upset and text his ex asking why she said it etc (esp because she lives rent free in her mothers "mansion" and has more money than a bull can sh**) she said its because he constantly lets the kids down and never pays for anything and kids should know. Its soo frustrating knowing that she says nasty things like that when he does as much as he can for them and is struggling financially and emotionally because of her BS. Not to mention, what kind of person tells a 6yr old that kind of thing (its also stated in their custody agreement that badmouthing the other parent is a no no, not that it really needs to be said)

Are we still on wine or can we crack open the hard stuff. Vodka and lemonade for me pls!!! It's been a really tough sh!tty couple of weeks.

I never drink wine only vodka so it's always acceptable in my house

And if you wanna vent that's also more than allowed acceptable with the vodka! Feel I may be needing this thread in the next two months to deal with dsds birthday and Christmas!

Morning all, Buck's Fizz all round!
Neverenuff, you ok?
We have DSD this weekend, which I think will be lovely- but book ended by collection from frosty SIL and drop off with DH's ex's parents, both of which I am not looking forward to!

neverenuff are you ok?

dragon I'll gladly take a Buck's Fizz! It's that time again but I'm going in with a positive attitude. I'm taking a further step back from it all and will let DH do it all. I'm
Going to let all the things that drive me nuts (but don't bother DH) wash over me.....I hope....and not get wound up but the button pushing .

I'll probably be shit faced by 7pm

ON another note, thier mum and her BF have all moved in together. I see trouble ahead as his dd was already saying her dad loves dsd more than her. They are the same age. The kids have said she's quite annoying and thier mum rolls her eyes at her when she's not looking....she may join us soon haha