Anyone else had enough?! Join me for a glass of virtual prosecco!

[happygirl87]

Sometimes I find being a step-mother all too much! Can't even be bothered to go into it - just pass the ! Anyone else?!

I need a magnum not a glass after today

Had some grumpy dsd issues today but dp dealt with that. Now it's the usual Sunday of everyone leaving me I'm having to deal with! Since dp is currently working away mon-fri may need alcohol to cope with that for much longer!

So how is everyone? Did we survive another weekend?

Mine turned out OK in the end, had a lovely Sunday

Had a lovely long weekend here as Monday was a bank holiday. We took DSD camping overnight Sunday lots of fun all in the little tent together.

That sounds like fun NZ

It really does! I don't think I've ever been camping!

Not been in here for a while but have been reading. It's good to know I'm not alone in feeling so frustrated.

So sd still refusing to come here. My fault for the shouting incident over the 15 pairs of socks. Dp and I are teetering on the brink of breaking up over this. He says I've driven her away from him. I don't feel that's the case. Over three years things have just got progressively worse with sd lying, hiding her own belongings and blaming my dd, being deliberately rude to dd and me when he's not about, making a huge fuss over every meal I cook by pushing it round her plate before saying she doesn't like it so dp then jumps up to cook her something different, raving about every meal he's cooked, just being manipulative and difficult to the point that I've stopped trying.

I feel she's only interested in coming here if we are going somewhere fun, spending money on her or she knows she's going to gain in some way. She wants nothing to do with me or my kids and my oldest has given up bothering, youngest begs her to play minecraft with her but she refuses and when dd gets upset dp tells her off.

I did say to dp tonight that in three years I've never heard her being told off by him and I've never seen her have to face consequences for her behaviour. I then told him to find somewhere else to live and he can see her every weekend then without me there setting any sort of boundaries. He went all quiet and when we got home made me coffee and offered me the remote control. I was tempted to shove it up his arse.

This never gets resolved. We go round in circles. He thinks she can do no wrong. I think different.

Yes camping is a lot of fun and DSD and i love it. Especially if its only over night on a nice day at a well set up camp site with kitchen, toilets, playground, somewhere to swim etc. DP is not so keen haha.

Coffee that sounds like a horrible situation to be in. I hope it get better for you soon

coffee that sounds really hard. I don't know about the background to your situation - but I've also been accused by my DP in the past of 'being a barrier' to him and a couple of his kids. And I did move out at one point as I was tired of being blamed - which resulted in everyone waking up, realising they were being very unfair and the blame did stop, for a while... !

It's very tricky as I'm sure that this can happen, a SM being mean to a kid. But on the other hand some 'Disney Dads' like my DP let their kids do whatever they like, and saw any discipline as 'driving them away'. Would this be true of your situation?

Not been on this thread for a while - been crazy busy!

Just had the kids for the first half of half term. We have had the usual situation with DSS, his behaviour drives us mad for a couple of days then he settles and behaves better. And then he goes back to his mum's and we have to start all over again.

Issue of the moment is my DD. She doesn't seem particularly happy about going to her dad's but won't voice it. She looked like she was going to cry at lunchtime about before going to her dad's. She's had a great few days doing family stuff but also spending time with friend's. It will just be her, her dad and her brother for the next five days and they probably won't leave the house except to go shopping. She's 9.

Feeling more and more sorry for my dp. DSS makes it quite clear that he's happier at his mum's. He is a great step-dad to my kids but they are a bit rubbish at showing their appreciation for him - he drops them off at school and they barely say goodbye to him. It's his birthday this weekend and my kids won't be there as they will be at their dad's.

bananas you totally nailed it. He just does nothing to upset her and its just backfiring massively as obviously my two are still disciplined and it causes resentment. My two will be told off or pulled up on things, asked to do things like strip beds, put washing in laundry while sd does nothing and is expected to do nothing. Just sits silently in the room on her laptop. All day every day. Leaves everything lying about and dp runs about picking up her dirty plates and cups etc.

So because I get fed up, will speak up, ask her to just pull her weight I'm seen as picking on her. Dp says she shouldn't do anything here as she's a guest. I say bollocks to that.

Bet she wants to visit at Xmas though.

It's not easy is it colouring?

Does your DD have a mobile or laptop yet? You may find she gets happier about going to her dad's once she's old enough to be into online socialising and can carry it on from wherever she is. It's definitely helped my DD. Otherwise just check she's got some good books to read or DVDs or whatever to keep her happy if it's mainly that she's getting bored there.

And make sure you thank your DP yourself for being a great stepdad even if your kids take him for granted.

We're still having the same issues with DSD here - her mum has outright refused to go to her parents' evening, even though DH has specifically asked her to come along and she knows DSD is having problems at school at the moment. How can you be that unbothered about your DD?

DD has a basic mobile which I can contact her on.

I think I need to make DP feel more appreciated. He is fab!

Can't understand why any parent wouldn't want to go to a parents evening. Surely she could make her own appointment if she doesn't want to go there with you.

Me too, a childless stepparent who sometimes just wants to strangle the "little darlings" (an occasionally their Dad too) but much easier to come here and Vent and carry on

It's nothing to do with me colouring - I wouldn't go if she was going to go with DH - two adults is plenty. It's not that she's awkward around DH either. She just doesn't want to go because she can't be arsed to drive across town at rush hour - despite having chosen to buy a house which means her DC have to travel across town twice a day in the very slow bus at rush hour....

pink It is a way of just handing over responsibility in my experience - my DSCs mum never, ever goes to any parents evenings - despite being walking distance to the school and more time than DP. And one child in particular had a lot of trouble, had to be referred to special needs etc and my DP did everything, they didn't meet the mum once, or have her contact details even. And yet she considers motherhood as her main job and goes on to other people about how much time she spends on them. My DP just gets on with it and excuses it, so I just let it go too and support him.

colouring that sounds good, making your DP more appreciated! I know I drum it in to my DC whenever DP does things for him. DP also has noticed how his kids don't even acknowledge something I've done, and has tried to tell them but it was too little, too late I think as now they just take me completely for granted.

As has already been said on this forum, more than once! When you have a guilt ridden DisneyDad who will give/forgive anything to keep the DC happy, and a SM who thinks that all DC need a structured life where everyone obeys the same house rules, and where there are consequences for breaking those rules.....you have fireworks, resentment, inequality and generally a bad home environment for everyone!! So.....what do you do?!!!

I think it is, yes bananas. She sees having the kids under her roof as her "job" but passes on to DH the responsibility for everything she possibly can, especially if there are any problems with any of the DC, suddenly they're DH's problems to sort out - even things like late night gaming on phones at her house

It does make me sad though for DSD in particular who's crying out for someone to support her and her DM to care about her life :(

Very annoyed with DSDs mother at the moment she seems to have no understanding that we do not want to hear from her very late at night. As in after the time we would normally be asleep or stupidly early in the morning and definitely not at 2am. Im a terrible sleeper and it always wakes me and takes forever to get back to sleep. We especially don't want to know if its just that DSD has clothes in her bag to wear or do we have a pair of tights she can't find. Its at the point that DP will have to turn his phone off and just not know if there is something urgent or an actual emergency

NZ, if he has an iPhone you can set it to do not disturbed between certain times but allow people you may want to hear from to still get through. Also, if someone who's not on the list rings three times in a row the phone assumes it's an emergence. Failing that, just block her number each night

Even if not an iPhone, there is an app you can download that does that.

NZMonkey That is so intrusive - yes I understand that one! DPs Ex used to text/call whenever. DP would put it to silent because of it. But then she used to regularly call early on the house phone every Saturday morning, which is right next to our bed and very loud - the last thing anyone wants is their DP woken up regularly by their Ex.

She knows the phone is right next to the bed because she used to live here - (I'm not the OW by the way!) - SO annoying!!! Especially as there was never any good reason, and WE had all the DSCs every weekend. My DP did not want to confront her, so he plugged out the phone - meaning that any other phone calls from other people we'd miss... Crazy!!!

I think that your DPs Ex, like my DPs Ex, probably knows fine well that it is overstepping a boundary.

pink Yes I found this particularly hard. Seeing my DSCs need things from their DM that they were not getting. And not able to give these myself because the DSCs didn't want me, they wanted their Mum. It's probably one of the reasons they are pretty indifferent to me, despite saying that they think that I am nice. Their DM wont' let them feel it is OK to be parented/feel anything for me, yet doesn't want to do this herself.

Wdigin - Yes I know, it is sadly one of the most common problems that seems to come up. Disney Dad and SM who is more structured - add to that a manipulative/resentful/entitled DSC or Ex and that makes a pretty unhappy arrangement. But what to do?

I always thought there would be some room for compromise - some structure, and some understand that some 'Disney Dad' and entitlement will remain, but not enough to be the MAIN status quo of a household. However I think I am wrong. I thought I asked for so little in my household, and was met with such resistance, yet me and my DC compromised quite a bit. When I finally did get a bit of balance, there has been kickback from some kids and Ex too (although no idea what any of it has to do with her) - with lingering resentment which is quite a poisonous and wearing atmosphere to be in. So, no idea what the solution is!!!