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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

Bottom of the pile

55 replies

wheresthelight · 07/07/2015 19:01

Don't get me wrong I expect dp's older kids to come first in his priorities and actively encourage it, but why do I have to play second fiddle to absolutely everything and everyone in his life?

I do more caring for his older kids than either of their parents and get no thanks and yet when I ask for sow thing to alter I get told I hate them and am putting him in the middle.

All I have said is that I am not running them around to some trip on Saturday because we told her it wasn't possible before she booked it and it means that although they are here for the weekend they won't actually see their dad so I really don't see the point in them coming of that is the case. Is that so wrong? I am forever reading on here that mum should get priority of sad can't do the care so why do I feel like a bitch for saying no?!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

DoreenLethal · 09/07/2015 05:42

Well, just dont take them. She can book what she wants, it doesnt mean you have to run around after her.

CocaKoala · 09/07/2015 08:45

What would happen if you weren't in the picture at all - how would the children get to go on the trip then? Surely if mum and dad wanted them to go on the trip in that scenario then they would have to find some other alternative way of getting them there?

People are allowed to say no to things. Geez, I've even said no to giving my own DC lifts somewhere because I've just been unable to or they've asked at the very last minute and it's not been possible.

Original poster

wheresthelight · 09/07/2015 15:25

Doreen - I have no intention of it!

Cocoa - I would assume she would make parents or her sister take them. She doesn't do asking which is part of what really gets on my wick.

He is asleep til 4 so I will find out more then but unless she is taking them then they won't be going

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Original poster

wheresthelight · 09/07/2015 21:43

Well I am livid. We agreed that if she wanted them to go then she needed to run them about and then when he talks to her he agrees that I will pick them up, over dead flaming body is that happening!

Dd is poorly with an unspecified infection so I won't be taking her anywhere near the town centre!

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alwaystryingtobeafriend · 10/07/2015 01:13

Oh my god where. If you can - take your dd away that day. or if she's still poorly tell dp its not happening end of.

Me and dp just had a blow out and now (for the umpteenth time) I won't look after the kids on my own. I refuse. As anything I say or do gets used against me.

Good luck xx

MythicalKings · 10/07/2015 06:38

What's the matter with him? He really needs to grow a pair.

Original poster

wheresthelight · 10/07/2015 16:07

Oh others better, I checked his phone to make sure he had ring her and she has sent him a message saying he needs to sort me out because she is fed up of me throwing a strop! She is fucking unbelieveable. It's me that has to pick them up tonight but I am so tempted to refuse

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FluffyBumOnTheRun · 10/07/2015 16:12

No way in hell would I be picking them up with that shitty message! Not a chance!

FluffyBumOnTheRun · 10/07/2015 16:13

You need to make a stand whears, how fucking dare she! Livid for you

QuiteLikely5 · 10/07/2015 16:22

Wow you're very nice.

My best advice.

Done try to parent these children at all.

Be polite and civil to them. Don't even communicate with their mother about anything.

I certainly wouldn't be babysitting them.

On the odd occasion, maybe.

They aren't your kids, they aren't your responsibility.

Their mother is treating you like absolute crap.

Do not tolerate it and you won't end up feeling like you do.

Original poster

wheresthelight · 10/07/2015 16:52

Fluff the has been told! I have also pointed out that unless he stands up to her and defends me then he won't have a relationship for her to bother her backside about. I am steaming!!! If he had agreed to the trip in the first place I wouldn't have an issue but he told her no we had plans and the stupid cow ignored him and did it anyway (story of their marriage apparently) and is now throwing a strop because I have refused to play taxi!

I have told him that if she carries on then we are going back to the 3 weekends in 6 he is off because I am not dealing with her psycho shit any more.

Quite, I almost responded quite rudely til I read your full post! I have been way too nice for way too long and I think she now thinks she can say jump and I will ask how high and she really isn't liking that I am telling her no.

I actually could cry over her bloody message. She completely doesn't see that this is her doing. Otis exactly the same over Christmas - she agrees one thing and then changes her mind and denies conversations ever took place soon now insist that dp gets everything in writing.

She has do without access over the summer, I asked her in February when we could have the kids, told her the weeks I could get off work. She came back last week and is now on a huff because I now can't get any time off

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QuiteLikely5 · 10/07/2015 16:56

You hit the nail on the head OP she doesn't like it now you have said no.

Don't be a door mat.

Tell her your dh that whilst you don't mind helping you will not tolerate this for a minute longer.

You have been doing him, her & their kids a massive favour.

Put your foot down. Now. Today. If you want respect here you are going to have to get it the bloody hard way.

Oswin · 10/07/2015 17:02

Fucking hell that message is rude. Cheeky mare. Your dp needs to give his head a wobble. No way should he allow that.

QuiteLikely5 · 10/07/2015 17:04

You're husband is still stuck in a cycle of letting her rule the roost and as for her current do not wanting the kids there when his are gone well it's tough luck isn't it.

He should have thought about that long ago. She is their mother and she has kids.

I thinks step mothers get awful treatment. They are expected to take on the role of free carer, shit sucker, and deal with interfering exs.

FluffyBumOnTheRun · 10/07/2015 17:24

I would be going back to contact when your DP is around (so every third) now anyway. Not if she dose it again, she always HAS done it again.

Time to draw the line OP

Original poster

wheresthelight · 10/07/2015 17:31

I have disengaged. He has been told I will not tolerate it. The kids are not going tomorrow, I am carrying on with my original plans of taking them to a local attraction for the morning and she can bollox!!

He hasn't taken her to task over the message but I have left him with no doubt that he will be putting her firmly in her place

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HoneyLemon · 10/07/2015 17:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FantasticButtocks · 10/07/2015 17:44

You have, while kindly looking after these children when their own parents can't, set your boundaries and she and he are stomping all over them in hobnail boots

Original poster

wheresthelight · 10/07/2015 18:40

My dog as learnt not to argue with me, unfortunately she still thinks she holds all the cards! How wrong she is!

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Original poster

wheresthelight · 10/07/2015 18:40

Dp not dog

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HoneyLemon · 10/07/2015 18:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

alwaystryingtobeafriend · 10/07/2015 19:19

Where thus isn't life. Im struggling to deal but dp went thru.Exw today and I'm only hoping it's all going to change from now on.

I'll not hold my breath but I can live in hope.

I hope your dp stands up to ex. Xx

alwaystryingtobeafriend · 10/07/2015 19:20

Typo I mean this is my life

K888 · 10/07/2015 19:32

At least you are sticking to your guns.

In my experience it is when you put your foot down that an over demanding Ex kicks off - in a way it is a good sign - that you are getting through and that she is unreasonable. If Ex is happy that probably would have meant you were being a doormat. Glad that your DP is not doing the 'easy' thing and just either siding with her or accusing you of putting him in the middle.

Original poster

wheresthelight · 10/07/2015 20:05

Haha honey it did make me laugh when I realised!!

Always it's a crap situation, if I had known when we first got together what all of this would entail I think I would have run a mile!

K888 I am not holding my breath but I am hopeful he will stand up to her and defend me

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