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Step-parenting

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Original poster

If you'd had a crystal ball?

48 replies

Wdigin2this · 14/03/2015 15:13

As a SM, if you could have looked down the years, and seen your life as it is now, would you have still taken that road?

OP posts:
MuttonCadet · 14/03/2015 15:18

Yes, without a doubt, but then my DSS are lovely, and whilst their mum can be a pain she doesn't bother me (just my DH).

I find my relationship with my SSs extremely rewarding.

Original poster
Wdigin2this · 14/03/2015 15:30

Do you have DC of your own MuttonC!

OP posts:
butterfly2015 · 14/03/2015 15:33

Yes but I might have done things differently. My relationship with my sc is fragile, my own children get on with my oh and we are generally happy but when sd comes to stay the whole dynamics change and its hard work.

heidiwine · 14/03/2015 15:37

I would have run for the hills!

MuttonCadet · 14/03/2015 15:40

No, I don't have any children of my own, we tried, but it wasn't to be.

Snoozybird · 14/03/2015 15:41

I love my DH but should we separate I would never, ever so much as even glance in the direction of a man with DC.

Tutt · 14/03/2015 15:47

I don't think I would and that makes me really sad as I love my DH so much BUT things are hard, really hard.
I didn't realise that the ex would try her damn hardest to split us up and slag me off so much that my dss is practically brainwashed!
This is hard as I as well as my DH have custody of dss and she's still trying to call the shots!!!
Upside is now dss has stopped calling me slag, he still lies and steals but we are working on that... I wasn't the OW, they'd been apart 4-5 years and they were only together a few months!

Original poster
Wdigin2this · 14/03/2015 15:48

My DSC were late teens when DH and I got together, so no access issues. When his first DGC came along I was very happily and fully involved, and we always assumed she would be the only DGC. However, years down the line, unexpectedly we both had one each very close together, but I don't find it as easy to be as involved with his second DGC as I did the first or (especially) my own! Not sure why there is a difference but it goes very deep in me!

OP posts:
Themrmen · 14/03/2015 16:11

I have no regrets being with my dp as I adore him but the dsc are hard work as is his family. I wouldn't be with someone with dc again if we split. I do wish id met my dp when we were younger but then he wouldn't have grown yet into the man I love so may not have worked

Follyfoot · 14/03/2015 16:59

100% yes. I've got 2 lovely stepsons and my DD has 2 'brothers'. Its great having a much bigger family and I feel very lucky to have them - and their Dad of course - in my life. Dd feels the same.

Original poster
Wdigin2this · 14/03/2015 17:03

Follyfoot, you are fortunate indeed!

OP posts:
Patatas · 14/03/2015 17:08

Yes I don't regret it, although I wish I hadn't been quite so naïve. I thought putting effort in, would have only reaped rewards, I didn't realise there would still be tricky patches despite everything being generally good.

Its a hard path to take, no matter what you do, I should have been more prepared.

Follyfoot · 14/03/2015 17:12

Undoubtedly Smile Its also been a lot of effort on everyone's part. It's not been easy along the way.

needaholidaynow · 14/03/2015 17:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Wdigin2this · 14/03/2015 17:21

In fairness, my DSC (all grown) and I have a reasonable-ish relationship...on the surface anyway! But that is only because I keep quiet, for the most part, about what I see as their manipulation of him, financially and emotionally! I only do this because my attempts to discuss it with DH have simply resulted in him clamming up, us arguing, both getting upset and nothing gained or changed! As I've said on other threads, distance is the key!

OP posts:
CalicoBlue · 14/03/2015 18:58

Absolutely yes. I adore my DH, my kids are happy because I am happy and we have a good home life.

It is hard and DSS is very challenging and I do not like DH's ex being in our life. The balance is that I am with a man I love very much, we have a generally happy home together and as the kids are getting older we have more time together.

HerRoyalNotness · 15/03/2015 02:36

No I wouldn't. I don't like being tied to another family financially and emotionally. But I have my 2 DCs from it and I couldn't wish them away. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't remarry if something happened to DH. I'm too independant and value my freedom to do what I want and when. And it wouldn't bother me in the slightest if I didn't see his DD again. Our DC could keep up contact as they wish.

Storm15 · 15/03/2015 07:16

At the moment I'd say yes but I reserve the right to change my mind...there have been plenty of times when I'd have said no!

jovialjulia · 15/03/2015 08:25

No. I wouldn't want this life had I known.

TheMumsRush · 15/03/2015 10:22

Nope, no way.

TyrionsWench · 15/03/2015 10:28

On the whole our nuclear family is very happy. Me, DP, DSC and our DC.

But I do wish the ex had less influence over our household routine. She frequently changes the contact schedule, often for reasons to do with personal life drama, and I find it very invasive and disruptive.

On balance, yes I'd do it again though.

freshstart4us · 15/03/2015 10:29

No. I wouldn't necessarily tell friends to stay away from men with DCs but my DH has no idea how to manage the situation so, consequently, it's a sh*t fight. Knowing what I know now, I wouldn't have got involved.

shelley1977 · 15/03/2015 10:32

Things aren't easy but I would still make same choice to be with partner. would be better if we had met years ago but shit happens and even the worst times still don't compare to the majority amazing times.

Izzy24 · 15/03/2015 19:53

Would do things very differently. Or not at all.

alwaystryingtobeafriend · 15/03/2015 21:58

I'd pick the life I have every time. However if I had to split with my dp I dont think I could be with a man who had kids. X

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