struggling!

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My step son is 11 yo and I just don't like him! Ok that sounds bad.
He stays over night with us alternative weekends, then one weekend a month we have him 8-7 and the other weekend my hubby just takes him to football then home. the thing is, we live in a small 2 bed flat and he won't share a room with my daughter (6yo) so he goes to bed in our bed then gets transferred to sofa when we go to bed. Housing won't move us as he isn't with us enough.
Also his attitude stinks. I try not to get involved but whenever I do he won't listen. He shouts at me or just cries.
He ignores my daughter 75% of the time or is nasty to her.
I'm now 20w pregnant with my 2nd and I just can't take the stress anymore. I've spoken to hubby who generally agrees with me but is worried about getting limited access or being taken to csa (we currently have an arrangement privately with the mum and pay her weekly)
I just don't know what to do. Just needing to rant really

Flossy - I read it perfectly well thank you.

My response is to your reply "yes I would. I stopped sharing a room with my brother when I was 10".

Why would you question what other families do? You have no right to question or judge another family.

Just because your parents managed to move and that was their decision for their DCs it doesn't mean that every family has to make the same decision. We all do what we feel best for our families.

End of the day the OP is in a situation of their own making. She has been offered advice and solutions but won't put anyone else out and expects DSS to just suck it up.

I can question and judge if I want. The OP made her situation public.

In regards to all doing whats best for our families I do not see the OP or her DP doing what is best for DSS just what is best for them and their DD and the impending arrival.

Grow up need

New babies don't get stick at all so stop being childish.

Perhaps if the OP had not stated that she actively dislikes her 11 year old DSS and then added that she feels aggrieved that his presence means her DD has to share the time with DF and do things like football then there might be more sense that she is trying to do what is best for the whole family, which includes DSS. The impression given is that he is an inconvenience and is treated like one.

In fact on these boards it is the poor DSC's that get the stick. As soon as new baby arrives the SDC's are annoying, badly behaved, causing problems, in the way, spoilt and many others.

Blueberrymuffin. Your "advice" seems to consist of attacking every point that Flossy makes. She has every right to question and judge, just as YOU are doing yourself. We all have that right because that's what people who post on this forum are asking for, other peoples opinions. The advice you've offered so far was primarily based on the first page as you hadn't read the rest and now you seem to be obsessively addressing every point Flossy makes even though many other posters are saying similar and a lot more bluntly. Do you have some kind of personal issue with her?

Grow up? Ha, Yeah ok.

Pleased you have listened.

Nooooooooooo never heard of it.

Is "impending arrival" an insult then?

Flossy - yes you do get a lot of ppl on here coming asking advice about their badly behaved DSC...funny that isn't it? Considering its a step parenting advice forum?!
I'm guessing those step parents who don't have any problems are probably not on here because they're enjoying their family.

Based on personal experience, the not having a room of his own is probably not the core of the problem, more the resentment that he feels for not wanting to share with DD. It probably started when DD was a baby and prevented SS from a proper night sleep and it went from there.

My DC don't have their own room at their dad and due to the number of children vs number of rooms, a lot of the time, it comes down to some sort of camping arrangement. This means that they feel at home in the house their share with me where they get their own room, but it doesn't mean they don't enjoy going to their dads. But then they do feel welcome and part of the family when they are there, and that's all what it comes down to.

I have to agree with that actually. On any other thread I despise the "why are you having another baby then?" question and that's no different here. It's an utterly pointless and unhelpful question that can add nothing to any discussion. A baby is coming and that's it, it's not on to question the whys and wherefores.

I never said it was a negative nor have questioned the OP as to why are they having another baby.
Personally I wouldn't have planned one with the current living arrangements but then again I understand accidents happen.

I'm guessing those step parents who don't have any problems are probably not on here because they're enjoying their family.

I don't have problems with SDC and I am on here.

Blue you are still addressing me and me alone. I think Niki* maybe correct and that you have a major issue with me or you luffs me

Difficult situation OP.

As a mum of a 10 and 12 yr old boy, I'd say at this age they need a surprising amount of love and affection. People are not generally "soppy" about 11 year old boys, and they can eb challenging, but basically need a lot of love and hugs and reassurance.

Pretending to fall asleep when younger sib wants to play a game is not "kicking off" or even being horrid. that is normal sibling behaviour.

I wonder if your expectations of his behaviour are simply unrealistic? When we have little cousins over, the boys play with them for an hour or even 2, but definitely not all day.

Can you give him praise when he is being nice and helpful, and calmly correct when he is being unkind?

It is very important for boys this age to have a good relationship with their dad, so maybe they can go and do stuff the two of them ? Go out for the day? Mine do things like fishing, or big walks, or cinema/bowling (kids am cinema at Vue is cheap, if there is one near). That would give you a bit of space as well.

It must be hard all of you in such a small space!

Meh no worries need ..........or is that comment that there sarcasm stuff you keep going on about

Nope I'm gonna hold it against you FOREVER!!!!

Half of what I post is unnecessary or taken the wrong way. No harm done and to be honest I enjoyed the back and forth with you need

I think on this board certainly it's very easy to get entrenched in your views as there are such sensitive issues involved and the it feels imperative to defend your position.

Eg on every other board I would have addressed the "why did you have another baby then?" Straight away because I absolutely hate it. It can only ever detract from the subject matter at hand. Fine to say after you've offered advice and there's a possible resolution "hey and do think about whether or not it's a good idea to have more kids IN THE FUTURE". I even started an AIBU about it once. But I didn't here and I think it was because it found this thread quite upsetting and barely even noticed that aspect of it.

It is the same as the immediate were you the OW question. That gets up my nose too. Yes I know it can be a factor if the DSC are aware that the person was the OW but it is of no help when you are looking for advice on how to handle whatever situation is going on.