Another Holidays moral dilemma....

[goldenteapot]

My aunt has just given me 1,000 to 'have a holiday with the children'. By this she means my dcs - she hasn't met DSD (v. old and lives far away).

I've not taken the DCs on holiday EVER. I've always promised them centreparcs if I could ever afford it because we used to go there with their dad (he still takes them).

My dcs do get lots of holidays with their dad and DSD has had lots of foreign holidays with friends and wider family paid for by her mum's parents (twice a year?).

So, what do I do? My dcs are primary aged and DSD is 16. She doesn't want to go to Centerparcs.

Do I:

1. take my dc to centerparcs
2. go somewhere else all together (caravan type thing)
3. split the money and have one hol for DSD and one for my dcs?

I'd rather to 1 obviously!

What is the right thing to do?

just offer her to come to centreparcs with you. If she doesnt want to she doesnt have to, but you dont have to give her money out of weird guilt if she doesnt fancy it.

My ds (14) doesnt want to come on our summer holiday this year, he wants to stay with his dad. Thats fine by me. He does alright for holidays in general. I cant imagine offering him money in its place. I think hes ungrateful enough that he doesnt want to come

I'd agree with going on your own with your DCs, I think that's fine as part of a blended family.

The one thing I think I wouldn't do would be offer her cash as a bribe/reward/compensation for not coming on a family holiday. Holidays are about a lot mroe than having money spent on children. If she opts out, that's fine at her age, but not something I'd want to reward.

If you or DH give her money for some independent holiday thing (eg a festival with friends) I wouldn't tie this in in any way with her not having gone on holiday. My DSD went off family holidays for a couple of years aged 15/16 - she tried asking for the cash instead and was told no. Last year (aged 18) she came with us again, which DH in particular was really happy about :) I think if we'd offered the cash instead she'd have seen it as a sign we didn't really want her with us.

Yes I think giving cash sends the message that you feel you're doing something wrong.

You're not

The money was given to you to do something with your kids. I see nothing wrong with you going with just you and yours. Don't feel guilty about it.

My DH goes on holiday at least twice a year with his DS. I went off on a riding holiday with DD and left DS and DSS with DH for the week. We have had almost every combination of holidays over the years.

Go to Centreparks and have a lovely time.

I suggested the cash. It was only an idea. Blimey.

Option 2 :)

Oops meant 1

Number one. You have asked your DSD if she wants to come and she has said no. You can't let that fact dictate whether the rest of you go or not. And tbh I don't think it's even anything to do with the location. When I was 16 I couldn't have thought of anything worse than going away with my DF DSM and 8 year old dHB!

I'm a RP, not a stepmum, but I'd go to centreparcs with the little ones.

At that age, I never wanted to go away with my mum and siblings so I stayed at home and had a friend over for the weekend. Mum would leave me some money (enough for a takeaway one night) and a full fridge. I enjoyed sitting up chatting with my friend half the night and peaceful lie ins, while they enjoyed a weekend away with a stripped, sulky teenager.

Doh - without a stroppy, sulky teenager.

I never stripped, no matter how sulky I was