Sleeping arrangements - DS x 2, SS and DD

[MummyA1984]

Do people think it's ok for my DS 9 and DD 4 to share a room the nights he stays over? Is he too old to be expected to share with a 4 yo girl?

We haven't had much contact with SS due to his mum so dd doesn't really know him at all. They've only met 3 or 4 times, she seems to like him tho. I'm just feeling unsure if it's the right thing to do to put them in together? I don't see we have much of an alternative in fairness...

Thanks

OP -your DS is 2 and has a big pirate bed which you bought 3 yrs ago but have only just re decorated the rooms - puhlease get your facts straight!

I have not said you are evil and yes you have looked our for your DCs - but your DSS never got a look in.

To consider contact would not change, when your later posts, says it is a bit stop start is naive.

Your DDs attitude to her brother at the age of 4 - has come from you and your DP - sorry 4 yr olds do not think in terms of their brother stealing their Daddy away, unless someone has suggested, mentioned it, spoken inappropriately.

Whilst you might not like the advice on mumsnet, think about how you come across, it was all about your DCs not being inconvenienced and nothing about your whole family which included DSS.

Careful Ques You will be called judgemental and mean

Perfectly put in my opinion by Q.

I agree Ques.

needaholiday makes a very good point that council housing authorities don't consider that a child living across two homes actually needs a bedroom in both houses - complete minefield for separated parents.

I personally wouldn't have dd and dss sharing if it were me. I would either put dd into the pirate bed or buy a loft bed that could fit over the pirate bed like this. Failing that once the nursery is decorated I would have a fold out bed in the nursery and put baby in bed with me for the night. We have never had room for dsd to have her own room, she has always slept on a sofa bed or mattress in the living room and enjoyed it because she got to stay up later and watch a film when the younger children went to bed.

IKEA to the rescue!

Put both boys permanently in the largest of the kids rooms. So close in age they will probably end up sneaking into one anothers rooms as they grow. Give DD the next size down room to herself. As DSS will be there the least, he can have the smallest room, but permanently.

At nine, he will soon be entering puberty and not much after that will be a teen. Your origional suggestion really isnt going to work long term. He needs his own little bit of private space.

Although if I were the OP, I wouldn't want to be spending money on new beds til I knew if they were actually going to be used, given how sporadic contact has been?

So is it somehow wrong for the resident children to have decorated/themed bedrooms, should everything be magnolia just in case DSS visits?

For all we know, DSS could have a themed bedroom at his mums house?

He may well do but you cannot compare one home to the other as both are different.

At the end of the day this child exists and he is as much a family member as the OP's children. The fact that his visits are sporadic is no fault of his own. He has 2 homes and that is not by choice. Therefore each home should feel like his and he should be treated and a family member and not as a guest.

But surely its hard, when space is limited, to have a 'dedicated' area for someone who visits infrequently? You can still be made welcome even if your sleeping space is of a temporary nature?

Kids don't need a room each. Especially 2yo kids. They LIKE sharing! I agree, best use of space is to put 2 little boys into a bigger bedroom together, then your son gets to keep his special bed. Your dd gets a smaller room to herself, dsd gets a space to himself which can be used for guests if he's not there.

It important to show him that he's welcome to spend time in his dads house. In the future it will be much more up to him where he spends his time. Wouldn't it be nice to know that you've done what you can to make him feel at home.

Nobody is saying a dedicated area as such. He can clearly share a room. It is the point that he has a room to share and a corner to call his own without resentment that he is taking another childs space.

If you are a "guest" a sleeping space is adequate however he is not a guest he is DP's son. No different from DP's DD or 2 other DS's.

Petal, a 4 bed house with 3 kids is generous for most ... The council would only consider them to need a 3 bed.

Perps I have a girl crush

Sorry but if someone spends 95% (for example) of their time in one place, and the remaining 5% somewhere different, then SURELY they're a guest/visitor in the 5% place, by virtue of the fact they're hardly ever there? This doesn't make them unwelcome - far from it in many cases - it's simply just not where they usually live!

This isn't SOMEONE petal this is the mans SON!!!

Regardless of where he lives or how much time he spends there. Christ how hard is it to see the difference

No one is disputing it's the man's son, and of course he should be made welcome, but if he's only there sporadically the practicalities/space requirements are different to those of someone who is permanently resident.

But he's still welcome . WELCOME. W.E.L.C.O.M.E