Sleeping arrangements - DS x 2, SS and DD

[MummyA1984]

Do people think it's ok for my DS 9 and DD 4 to share a room the nights he stays over? Is he too old to be expected to share with a 4 yo girl?

We haven't had much contact with SS due to his mum so dd doesn't really know him at all. They've only met 3 or 4 times, she seems to like him tho. I'm just feeling unsure if it's the right thing to do to put them in together? I don't see we have much of an alternative in fairness...

Thanks

I agree Nicky, we have tried to make it normal. In the long term if contact last more than a few weeks this time I think pirate ship out and bunk beds in is the answer. Maybe not get rid of DS pride and joy bed tho before we know it'll last more than a few weeks or is that not reasonable?? I'm not an evil step mum, I want my DSS here and to be part of our family.

I'm so offended that Quesera21 you suggest I'm a bad parent to any of my children. That is so hurtful and evil. I'm a great mum so please don't judge me that I got my son a big bed without considering my SS would want to come again 3 years later. In hindsight yes bunk beds would have been much better but I'm not a mind reader. I've done everything in my power to include my SS and still do as he we'll knows too

Crikey I am judgemental for not knowing all the details that were not provided

OP stop viewing DSS as a guest.. He isn't he is your DP's son. He deserves a space in your home and should that inconvenience your other children then so be it. As I said he is not a second class citizen. How you create that space is entirely up to you and as I said before I do not think him sharing a room with DD in the short term is unreasonable as long as both are happy.

He will be in your life for a very long time. Get used to it.

A better solution would be to have your daughter take her brother's pirate bed on those odd occasions the 2 year old and 9 year old boys can share the girl's room.

I wouldn't be comfortable having a 9 year old boy share with a younger girl when they don't know each other that well.

Thanks thejinglemumsrush

Ooh good idea pinkje I never thought of that.

Flossy you are entirely missing the point. My question is is it ok for them to share, I never said he wouldn't have any space. But come what may two of the four kids have to share and given he's not their 24/7 one of those people will be him. He is entitled to his space.

If you can't be nice or helpful stop commenting on my post!

Also in fairness whatever bed my DS had we wouldn't fit another bed in there, it would have to be bunks.

Mine are 2, 8 & 14, if they didn't want to share then they'd have no where to sleep. Until we win the lotto that's the best we can do

I answered that in my first post Mummy I was nice but I also read between the lines. Try re-reading your own posts and see for yourself how it comes across. At no point did you talk about the inconvenience to DSS it was all about your DC and your reluctance to swap things as DSS doesn't stay often. Like I said that is not the child's fault.

It's a tricky situation OP... but as a former visiting DSD myself I have to say the thought of your DSS having to share with a girl because your other DS has been given a big special bed which takes up all the space in his bedroom makes my chest tighten a bit. Too late now but wouldn't a normal bed with one of those pull out beds underneath in the 2yo room have been a better choice?

I guess a sofa bed in the sitting room wouldn't work as he would be going to bed much earlier than you?

Oh and YOU don't get to decide who posts where. Please feel free to report me to MNHQ as it is them who will delete my posts or ban me.

I would put DSS in the smallest room/nursery - maybe have a futon or something in there so it could double as a spare room if you have guests?

DD in the next smallest room.

Two little DSs share the biggest room.

Or alternatively baby in the smallest room, DD in the next room and DS and DSS in the biggest. It sounds like the pirate ship bed is a bit impractical - I would either get rid or give it to DD and maybe have bunk beds in the boys' room.

Yeah I did ask him if he minded them sharing and he didn't seem to. She has a tv/DVD so could make it a fun thing and have a film. Thanks everyone who was helpful and actually answered my question. I will speak with dh again tonight and see what he thinks given the ideas you've helped me with.

Can I just say that certain people need to stop being so horribly judgemental, maybe you sit on here expecting to find evil step mums who hate their step children but that is certainly not me, I care deeply for my SS and want him to be part of the family and feel this is also his home. Don't try to look for little things or the way something is worded to attack people. People come on here for advice not arguments. I don't think id ask on here again.

READ MY FIRST POST.

I answered your question. I have not attacked you in the slightest nor do I sit her waiting for evil SM. I am a SM to 2 boys and have been for over 12 years. There was no looking for it OP your post screamed it loud and clear.

Sorry of I didn't dress up all my replies in a fluffy outfit but if you want those kind of responses go to netmums. I say it as I see it. Deal with it or don't ask on a public forum.

I agree with Flossy and OP I think YOU upped the ante when you started moaning at her for offering advice that you didn't like and calling her judgmental. You also showed no consideration for your DSS is your initial posts, focussing only on how YOUR dc would he inconvenienced. You changed that later once it was pointed out to you.

"I'm very reluctant to shift the kids out of their rooms to let him have them, I think that would be incredibly unfair to them"

"Dd already feels a bit stressed about him taking over her Dad"

His Dad too!!!! Who he rarely gets to see.

And I said no it is fine.

OP then went on to say: I'm saying I'm not willing to make my kids give up theirs for him, they can share of course but I'm no way going to kick my dd out her room each time he wants to stay - that's what I'm saying is unfair.

Where in that is their consideration for DSS?

the not their