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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

scared to sit down...

69 replies

alwaystryingtobeafriend · 26/11/2014 21:02

...in my own home!! Well slight exaggeration but we have a massive couch. I always alwats sit at an end . Dsc have commandered the seats tonight. Dp on other seat.

Im actually scared to ask kids to move because the last time i did i got accused from their mum as treating them like dogs.
I nean i am the adult after all. O should get to sit wgere i please. I hate sitting in the middle. I fedl like a guest when i have to do that.

I know how petty this sounds but thats how ridiculous my life has become. Scared to sgift the kids incase it starts an arguement. WT actual F!!!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

FlossyMoo · 26/11/2014 21:08

Just say move up kids please this is where I sit.

Argument from ex or not you are entitled to sit in your seat. I have a place on my couch where I always sit and if any of my DC or SDC sit there I ask them to move (not that they would as the KNOW it's my seat )

purpleroses · 26/11/2014 21:15

I found that REALLY hard at first - but think you do just have to pluck up courage and do as suggested - "shove up kids, I'm sitting there".

Else boot DP off the seat on the grounds that he really wants to snuggle up with his kids doesn't he?

Sometimes we boot the youngest off all the furniture (we don't have enough seats for all of us) by allowing him a special "treat" of being allowed to bring a duvet downstairs to make a comfy nest on the floor

Original poster

alwaystryingtobeafriend · 26/11/2014 21:46

I just hate the looks i get from dp when i ask them to move. He knows how i feel about this. Were havin an issue with kids and their mum and tale telling. I feel like dp should be doing more to not put me in positions like this.

After recent events i decided to only speak to kids if they speak to me or to let them know tea is ready.

I've honestly had enough these days. Xx

OP posts:

FlossyMoo · 26/11/2014 21:51

Your DP need to support you more. He should ask the DC to move up and let you sit down. Sadly blended families rarely work when one adult is not supportive of another. To be fair after reading this board for a while it is usually the DH/DP (father) who is the non supportive one instead of setting and enforcing house rules/boundaries they choose not to rock the boat.

Original poster

alwaystryingtobeafriend · 26/11/2014 21:55

Im just in a huff tonight which doesnt help.

OP posts:

Gileswithachainsaw · 26/11/2014 21:56

ad an adult you should also be able to deal with sitting on the couch anywhere

if they got there first it's hardly their fault.

just ask them to move bit what's the.point of a massive sofa if you won't sit on half of it

Seriouslyffs · 26/11/2014 21:58

always
After recent events i decided to only speak to kids if they speak to me or to let them know tea is ready.

That's a terrible idea. You're the adult! However out of your control you may feel, the dcs feel it more.

SisterMoonshine · 26/11/2014 22:10

Ask your DP to squidge up a bit.

Original poster

alwaystryingtobeafriend · 26/11/2014 22:25

Anything i say or do get twisted and reported back to mum. Then she starts arguing with dp because i have allegedly said this or that. I cant deal with stupid arguements over petty situations and if dp isnt going to do anything then what choice do i have? Im sick of walking on eggshells in my home.

To be honest its more than just the sofa. its just its pussed me off tonight.

There really are a million other things im dealing with just now.

Came here to vent and as per, no matter what yoy say here someone always had to make you feel shitter than you already do.

Thsnks folks.

OP posts:

Seriouslyffs · 26/11/2014 22:28

Sure thing always, good luck finding cronies to bitch about your step kids to.
Or you could be the grown up and say 'shove up kids' or get DP to swap.

NeedABumChangeNotANameChange · 26/11/2014 22:33

I think you sound ridiculous. Sit in the middle. Unless they stole your seat when you nipped to the loo it's their seat if they got their first.

ClawHandsIfYouBelieveInFreaks · 26/11/2014 22:33

I dunno. I don't ask my kids to move because I want the seat their in. Why should they if they got there first?

Marcipex · 26/11/2014 22:33

I thought this was a taat, the dog on the sofa thread.

Castlemilk · 26/11/2014 22:33

Your DP is treating you with disrespect, so it's no surprise his children are following his lead.

My suggestion would be to tell him that it's much better for his children not to be taught such things... so for the meantime, until he can demonstrate respectful behaviour and family unity, you won't put them in the awkward position of having to interact at all. For a start, the calling them for tea can go - because he can cook for them himself. I mean, it's not as if you're part of the family, is it? Here's the apron DH, I'm off to the cinema. Where I get a whole seat to myself :)

MaryWestmacott · 26/11/2014 22:34

Tell DP to move up.

ClawHandsIfYouBelieveInFreaks · 26/11/2014 22:36

Maybe the DP wants to sit near his kids? My DH and the DC commandeer the sofa sometimes after he's been at work all week...they like to be near one another.

Marcipex · 26/11/2014 22:38

Sorry, now I get it.

Right. Say 'Budge up.' while simultaneously sitting in the space not yet quite created.
Don't notice whoever you squashed.
Repeat as necessary.

That's family life innit

wheresthelight · 26/11/2014 22:39

Oh god I remember that feeling so well!!! it does ease with time I promise!

I have gone from "oh dss/dsd you are in my seat would you mind moving up please" to "come on shift ya butt"

ignore the ex she is being a tit! you're allowed to sit on your own sofa

Marcipex · 26/11/2014 22:40

Castlemilks advice is also good.

cedricsneer · 26/11/2014 22:41

I can't get past the ownership of a spot on the sofa. If I felt those vibes coming from you I think I'd be reporting back to my dm about how hostile the environment is. Especially if you don't even deign to talk to the poor kids .

I get that you are huffing off now because people are confronting you about your behaviour, but maybe some of this will penetrate.

ClawHandsIfYouBelieveInFreaks · 26/11/2014 22:43

Me to Cedric I don't hold with the whole "Kids have no rights" shit.

Of course they have to do as they're told to a degree and abide by rules and muck in...but get ousted from their seat because they're kids? Not at home!

Marcipex · 26/11/2014 22:43

Cedricsneer, what has the OP done wrong?

ClawHandsIfYouBelieveInFreaks · 26/11/2014 22:48

Well....she's not even speaking to them. They're children and she's giving them the silent treatment.

Marcipex · 26/11/2014 22:56

It sounds like the OP is getting a hard time.
You've got a lot to sort out OP, starting with your DPs attitude, as I expect the children are taking their cue from him.

If you can, I think it's better to be breezy and casual, rather than give them the silent treatment, but not easy If they are hostile, I know.
Don't cook meals and wait on them if they're not even civil. Your DP can do it.
Do something you enjoy instead.

StercusAccidit · 27/11/2014 01:55

I just say 'excuse me' while backing up my huge arse, if they don't shift - they get sat on. My spot is my spot, i don't give a fuck how selfish/mean/wicked stepmother i sound.. fuck feeling like a visitor in my own home.. :)

That or what castlemilk said

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