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Original poster

Its all over, I am no longer a stepmum.

115 replies

Squirrel3 · 05/10/2006 07:36

The title says it really, dp and I are over, there is no way to fix it, we both know it.

The surprising thing is I always thought that if we split up it would be over my relationship with dsd but it isn't, apparently she is really upset infloods of tears because "We have been getting on really well lately".

I am going to miss them much more than I thought I would.

Can I still talk to you lot? But then again I don't know if it will be too painful for a while.

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NotActuallyAMum · 05/10/2006 13:01

Squirrel you've no reason to feel bad, of course you had to do what you did.

NotActuallyAMum · 05/10/2006 13:04

Posted too quickly there...

When you say you're worried about what their mum will say, do you mean as regards to them seeing their dad in the future? Sorry if I've misunderstood what you said but if I've got it right that really isn't your problem. It's up to him to try to put things right with his children, and his ex

Original poster
Squirrel3 · 05/10/2006 13:09

Yes Namm I am worried that she may say that he can't see them, I know its not my problem but I do still care about them.

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Original poster
Squirrel3 · 05/10/2006 13:12

I really must do some packing, he says he will be round to collect his stuff tommorrow and If its not packed it will take longer for him to go.

I'm sorry if I am not making much sence (how do you spell that?) I haven't slept and the whole thing is sooooo confusing.

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NotActuallyAMum · 05/10/2006 13:18

Don't apologise, you're bound to feel confused and mixed up. Yes of course you're still worried about them, I can understand that. But I really think you should try to look after yourself and your children/grandchildren first and foremost - for now at least

If you really don't feel like packing their things would your ds help you later?

(sense btw, not that it matters, we all knew what you meant )

Original poster
Squirrel3 · 05/10/2006 13:30

There is so much stuff, it is going to take a couple of days at least.

Just looked at his drill, then out of the window at his boat [evil grin] and what is this?.... a hacksaw and his fishing rods?

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Original poster
Squirrel3 · 05/10/2006 13:33

Just the kids room is 8 dustbin sacks full and its not finished yet.

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Original poster
Squirrel3 · 05/10/2006 13:38

Just thought its his mum's birthday today what an excellent present for her, just what she always wanted.

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NotActuallyAMum · 05/10/2006 13:39

Had to smile at the hacksaw, sorry. But please don't, I think you'd regret it at a later date. Then again if it makes you feel better....

Please try to get everything packed for when he comes round tomorrow if you can, otherwise he'll have to come round again which won't do either of you any good. I'm sure your ds will help you later

NotActuallyAMum · 05/10/2006 13:42

Squirrel, please try to look after you and yours. He and his family can take care of themselves, you've enough to worry about

Original poster
Squirrel3 · 05/10/2006 13:43

Of course I won't but just thinking about doing it made me feel better. lol

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Original poster
Squirrel3 · 05/10/2006 13:50

Posts crosed Naam, I can see his mum looking like the cat that got the cream.

Though if dp (I really should be putting EXp) told her what he did she would be dissapointed with him to say the least.

I am going to try and have something to eat, don't worry about me, in the imortal words of Gloria Gaynor I will survive!

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NotActuallyAMum · 05/10/2006 13:57

Well I hope he does tell her. She's bound to ask, I just hope he tells the truth and doesn't make something up so he doesn't look so bad

Glad you're having something to eat, or at least trying. I can't imagine how you must feel. Feel so sad for you

Original poster
Squirrel3 · 05/10/2006 14:58

packing his stuff hurts so much, I can't do it anymore.

I'm crying like a baby, the thing is I know what he did is 'not him' but he did do it and I can't forgive him for doing that to my son.

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NotActuallyAMum · 05/10/2006 15:09

Of course you can't forgive him, no-one - not even him I suspect - expects you to

And Squirrel I know it must hurt so, so badly but it was him. As to whether there's an underlying cause that's up to him to find out but he can have no excuses for what he did

Would you be prepared for him to go to your house when no-one's in to collect his and his children's things? That way you won't have to pack them, he can do it himself

Original poster
Squirrel3 · 05/10/2006 15:20

I want to be here Naam, its going to take a couple of days to move all of his stuff out though. He has a lot of furniture that he brought with him that he can take back, dressing tables, bedside tables etc that he built himself. He has got to empty the shed, collect his boat, the loft is full of fishing equipment that I can't get down.

I don't like the thought of him and whoever rumaging through my home without me being here.

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Original poster
Squirrel3 · 05/10/2006 15:22

I am going to run a bath and have a long soak, then maybe try to sleep for a while. Talk to you tommorrow if I get chance. Thanks for listening.

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NotActuallyAMum · 05/10/2006 15:29

You don't have to say thank you. Just wish I could do more to help you

Do try to come on tomorrow if you can, going to be worried about you

Take care

{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}

Original poster
Squirrel3 · 05/10/2006 18:37

I don't understand this, ds has come home from work and has said that he doesn't want dp and I to split up!!!!

He says that he looks upon dp as a Dad and he doesn't want to lose him and that he can't understand what happened last night either, he too feels that it is so out of character for dp to do something like this....

I am even more confused now....

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heavenis · 05/10/2006 21:20

I'm not suprised you feel confused.
Do you have any idea of what you'll do. Does what ds said make any difference ?

beetroot · 05/10/2006 21:21

maybe you all need totalk ths thorugh

MistressMiggins · 05/10/2006 23:42

i was sad to see this was you as I lurk & read Step parents & occassionally ask for advice.....maybe you need to all talk as beety says....maybe it did all get out of hand....your DS is an adult & can make his own chjoices, if he is saying hes hurt but dont end it, maybe you need to talk it through
hope it works out whateve you choose

Original poster
Squirrel3 · 06/10/2006 03:55

Thank you MistressMiggins, I too have lurked on your threads and I think that the way you have handled your situation is amazing, you are a remarkable woman.

I don't know if it makes a difference, one minute I want to call dp and tell him I want to sort this out (as long as he sees the dr) the next I look at my sons face and I don't see how I can have him back.

As you can see from the time another sleepless night. I don't know what I'm going to do...

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jollymum · 06/10/2006 06:47

Just a thought, have your s/kids been with you long? Perhaps they could stay with you for a while until dp sorts himself out? Surely it would be putting them in a bad position for him to have them unless he's now totally under control. I feel so sorry for your ds, I have a son from a first marriage and have constantly been in the middle of 2 husbands. Hope you managed to get some rest.

Original poster
Squirrel3 · 06/10/2006 08:09

jollymum, my step children live with their Mum.

I'm sure they will tell their Mum what happend and its her desicion if she lets him have them this weekend or not, if he does have them he will stay at his parents with them btw.

I did get a couple of hours sleep thanks, feel a little bit better today. Ds's face isn't so swollen or painful today, just bruised.

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