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Original poster

Its all over, I am no longer a stepmum.

115 replies

Squirrel3 · 05/10/2006 07:36

The title says it really, dp and I are over, there is no way to fix it, we both know it.

The surprising thing is I always thought that if we split up it would be over my relationship with dsd but it isn't, apparently she is really upset infloods of tears because "We have been getting on really well lately".

I am going to miss them much more than I thought I would.

Can I still talk to you lot? But then again I don't know if it will be too painful for a while.

OP posts:
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comebacksummer · 05/10/2006 07:49

oh you poor thing.. will you try to keep int touch with dsd or will that be too hard?

biglips · 05/10/2006 07:58

im so sorry to hear that you and your Dp werent working out... Do u have any childrens with him anyway? if not, why dont u keep in touch with the stepkids?

heavenis · 05/10/2006 08:00

Sorry to hear this. You had better still come and talk to us. Even if you feel you need a break come back.

Original poster
Squirrel3 · 05/10/2006 08:01

I am in deep shock over what happened last night, I can hardly believe it.

DSS needed to use the computer for homework, he plugged in his pen-drive then started to muck about putting it in and taking it out without loading it up or installing it, the next thing I know the computer turned itself off. When I turned it back on windows wouldn't load up, instead there was a msg saying that there was a problem with the last piece of hardware that was attempted to be put on.

Ds came over to the computer to try to sort it out, the computer kept on turning itself off, so I told ds to leave it off. He said he might try once more to see if he could get in and do a system restore to the point before dss put the pen drive in, (which was worth a try imo).

Dp started getting really nasty saying "Just turn it off, you always think you know more than everybody else when if fact you know nothing".

Ds was a bit taken back by this outburst and replied "well I know more about computers than you" then he added "Twat" under his breath.

Dp launched himself off the sofa and before I knew what was going on dp grabbed ds by the throat and started to throttle him!

I screamed at him to stop, he wouldn't so I started to punch him as hard as I could, it wasn't until I punched him as hard as I could in his face that he let go!

Dp turned around and pushed me, ds (thinking that dp was going to do the same to me) got up and started to hit him shouting "Don't you hurt my mum". Dp turned around and knocked ds out!!!!!

I told dp get his kids and get out!

I am in total shock, I have never seen a violent side to dp in the nearly 6 years we have been together.

There is no way we can fix it, I could never think of him the same way again. Ds has had to go off to work today with a black eye, bruises around his neck and prob a broken nose. I can never, never forgive that!

My father and step fathers used to hit me, there is no way am I going to let that happen to DS.

I would never in a million years believe that dp could have done this.

(btw, the computer is stuffed, I am using ds's lap-top).

OP posts:
Original poster
Squirrel3 · 05/10/2006 08:04

biglips, no thankfuly we don't have children together.

It would be difficult to keep intouch with my stepchildren they live so far away from me. Also their bm and I don't get on so it would be a perfect excuse for her to stop me seeing them.

OP posts:
biglips · 05/10/2006 08:07

how old are the stepkids?

Original poster
Squirrel3 · 05/10/2006 08:10

There are 4 step children, the oldest is 23 but she lives even further way than the others. Dss1 is 21, the younger ones are 11 and 15.

OP posts:
biglips · 05/10/2006 08:12

oh dear... Do u know why he turned like that last nite? Were u 2 both happy before this all happens?

ive known my SD for 6 yrs too and i couldnt imagine not seeing her ever again!...

Flamebat · 05/10/2006 08:12

I only know you from random threads, but I didn't want to read and run.

How old are your stepchildren? I'm thinking that if they are teenage then they would probably still be able to meet up with you and continue the relationship (openly, not in secret)

Caribbeanqueen · 05/10/2006 08:14

My God Squirrel, that's terrible. I understand that you could never see him again in the same way.

That's a disgusting way to react. I feel sorry for you and all the kids.

Flamebat · 05/10/2006 08:15

Crossed posts. At those ages I would say it is their choice if they want to keep up contact or not... but it depends on if your DP would allow it I suppose...

Original poster
Squirrel3 · 05/10/2006 08:17

All of this happened infront of the 2 youngest!!!

I maybe could understand dp's reaction if my ds was a scum-bag, taking drugs, getting p-ed every night, refusing to work and being disrespectful all of the time, but this was a one off. Ds has never given us any trouble at all, he doesn't smoke, never gets drunk, works as a Lab technician. He is a nice lad, I just don't understand.

Ds shouldn't have called dp a Twat, but if I reacted like that every time his kids disrespected me, well I would be (quite rightly)up on a charge of child abuse!

OP posts:
heavenis · 05/10/2006 08:17

That is very your poor ds.

Original poster
Squirrel3 · 05/10/2006 08:20

I don't think my step-children will go against their mother (and nor should they) and I cant see her allowing us to keep intouch.

OP posts:
Sobernow · 05/10/2006 08:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flamebat · 05/10/2006 08:24

Oh thats crappy

Children go through enough sh*t with breakups/new partners etc without making it harder for them

Original poster
Squirrel3 · 05/10/2006 08:25

Sobernow, it is out of character, I can't get my head around the fact that dp did it. Dp is usually a very calm person, I had never seen him lose his temper until last night.

OP posts:
Original poster
Squirrel3 · 05/10/2006 08:27

Flamebat I agree, I think that dsd is stil finding the split between her parents hard without the added complication of dp and I splitting up too.

OP posts:
edam · 05/10/2006 08:29

That's terrible.

Could you write to the adult ones saying you would like to stay in touch with all of them?

edam · 05/10/2006 08:31

There hasn't been any other odd behaviour from dp, has there? Only some medical conditions can make people behave out of character.

Original poster
Squirrel3 · 05/10/2006 08:34

edam, I am going to phone the eldest dsd later (when I am not in shock so much) and a
tell her that we can still keep intouch if she wants.

I'm worried about dss, I think he is going to blame himself, I know ds kept on saying "sorry" last night. I told him it wasn't his fault, that dp is the 'grown up' and he shoudn't have reacted like that and there is no way I blame him (ds).

OP posts:
Original poster
Squirrel3 · 05/10/2006 08:38

He had a scan to see if he had cancer a little while ago but it came back clear.

He quit his job last week, today is his last day, he is not sure if he has any work at all for the next few weeks at least, it wil be the first time he has been out of work for 20 years but that is no excuse to attack my son so violently.

OP posts:
Original poster
Squirrel3 · 05/10/2006 08:39

and he does seem to suffering from a lot of memory loss lately...

OP posts:
Original poster
Squirrel3 · 05/10/2006 08:43

Sorry about the bad typing, my hand is swollen from having to hit dp so hard to make him stop strangling my son. I feel awful for having to do it but I couldn't see any other way of stopping him.

OP posts:
NotActuallyAMum · 05/10/2006 09:09

SQUIRREL!!

Only just seen this, I'm so so very sorry. Don't really know what to say but I think you're - quite rightly - in shock today and probably not thinking straight. I do think you've done the right thing though, I think you're right, things couldn't be the same again. Bet your son's feeling pretty crappy too, poor lad. Give him a kiss from me, and tell him no he's not too old for a kiss...

Squirrel, if you need to escape from everything for a while you're more than welcome to come and stay with us. Honestly I mean it, you really would be more than welcome. I know you don't drive but you could get a train and I could pick you up from my local station. I really do mean it, the offer's there if you need it

Thinking of you lots and sending you big {{{{{{hugs}}}}}}

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