please please help really scared

[scarlettandrhett]

DH and I have our own DS and DH has a DD my DSD.

Getting contact was horrendous as ex stopped all contact when she found out about me. I was not the OW. I met DH long after they split up, they were not married.
During the court hearing and out of the blue, she phones me and wants a agreement over contact that we can put before the judge. The suggestion she gave was what DH had wanted. The judge stamped the order.
My gut was telling me that as long as DH played by her rules, all would be ok but if he stepped out of line, all hell would break loose.

Contact was great for the next 3 years. We got DSD more than the court order stated. I became ex "new best friend" and DH and I played her game.

Last month, DH made a geniune mistake over drop off and she went nuts, calling DH every name under the son. DH had had enough and told her so. Yes, contact was stopped, all attempts at communication were stopped.

About 3 hours ago, she came to our door and said she wanted to sort it out. Like a fool, I let her in.
I cannot believe what happened next and even as I write this I feel that I will wake up from a dream.

She proceded to tell us if we take her back to court, she will say DH was abusing DSD. She said that even though it is not true the fallout will affect our own DS. She said she will go to SS with these claims and will say she has real fears for my DS as well. She will go to the police and ensure our DS is removed from our home until an investigation is completed. She said she will tell SS that was why she stopped contact. She is a teacher and knows what do. I thought DH was going to go for her. She was calm, not shouting, screaming, just very calm and smiled through it all.

I cannot believe this is happening, I cannot even find the words to describe it. After she said this, it is all a haze, she walked out our home them. What do we do? What happens. I am really scared now.

I have changed my name

another one here thinking of you all! well done for doing the right thing andd reprting this!

the police have been. They are going to see her. They told us to expect her to either make the allegations or to deny it. They suspect she will deny it. It boils down to our word against hers if she denies it but it will be on record.
If she makes the allegations, the police have advised us that they will caution her about what can/will happen and the outcome of false allegations and she needs to have proof beyond doubt.
They told us they will come back round after talking to her

glad they have been supportive!! please update when they get back to you

hope you are feeling a bit better now!

Even if we go to the police and SS, my son will need to answer some pretty explicit questions. No I cant do that. She has won

I have had exactly this conversation with two social workers while supporting a family in a meeting with them recently. SW's will not ask explicit questions. They will not ask any questions you have told them not to ask.

There will be no evidence apart from her allegation. They may come and talk to you and want to spend a little time with your DS chatting and building a picture of his family life. That is as far as it will go.

I'm angry just reading your OP so I cannot begin to imagine what you are feeling. She really is a piece of work. You have done the right thing by nipping this in the bud.

I'm glad you have spoken to them and that hopefully you feel a little bit better about what could happen. Hopefully they will impress on her the seriousness of what she had planned.

Glad you did the right thing, I expect she won't make any allegations and will know in future that you can't be threatened

That sounds a very sensible plan. Glad the police are taking this very seriously.
You've done the right thing.

Well done on standing up to her blackmail. I suspect she will deny and say that you are slandering her. Best you can say is that all future discussion will need to be through a solicitor. I think dealing with handovers isn't an issue as she is denying contact anyway?

That's a really good start. I hope they are back before too long x

So glad they've been helpful, it's a horrible thing to have to go through.

This will definitely take the wind out of her sails (she sounds unhinged btw, certainly not someone I'd want teaching my kids).

I a m still in shock but feel a bit better now the police have been. My parents are still here and are waiting with us until the police come back. I cannot believe the sheer spite. What scared me most was her whole demeanor at our home. It was so calculated. I am rambling I know but if you have ever seen the movie The Purge when the baddies come to the door, that was what she was like, really calm, really cold, very very clear and concise. ,It was sureal
Hopefully the police wont be much longer

Well done for ringing the police, she will not have seen that coming and will be in a absolute panic when they arrive at her door.

I am astounded at her behaviour and hope she gets her come uppance.

You, your DP and DS and also DSD know the truth. This behaviour will only come back to haunt her in the future.

What an ordeal.

So shocked at this calculated, malicious behaviour - am also a teacher and horrified to think of the children in her care.

Stay strong OP.

Now might not be the time to think about it.... but I'd be concerned about DSD and whether or not living with her mother is in her best interest.

She sounds terrifying. You have done the right thing. Remember you have done nothing wrong.

Such an insane overreaction on her part to him being 30 mins late. I can see why you feel like it's all a dream. She clearly has a need for total control and required you both to be entirely at her beck and call - and when your DH dared to tell her he wasn't prepared to put up with it she's gone nuclear. It's frightening.

If you call the police first, surely that will screw up her story. I'm astonished she would threaten to put her own daughter through such an ordeal. You must feel sick, but if you preempt her strike by contacting the police and social services first, her accusations will be met with more scepticism.

Friends of ours split up, and the woman made allegations of child sex abuse against the man, to stop him seeng his children. He was devastated and frightened. He was interviewed by the police and by some sort of expert who decided that there was absolutely no case to answer. I have absolutely no doubt that she acted maliciously, but the professionals saw through it immediately.

Is it possible that someone else could be winding her up by pouring poison in her ear? Sounds like a totally irrational tactic on her part that will spectacularly blow up in her face.

I too would be concerned about her fitness to be a parent. I hope the police recommend SS start visiting her to monitor DSDs well being in her home. Frightening that she is in the teaching profession.

I see the police are involved - that's a huge relief. I hope they return soon with news. She's risking a lot by threatening you in this way. I hope it all gets resolved somehow, and soon.

Bloody well done in going to the police. How terrifying. She has no power over you, though. Try to remember that.

Didn't want to read and run. Offering a hand to hold whilst you wait. She brings shame not only on what it is to be a teacher but what it is to be a mother!

We never went to the police as had no faith in them. My dh had been in a dv relationship and they never pressed charges against his ex even with photographic evidence!! It is shameful the way she was almost encouraged to behave, she once said, "I can do what I want to you as they will never believe you and they will never lock up a single mum". Sad thing is she was right .
I hope all ends well for the OP.