meeting my partners son but his ex has to be tgere

[chubbylover78]

After years of wanting to meet my partners son and his ex refusing we've finally set a date but his ex has to be there and it's at her house (it was my partners too before he left her) it makes me feel like I'm going for a interrogation and she will also more than likely have family or friends there too.
My partner thinks it's best for his son so he doesn't feel uncomfortable but it's only going to make it uncomfortable for all of us. She's still bitter that my partners moved on and im not a zoo animal to be stared at our a criminal to be questioned.
I want to go as I don't want to let my partner down but I don't think meeting his ex on her terms on her turf is the right thing.
Any advice would be helpful.

Sorry misread previous references to age, still seems odd, he's not a toddler

Cavkc- your telling me is bizarre. I've anyways supported my DP when it comes to him seeing his son and my DP wants me to meet him so in a few years (or however long it takes)we too can go on holidays etc. My DP had told his ex he's happy to have his son to give his ex a break but it all boils down to the fact that I could be there.

Superscrimper-My monetary status doesn't come into it. I give him money I even buy his sons christmas presents and I pay towards fuel but we have to live too. If his ex was more forthcoming he would see his son more and actually enjoy it. Just because my DP lives away from his son and money is tight doesnt make him a bad parent

Then it's all my fault because he fell in love with me, he wants to be with me and be happy. Because that's what people want me so say. It must be.

Were entitled to child tax credits and child benefits that's all.

I started off having sympathy with the OP but tbh it has diminished quite quickly. Every post is poor DP, poor me for being criticised, what about poor DPs son? Where is he in all this? Poor little boy I really really feel for him, he must feel so rejected by the central male role model in his life. If he doesn't have one now, I really hope he gets a lovely step dad who shows him what a man is suppose to do for his family. Don't kid yourself OP your DPs son will remember all this and your DP will be lucky if he gets a Christmas card when he's older.

This board tends to get really polarised and quite heated but it situations like this that give (and I use this term very loosely) step parents a bad name. Those of us slogging away trying to do the best we can are tarred with the same brush as your 'D'P.

Six years you have been together, 2 in a long distance relationship and 4 living together, surely he should have paid off his debts by now??? If you are supporting the household then there is no reason that he couldn't have paid them off, support himself and put enough aside to see his son, or does getting on with normal life take priority over him as well.

If you have any compassion in you, let this poor little boy spend one-on-one time with his dad when he gets the chance, god knows he seems to get precious little of it. You have no role to play here. I think the ex is being extremely generous letting you into her house, given how your DP has behaved.

I never thought I'd see the day when i would be on the other side of the fence

Fuck me! If people read the posts then they would know I've never stopped him seeing his son. Wasting my time thinking I could get any advice

No one said you'd stopped him, but there seem to be an awful lot of excuses.

ChubbyLover, if your partner wanted to spend more time with his son, he would. His actions speak much louder than his words. He wants to see his son so much that he abandoned a regular contact arrangement and moved away to an untenable distance for regular visits. He's either disinterested of so damned stupid he requires professional intervention, neither of which will fill his child's mother with any confidence.

Fuck it, need advice bang your head against a brick wall.

You've been given advice, it just wasn't what you wanted to hear.

Has it really come as a shock to you that seeing a child five times a year isn't deemed adequate parenting? That kind of makes me sad for your own childhood, to be honest.

I actually moved with my DS 200 miles to be with my now DH.

To cut a long story short, I drove 200 miles every other Friday and picked him up again on the Sunday afternoon.

If you were managing alone with your DC before DP moved in and were financially stable, why even though DP earns less than he did is money such an issue? 300 miles round trip, assuming every 3 months means your DP only manages to save what £20 a month towards seeing his son.

Other posters are correct he will grow up resenting his dad for leaving him. Presumably he hasn't even put him to bed in all these years never mind having him waking up in the same house.

A visit every few months is not enough to sustain this relationship and frankly one phone call a week is ridiculous, my DH spoke to his son every single day on the phone even though he spent half of his time with us! My ex still speaks to our ds several times a week and has done since he was very young.

I'm starting to understand why the ex wants her family/friends there. She must do so much consoling, cuddling and comforting that little boy once his dad disappears again for a few more months after a few hours together. Her family will probably be there as a distraction because I'm sure the little chap will have so many questions once the Op and her DP have gone. What a sad situation.

I think the reason they don't go to court is they wouldn't have a leg to stand on, particularly when the judge starts asking what steps have been taken to ensure consistent and regular contact with the child.

OP you have been given loads of advice, you have chosen not to take it on board. What you haven't been given is sympathy, which it seems is what you were actually looking for. No one is going to say what a wicked woman the ex is because she is not.

Why does the mother not want you near her son and why does his father want to live so far away from him? He chose you over his son. That is the bottom line. And you saying you wouldn't stop him seeing his son is stupid. You have no right too even if you wanted too. For whatever the reason is she doesn't want you near her son and it is her choice.

It helps if you actually read the original post and not make assumptions-After years of wanting to meet my partners son and his ex refusing we've finally set a date but his ex has to be there and it's at her house (it was my partners too before he left her) it makes me feel like I'm going for a interrogation and she will also more than likely have family or friends there too.
My partner thinks it's best for his son so he doesn't feel uncomfortable but it's only going to make it uncomfortable for all of us. She's still bitter that my partners moved on and im not a zoo animal to be stared at our a criminal to be questioned.
I want to go as I don't want to let my partner down but I don't think meeting his ex on her terms on her turf is the right thing.
Any advice would be helpful.

I don't want sympathy nor does my DP justhelpon how to handle the situation which no one has even seen

So we should ignore all your follow up posts then?

Asking the same question over again won't get you a different answer, some posters have said the same thing numerous times but you don't seem to like their advice!

Please explain how you 'don't want to live off the state' but have no inclme other than CB and Tax Credits?

He has put you above his own child.

I don't understand why you keep saying that it was his house too. So what? It hasn't been his house for the past eight years. Bizarre thing to keep repeating.

I'm going to read the OP's posts again as I'm a bit confused