Page 2 | New wives are threatened by old wives

WanderingAway · 2014-08-01T09:57:38+00:00

Hi i would just like to know how true this is. My exh left me for the OW and since then it has aways been about her. Whenever I try and talk to my ex about contact she will either put a photo of them on facebook or a comment declaring their love for each other. Since the day my ex left I have had no desire to get back with him. We have been divorced for about 5 yrs. Everything that she does hinders my childs relationship with their dad. It isn't a coincidence because it happens every time.

Original poster

WanderingAway · 01/08/2014 22:49

Thanks for the replies. It is good to see that it isn't a normal thing.

I am not friends with either of them but have mutual friends so sometimes if they comment on things it shows on my feed.

It isn't just facebook. We didn't formalise contact when going through our divorce because exh wouldn't agree to it. Because of how young my dd was when we split I insisted on him having contact on his own as most people would. This caused an uproar and me being called unreasonable. The few times he turned up for contact she travelled with him. They lived a couple of hours away. She had no family, friends or reason to be in this area.

OP posts:

riverboat1 · 02/08/2014 11:04

I'm sure there are new partners who are threatened by old partners. Sorry that this seems to be the case for you, I can see how frustrating it must be.

I wouldn't get very far if I felt threatened by DP's exes, as well as DSS's mum we also have 2 of his other exes in our social circle! I feel in no way threatened by any of them, they split up for a reason, he chose to be with me for a reason, and we have all moved on - they've all got new long-standing partners or husbands.

I can understand feeling threatened if you felt the ex was still making a play to get back together with your husband, or purposefully trying to derail your relationship. It's also probably harder if the ex is single themselves and you yourself are an insecure person.

I think all parties have to work incredibly hard to remain objective and reasonable, and really question whether they are picking the right battles in terms of when you know something is going to get someone else's back up. It's never easy.

Kaluki · 03/08/2014 18:27

I'm not threatened at all because there is no need. DP doesn't want her back and she is remarried with another child
My exs gf acts as though I'm a threat to her but I totally am not. I think if you are secure on your relationship then nothing and nobody can threaten it!!

CountryGal13 · 05/08/2014 10:28

I'm baffled by this thread. So, for example, I shouldn't post pictures of my husband, our children and I on Facebook incase my MIL comments, it happens to pops up on his ex wife's news feed and she presumes I'm only posting them for her benefit! What!? His ex-wife seeing them would have never crossed my mind!

How would she know you'd see them on your news feed if neither of them are your 'friend' ?

Also, I can't see anything in your posts about how she's affecting his relationship with his daughter, only that you banned her from being present on visits and her dad over ruled you. I apologize if I've missed something else.

Eliza22 · 05/08/2014 10:39

I get on fine with my ex and his long term partner. Ex and I have on ds together who was 4 when his dad left. I knew that FOR THE SAKE OF ALL OUR FUTURES we would need to be able to sit around a table and "get on". There have been times when I've resented ex's partner's attitude to ds but, we essentially get along. There will be no weddings/graduations/events in DS's life where it will be awkward. However, my (now) dh's ex, whom I presumed I'd be introduced to purely for the fact that THERE WILL be times when, in future we need to rub along, would rather ignore me. We walk past each other in Sainsburys and I once smiled at her and was about to say "hello" when she turned her back and walked away.

I feel sorry for the kids. They're now all grown up but DH is adamant he will attend no future events without me and if I'm not welcome, he will not be there. Very sad as I am definitely NOT welcome. His marriage ended years before we met following his ex's affair. Why she's SO hostile, I have no idea.

CountryGal13 · 05/08/2014 19:13

I'm baffled by this thread. So, for example, I shouldn't post pictures of my husband, our children and I on Facebook incase my MIL comments, it happens to pops up on his ex wife's news feed and she presumes I'm only posting them for her benefit! What!? His ex-wife seeing them would have never crossed my mind!

How would she know you'd see them on your news feed if neither of them are your 'friend' ?

Also, I can't see anything in your posts about how she's affecting his relationship with his daughter, only that you banned her from being present on visits and her dad over ruled you. I apologize if I've missed something else.

Original poster

WanderingAway · 06/08/2014 22:41

CountryGal - fair enough it might not sound like much but there are other things that they have done which is aimed at me. For example putting my birthday as the day they first met when I know for sure that it was actually 3 months before.

She doesn't post much on facebook but she always posts when I contact my exh. Coincidence maybe but I think not.

OP posts:

thecandymancan · 21/08/2014 14:58

I don't feel threatened by DPs ex re: HIM leaving me for her, or even him having feelings for her. However I do feel threatened as to the fact she's best friends with his mum (I don't expect this relationship to stop but it makes me feel she's very much still part of the family) and the fact she says things to their DD and him which affect both their behaviour. I'm hopeful that she will get a fella soon and get bored of the various texts she sends...

WakeyCakey45 · 21/08/2014 17:02

Threatened - rarely; once or twice she has confronted me and been verbally abusive, which left me shaken, but not to the extent that I look over my shoulder for her all the time.

I do feel bewildered by her behaviour sometimes; she openly "hates" DH, and yet has moved on very little with her life. She resumed wearing her wedding ring several years after they divorced, she refers to how recent their split is (6 years) and continues to display (publicly, at home and virtually) photos taken while she and DH were on their "once in a lifetime" holiday that they went on (while she was having an affair with a colleague) a matter of weeks before they split.

She's also difficult to predict - one day she'll be hurling abuse by email, text and over the phone, the next she'll expect DH to sit down with her amicably over a cup of coffee.
Personally, I find the best thing is not to think about it too much - take her as she comes at that moment but don't have any expectations. I certainly don't trust her to be consistent or follow through on anything she may say.

shey03 · 21/08/2014 23:44

I'm also baffled by this. I couldn't give a rats arse for my dp's ex. I met him 4 years after his divorce, mutual agreement, initiated by her. She is awful, no one but her best friends like her, she frightens her children. She is negative, controlling, spiteful and bitter. Threatened by her, not in a million years.

On the other hand, one of my own ex's dp's felt very threatened/insecure about me. I'm a lover not a hater and it turned out it was because she felt my ex and I got on too well. Oh well.

And as for the facebook thing/birthday thing, OP why are you following her on there......? It's not healthy for you to be that interested, for your own sake, you need to detach from this and block them. Then you will see nothing and it will benefit you emotionally.

This does interest me though, because my dp and I are very tactile, very affectionate, we are always posting up pictures of us together, kissing or looking happy. It amazes me to think that someone would think that that is for anyone else but us. When we are together (as couples who are in love do) we hold hands or walk/sit with our arms around each other, we kiss in public, yes, shock horror in front of the kids.... And twice dp's ex saw us walking holding hands - holding hands I repeat! - and within 5 mins sent ranting texts about us putting on a show for her! Well, we both burst out laughing, if holding hands with your boyfriend is a show, well, she oughta try it. Get a life, better yet, live it. This is her problem, she is clearly obsessing and thinks the world revolves around her, the reality is quite the opposite.