I hate my step kids!

[Tappergirl]

They live with us full time, are parasites, and have ruined my relationship with my husband. Now though, I blame it on him for being spineless and taking every spat as my fault. I dont want to walk away but I can not see another option :-(

Safe to assume we've all been young adults, I think.

And you like your parents. Right. Well that moved us forward

Think I will follow their model of parenting, not your's.

I totally agree with you Arsenic.

My kids, and DSS, will be able to come here or wherever for as long as they need to.

My parents were very much of the attitude that once we'd gone, we'd gone. That was it. There has been a time when one of my siblings needed to go home, but my parents held firm. It was just as well one of their friend's dad let them sleep on their sofa otherwise they'd have been on the street! My parents were shit for that, and many other reasons. You can not just cut off support, IMO!

I'm not saying you should follow mine (although I do hope you consider your DH's sometimes).

It would be nice if an alternate view could be allowed to stand on this board without being attacked though.

This thread has been particularly telling as there is so little in the OP's stance to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with. And yet you do.

Faire, at what point did somebody tell me that when the kids move in you leave your husband? I didn't have to make a decision, we were very happy. What actual planet do you live on?

Wait, you were very happy when they moved in with you?

Now I'm even more confused

At what point did you become unhappy OP?

Exactly Caravan.

Nice to see so many well-balanced, caring stepmothers together on this forum for once

I know why I usually stay away. Now I'm wondering about other people's reasons

I'm not saying you should follow mine (although I do hope you consider your DH's sometimes).
My DH and I have been discussing this thread for the last two days (not continuously ;) ). I'm not sure why you think his views aren't considered; on this particular issue, at least, we are in happy agreement.

It would be nice if an alternate view could be allowed to stand on this board without being attacked though.
So you are saying that "parents have an obligation to support their adult children" is an alternate view? And that my disagreement with it is an attack? FFS.

This thread has been particularly telling as there is so little in the OP's stance to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with. And yet you do.
My disagreement with you and certain other posters should not be mistaken for agreement with the OP.

I am disgusted by your attitude Brdgrl. Harsh and rigid and quite possibly one of the most unpleasant people I have ever come across both here and in RL. You defend the indefensible on this board by shutting down any real discussion and making people afraid to post for fear of being banned (you have managed to do this to a number of posters) or accusing them of being a troll or a bully.

I do find myself wondering though if it is more that you just cannot bear to back down rather than really believe the things you claim to. No matter what the argument you always manage to counter it improbably neatly. I don't believe you always tell the truth on here.

You may find that your children will not grow up to trust you and will not approach you for help because there is no point. I wonder if this attitude will also apply to your dd ( i.e, the non step one). I don't think it will.

Well said Nicki. Sadly, I don't think her attitude will extend to her DD either.

"Parents who provide phased support of various types, including a home, should it be needed (and by that I mean a 'my home is your home' attitude not 'you can come for a short holiday same as great aunt jean' -it doesn't matter if only the sofa is available and they have to buy their own beans on toast because money is so tight) ARE better parents, in fact. Ask any care leaver who has had to suffer the 'parenting' of the state cutting off suddenly at 18."

This ^

I'm not sure why you think his views aren't considered

I didn't say I thought that they weren't, I said I hoped they were. As you kow perfectly well being an A+ nitpicker.

Hopefully the two of you are remarkably similar and highly compatible, otherwise your house must be difficult.

The feeling is absolutely mutual, Nicki.
Now, imagine I am your 18 year old stepdaughter. Feel any more sympathy for the OP?

making people afraid to post for fear of being banned (you have managed to do this to a number of posters
Have I gotten someone banned? Or have they gotten themselves banned? I had no idea, but if someone was so awful they got banned by MN, I'm not sorry for them.

No matter what the argument you always manage to counter it improbably neatly.
Well, thank you?

I don't believe you always tell the truth on here.
You'd be very wrong about that. This is probably the one place where I do tell the truth. Why would I not? I also don't make seasonal name change, for the same reason - I'd rather be completely honest here, and be real. Sometimes I probably say more than I should about my own circumstances (I'm not sure I should be telling strangers my personal financial circumstances, for instance), but I have no interest in having a "MN persona".

In all honesty I have to agree that I can't imagine not trying to help my kids or indeed my step kids just because they become adults.

My parents aren't always great in many ways, my mum seems to always be shouting at everyone, but they say they would always help me where they can (Although they revoked that offer when it came to potentially needing a guarantor for dp and Is place because while I had an income I was a student nurse and not working, and they wouldn't believe me that It would only be for my half of the rent as he was working, but it didn't matter as the agency accepted my bursary as income so I didn't need one.) but they have said that as we're having no end of trouble getting out of this mould covered shit hole, I could come back and stay in my old room, with dp, dsd and my baby if I needed to after baby is born to protect his lungs. Now that's a lot more than I'd expect from parents but it's what I'd want to be able to offer ours if we are able to.

I wonder if this attitude will also apply to your dd ( i.e, the non step one). I don't think it will.

- I'd rather be completely honest here

Well in that case then, it is not just the OP's SC I feel sorry for, its your's too brdgrl.

There's nothing worthwhile responding to in that last post of yours apart from the not wanting a MN persona.

I'm afraid you have one, like it or not are extremely well known on MN.

I've got friends who were kicked out and their parents refuse to ever let them home or help them ever even in the tiniest way financially.
They have grown the resent their parents and feel abandoned. If you can watch your child struggle and go trough hardship when you can help it's beyond me why you wouldn't. If you can afford to keep them as a child you can afford to help them when necessary as a teen/young adult.

My stepmum flew to a different country to 'collect' me and take me back to their then home following a traumatic time I had in my early 20s. I don't know how I would have physically coped if they had decided I shouldn't be supported anymore. Thank god for my lovely Mum.

I'm not married

Seeing how ignorant and misinformed you are about most other things, I'm not putting too much faith in your predictions. How's your own marriage working out, by the way?

Completely out of line brd

If you marry a man with children you assume responsibility for the wellbeing of those children - permanently.
Nonsense.
My DH is a grown man. His stepmum doesn't have any responsibility for him and his siblings, and no one expects otherwise.

Thanks arsenic but it's fine. I feel thoroughly vindicated when Brdgrl lets it slip and shows how thoroughly hypocritical she is.

This is turning into brdgrl's thread it seems.

A lot of them do Perp