I can't believe the bloody cheek!

[PajamaQueen]

I'm not one to rant normally as I try and keep a level head and detach before I do get too involved but I just can't believe the bloody cheek!

DH has 2 DC with his ex. He pays maintenance, half school trips, dinner money, etc. He pays completely for one of his DC to do an after school activity also. One of our DC also does an after school activity - ballet. Her fees are paid termly and she absolutely loves it. She's really grown in confidence since doing it and has made some good friends from outside school. DSC's mum has informed DH that DC1 wants to do a second after school activity and she wants him to pay for it as she can't afford it and he "is their dad."

DH's response was along the lines of that while he can understand how much DSC1 wants to do another activity he already pays for one and can't really afford to pay for a second. Mum answered back with "Maybe if you stopped sending DD to ballet you could afford it."

I just can't believe the cheek! There is no way I am stopping DD doing something she loves just so DSC can do a second activity. If she doesn't like it maybe she should bloody fund the second choice as she doesn't contribute to the first anyway!

I just can't believe she has the audacity to suggest stopping one of his children doing something she loves so another one of his children can take up a second hobby.

Haha yes, we have had similar here. When dh lost his job, and the cm he paid went down (I essentially have been paying - which is fine), xp moaned and said "well maybe you should take your other dd out of nursery then to help pay for dsds ballet/rainbows/swimming/etc etc". I was and and all at once.

Each child gets one activity... end of.

Technically maintenance is for those things anyway so she's got a great deal! There are free/ very cheap activities out there which she could of if she wants something extra.

In short, she's a spiteful bitch. And presumably trying to reinforce DSC's position as "the most important child" by sacrificing DD's activity in favour of her (DSC1's) second. The gobsmacking thing is how women who act like this actually think that the father of both children would willingly discriminate like that and deliberately favour one over the other.

Exactly - we've already said that each child gets to do one outside school activity each. Even if DH had agreed to paying for DSC1 to do a second - he'd have to let the others have the same deal to be fair. You've got to draw the line somewhere. So it's one or nothing.

Catsmother, you hit it on the head with trying to reinforce the "most important". I'll never forget when she asked DH how much I contributed to our household. When he asked why she needed to know, she told him "because I am the first mother of your children so I have a right to know."

Jeeze pajama, she sound awful! So glad my DH exgf doesn't pull stunts like this. Did your DH put her right?

Ps, classic example of 'the golden uterus'

Wow awful woman! DP has more of a reason to know how she is contributing to her house hold and raising his kids than she does to know your income!

Wow - awful! I'll thank my lucky stars for DH's ex after reading this not something I ever thought I'd say

Step, Yes, he's told her that he request is ludicrous to expect DD to stop her activity in favour of DSC getting to do extra. She thinks she's entitled to everything that DH brings home - she's very money orientated so he played her at her own game. He told her that if DSC1 really wants to do this activity then he'll happily cut down the maintenance he pays her in favour to fund a second club. You can imagine her response to that one. So I think she got the message.

Haha! Good for DH :)

good good, I was going to suggest that next so glad he thought of it!

Yeh we've had this one a few years ago, DH's ex told us we should stop paying for the girls' swimming so that we could pay for piano lessons for my DSD, despite already paying maintenance and for dancing for her. Grr.....

I may be able to beat that....DH's ex has repeatedly requested details of my income to assess her child maintenance- according to her it should be calculated on our household income I.e she wants 15% of EVERYTHING we bring in as cm. The phrase rhymes with duck hat...

Haha Mary! To bloody right :)

Anyway she is not the first mother of his children. she is the mother of his first children. His children are the important ones not her...

Because Mary you were obviously involved in creating that child/children and they are your financial responsibility....

Yes Alita, we've been over that several times with her, I may be forgetful as I get older but I'm fairly sure I played no part in the concepttion of my DSD! (who I adore incidentally but that's not the point)

lol Mary - you are on form today.

Mary, a friend of mine is facing similar demands from a demented Ex who has spent years bringing court cases to demand access to my friend's bank statements and pay slips to use the 'household income' line. She demanded to see invoices from the wedding and even the engagement ring in order to have her maintenance increased.

When my friend and her DH took the children to stay at my friend's parents' house one weekend, the ex decided to look up the house, assess its value and add that to the mix.

I'm pleased to say that she has got precisely nowhere with any of this so far but I have no idea how my friend stays so calm about it.

Meridian B - that's totally insane! But sadly very believable.

Meridian, I can believe it!!!! I bought New furniture last year (first time I have ever had anything new fir the house!) and decided to get a cleaner a few hours a week as I had taken on a third job. Within a few hours of DSD going home and obviously telling her mum this the mad ex is on the phone saying that as I have no taken am a third job and can afford luxuries like a new sofa and a cleaner DH needs to increase his maintenance. Yeh good luck with that. I work hard for my money and DSD gets extras now I have a third job but I make sure it's stuff that goes directly to her, no way the ex is getting her mitts on my hard earned cash!!!!

Meridian, I can believe it!!!! I bought New furniture last year (first time I have ever had anything new fir the house!) and decided to get a cleaner a few hours a week as I had taken on a third job. Within a few hours of DSD going home and obviously telling her mum this the mad ex is on the phone saying that as I have no taken am a third job and can afford luxuries like a new sofa and a cleaner DH needs to increase his maintenance. Yeh good luck with that. I work hard for my money and DSD gets extras now I have a third job but I make sure it's stuff that goes directly to her, no way the ex is getting her mitts on my hard earned cash!!!!

It's truly shocking and the ex works for a lawyer, hence the legal papers coming like confetti. More than one judge has told her to stop wasting their time. There are more horror stories but I wouldn't want to out anyone.

Remarkably and thankfully, the DCs involved seem unscathed by it all.

I do find myself thinking that my DH's ex looks almost reasonable in comparison....

I have other friends - a couple - who are both divorced and both their exes make their lives a misery. Perhaps they should introduce the exes?!

I remember dss relaying one of his mum's regular rants about how she doesn't get any maintenance "because randomAXE takes all of your dad's money" . For a second it made me feel like I was his floozy on the side dipping into his riches for designer gear and bubbly, then I remembered that no, we were skint and had 3 other kids (who cost less combined than dss alone).

At that time we had 50:50 and higher costs; but dh should pay everything and she should pay nothing: presumably because dh has a penis and ex has a vagina? - the mind still boggles on that particular issue.

We have dss 100% of the time now; ex hasn't seen him for 2 months; does she pay any maintenance? Of course she frigging doesn't. I'm sure its something to do with the vagina thing again... still trying to get my head around it

Crazy people. Just ignore.