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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

Wills and stepchild

61 replies

apachepony · 01/02/2014 15:17

I know this topic has been done before, but just interested in your opinions as dh and I had an argument about this... about to buy a house, with over a third of the purchase price being cash coming from my own savings over 10 years and a gift from my parents - how should the will split things between dsd and our joint child? House being only asset, and dsd likely to inherit an amount at least two thirds the value of the house from her mother's side?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

croquet · 01/02/2014 15:31

Don't know but interested to find out!

JoinYourPlayfellows · 01/02/2014 15:35

I would say that your half of the house should go to your DD and your husband's half of the house should be split between his two children.

croquet · 01/02/2014 15:37

Agree in part, but shouldn't his half be split between all his children, i.e. including the DD he has with the OP? Otherwise not fair: why isn't he leaving one of his daughters anything?

croquet · 01/02/2014 15:39

Her half to their shared DD and his half only to other kids is tantamount to him saying he doesn't need to provide for his youngest DD as he knows her mum will, whereas he'd never apply that logic to the other two.

Also if you have it set up that his half makes no allowance for your DD, if you die first, then your half goes to him, then that goes to the DSCs, she will get nothing.

Another thing to consider is if you die then house is sold and your part is kept in trust for her, rather than going to your DH with danger it will get absorbed by DSCs.

JoinYourPlayfellows · 01/02/2014 15:43

shouldn't his half be split between all his children, i.e. including the DD he has with the OP?

That's what I said

When I said "all his children", I mean, ALL of them including the child he has with the OP.

JoinYourPlayfellows · 01/02/2014 15:43

Oh no, I said "his two children", which I believe is his total number of children - OP's SD and DD.

croquet · 01/02/2014 15:43

Ah, ok, sorry! I thought he had two others. I was reading two threads at once! Apologies

JoinYourPlayfellows · 01/02/2014 15:44

No worries :)

Don't be giving me cake! :o

croquet · 01/02/2014 15:44

I agree with JoinYourPlayfellows
This stuff is important. And also I think it's irrelevant what they're going to get from their mum. Even if nothing, it should still be divvied like this.

needaholidaynow · 01/02/2014 15:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HermioneWeasley · 01/02/2014 15:53

Agree - your half goes to your child (and future children) and his half gets divided between all his kids equally.

Chewbecca · 01/02/2014 15:53

Similar situation here and DH & I agree with playfellows too

Agree this does not acknowledge your initial bigger contribution (I put more into our first house too), but, hoping there are many years ahead of you both I figure by the time it comes to deal with these things, I'm happy that the house is truly joint and therefore DH can divvy his 'half' equally between his children without me thinking he's given some of 'my' share to 'his' children. In fact, although my initial contribution to our house was bigger, his annual contribution since then has been bigger so I'm sure we must be quits by now.

If you are concerned there are not many years ahead of you then you need to find a way of ring-fencing your initial contribution but that doesn't bode well really.

Chewbecca · 01/02/2014 15:55

What is your stance & your DH's OP? what were you each proposing that caused the row?

Original poster

apachepony · 01/02/2014 15:56

Dh wants it split equally, which I don't think is fair particularly given the assets will all have come from me. It's putting me off putting my parents' gift into a house, don't know if that's silly!

OP posts:

TamerB · 01/02/2014 15:58

If I was the father I couldn't contemplate a situation where my 2 children were not treated equally.

JoinYourPlayfellows · 01/02/2014 15:59

No, it's not silly.

You are bringing a LOT to the table here.

This is a house he wouldn't be getting to live in if it wasn't for your money.

Why should your parents give so much money to his daughter?

JoinYourPlayfellows · 01/02/2014 16:01

If I was the father I couldn't contemplate a situation where my 2 children were not treated equally.

His children ARE being treated equally. By HIM.

The OP only has one daughter.

croquet · 01/02/2014 16:02

Exactly. Each child has two parents who must prioritise their own kids.

Original poster

apachepony · 01/02/2014 16:02

I would favour the approach most people are suggesting (with possibly more if we both die before ds is 18 - god forbid - as he would then be an orphan whereas dsd would have her mum and the proceeds of a life insurance policy, also this would reflect my greater initial contribution)

OP posts:

needaholidaynow · 01/02/2014 16:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

croquet · 01/02/2014 16:04

but needaholiday are your DSs also your DPs?

Ziplex · 01/02/2014 16:04

We have split it fairly between our children regardless of any other inheritance!
My parents split and because my Mother owns a house I have been cut out of my Father/ SM will, my brother ( their child) inherits all, what they don't know ( but I do) is that Mother has left it all to her nephew.
I can't and won't let my husbands and my children be treated any different and I struggle as a step parent.

LtEveDallas · 01/02/2014 16:06

We've just done this. Over half of the equity in our new house comes from me. I have no issue in using it for 'my' family, but want to make sure that if anything happens to me, my DD is protected.

Our house is 'split' 50/50 between me and DH.

My 50% goes to DD alone. DH's 50% is split between DD and DSD. So in essence DD would get 75% of it and DSD 25% of it were we both to die. DSD will also get 100% of her mothers assets (which DH helped to build but has no claim on).

We've also made arrangements should we both die before DD is an adult (DSD already is)

needaholidaynow · 01/02/2014 16:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TeaMakesItAllPossible · 01/02/2014 16:08

We have exactly this situation. I owned the house before meeting DH. We have 4 DS. My DS. His two DSs. And one DS that we are both parents to. All live with us the majority of the time. My third of the house is split between my 2 birth DSs. The jointly owned two thirds is spilt to reflect their parental input to the house as their other parents received very favourable financial settlements. So the value is spilt in 5. DSs 1-3 (my DS and my DHs 2 DSs) get a fifth each. DS4 gets two-fifths. The calculations, the reason why and final percentages after the calculation are all written down.

We are actually really careful about being equal about many other things, it's just we felt we had to do this to be fair to our joint DS.

I have included in our wills a lovely family ring for all four boys from me so that is equal.

We do treat them equally for money and activities as they grow up. For example, I'm secretly saving for all 4 boys to get driving lessons when they're 17 and a suit for after they finished education.

It's such a hard thing to do. I love my DSSs very much and we spent a lot of time working through the complexities of our family to come up with this approach.

Of course it could all be a pointless exercise I intend to spend the last four years of my life drinking gin on a cruise

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