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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

Wills and stepchild

61 replies

apachepony · 01/02/2014 15:17

I know this topic has been done before, but just interested in your opinions as dh and I had an argument about this... about to buy a house, with over a third of the purchase price being cash coming from my own savings over 10 years and a gift from my parents - how should the will split things between dsd and our joint child? House being only asset, and dsd likely to inherit an amount at least two thirds the value of the house from her mother's side?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

JoinYourPlayfellows · 01/02/2014 16:26

I intend to spend the last four years of my life drinking gin on a cruise

What a great plan... I can't see any problems with that

KringleCandleLover · 01/02/2014 16:51

I have 2 Dcs, DH has 2 DCs and we have a DC together.

If, assuming all the DCs are over 21 when we pop off, the house will be split 50-50 between each set of DCs and then into 3rds.

Our joint DC will benefit from the greatest share, getting a 3rd from each parent.

The same has been drawn up for our insurance policies.

Though should we die before my youngest is 21,she is 7, the house will go to the eldest (my DD 22) on the assumption she will raise the youngest in the house.

When we built the house, I put in a far greater share of cash as DH had given 70% of his and exs house sale to ex. Though he does earn more at the moment so puts more into the house from his earnings.

I'm not going anywhere anytime soon only the good die young

TamerB · 01/02/2014 17:02

His children ARE being treated equally. By HIM.

The OP only has one daughter.

I wouldn't contemplate having a child with someone else if they were going to be more equal than the child I already had. It would be a non starter.
It is a good idea to sort these things before you have joint children.

JoinYourPlayfellows · 01/02/2014 17:04

So you only want to have children with people who are able to deny reality.

That's your choice.

But it clearly wasn't that of the OP or many of the step-parents on this thread.

fluffygal · 01/02/2014 17:09

We have split our own halves between our own children. We both brought two children to the relationship and have one together. So my half is split between my 3, his split between his 3. I brought a lot more to the table but we are only young so thought it would be picky not to split evenly when we should hopefully live a long time yet.

My older dc's will have inheritance from their dad, and although my dss's are unlikely to ever hear from their bm again let alone inherit anything, we thought this was the fairest way to split things. When I die my half will not go to Dh, but will sit until dies or sells and they will get their portion then (or a care home will!).

Maybe83 · 01/02/2014 17:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fluffygal · 01/02/2014 17:15

kringle we have the same will plan as you, was the fairest way we thought otherwise our joint dc would be disadvantaged due to her parents still being together!

AntiJamDidi · 01/02/2014 17:23

Our house will be split equally between 'my' dd, and 'our' dd. Dp is the only dad that dd1 has ever known, so both of them feel that he is her dad even though they only met when she was 6. If she had another dad who was involved in her life then we would probably rethink the split because she would then have someone else that she would be inheriting from except that her bio father probably won't have a penny to his name if he continued the way he was going when we split up

Original poster

apachepony · 01/02/2014 18:45

It is interesting to hear from those on the other side, as I can't understand why he thinks it's unfair to not split equally. It's like he wants to ignore the fact that dsd is not in fact my daughter. I guess he doesn't want to face the fact that much as I care for dsd, it will never be to the same level as for my own child, just as she does not love me like she does her own mother. I don't think she would be disadvantaged though, both children would inherit from their mother and father, and dsd would still end up with more overall (particularly if we have one more child)

OP posts:

TamerB · 01/02/2014 19:15

I expect he just can't contemplate having two children and treating them differently - I couldn't.

croquet · 01/02/2014 19:33

Tamer: well.... he should have contemplated it before having children with two different women shouldn't he? Inevitably if your kids have different mums they will have different wealth to bring in their parenting roles?

To think all wealth of the mums should be cancelled out and it all gathered under the husband's name to share equally is a bit... medieval?

LtEveDallas · 01/02/2014 19:36

Apache, he needs to look at it in numbers:

If your 50% goes to your DD
His 50% goes to your DD and his DD
His Ex's 100% (or however it would be split) goes to his DD.

So your DD gets 75%
His DD gets 125%

If you split with DP, then that is how it would happen in any case. He needs to treat his 2 children equally.

TamerB · 01/02/2014 19:41

That was my argument- I wouldn't have another child in those circumstances- it should be sorted out first.

LtEveDallas · 01/02/2014 19:46

You can't always 'sort it out' though Tamer. You can't put your life on hold for fear of upsetting the applecart. What if the first child was born when you were 18 and not in a steady relationship? Do you deny yourself future happiness or more children till the day you die?

All you need to be is 'fair' - some people want to be 'generous' and that's great, but 'fair' should be the starting place.

TamerB · 01/02/2014 19:49

I agree that being fair might not be giving them the same amount but it does need to be worked out before you have a joint child. It is too important to go ahead with different assumptions.

Philoslothy · 01/02/2014 19:51

100% of ex wife's house will go to DSS.

Our other children will inherit from this house - presently 5 of them - hopefully 6 .

JoinYourPlayfellows · 01/02/2014 21:08

To think all wealth of the mums should be cancelled out and it all gathered under the husband's name to share equally is a bit... medieval?

I might love you a little bit, croquet :o

Chunderella · 01/02/2014 21:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

apachepony · 01/02/2014 21:52

I think the presumption is if you're married it's held as joint tenants. I could see an even bigger argument coming if I said I wanted to hold in different shares

OP posts:

Chunderella · 01/02/2014 22:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TamerB · 01/02/2014 22:57

I would get a solicitor. We have changed to tenants in common, nothing to do with step children- just safeguarding ourselves as we get older. My only point is that you should have sorted it before you had a child. I would discuss it with a solicitor and get proper advice now.

Original poster

apachepony · 02/02/2014 08:33

I don't think I need a solicitor (well other than to buy a house), we need to agree what we want to do before we go near a solicitor!

OP posts:

TamerB · 02/02/2014 09:08

Maybe the solicitor can come up with a solution that suits both.

Twentyducks · 02/02/2014 09:22

We had a similar solution but the solicitor did have a better idea and knew what might or might not be challenged also. There's a solicitor on here called mumblechum who did ours for less cash than a high street firm. It's worth it to ensure its legal.

Chewbecca · 02/02/2014 09:35

I did speak to a wills and probate chap about this actually who did give me some alternate advice.... But we didn't like it!
He suggested DH takes a life insurance policy to be his inheritance for his first children and we leave our house 100% to DS.
I don't agree with that as I think our existing 'wealth' to be shared is adequate, there's really no need to increase it by adding another life policy on top & we don't particularly want to increase our outgoings to fund it. I am a but suspicious that he was on commission for life insurance policies.

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