Maleficent's Guide To Step Parenting

[WhatWouldMaleficentDo]

Dear Reader,

I have been much maligned as a step-mother over the years and so misrepresented, even I sometimes wonder what is truth and fiction. The sad fact is that people will always believe the child over the step-mother, no matter how outrageous the story and accusations.

Take my step child, Snow White. Ran off and shacked up with 12 men in a squat. Doing so many drugs she thought she could speak to animals FFS. (Lets face it, she didn't get called "snow white" for no reason IYSWIM.) I rescue her from herself with an intervention and a stay at the Priory and what do I hear back? Magic Mirrors, wood cutters and poisoned apples! And people believed her.

However, I know now where I went wrong and look back on those times thinking "If only I had had someone to show me the way". So here it is, dear step mothers. The Mumsnet Guide to being a stepmother. Instead of worrying, just ask "What would Maleficent Do?" and follow these 12 steps to become the perfect Mumsnet Step Parent.

All of the following advice has been given to step parents in one form or another on Mumsnet discussions.

1. You may call yourselves step mothers, because that is what you are.

1. It's wrong to refer to yourself as mother in any form as it detracts from a child's real mother.

1. You should not try to be a mother to a step-child as they already have one.

1. If you don't act motherly you are rejecting the child and this can damage them and cause emotional problems later in life.

1. It is OK to think your own child and the children of your friends and the children at your child's school are horrible.

1. Your DH or DP's Children aren't horrible it is you making them that way as they can sense that you don't like them.

1. You must not declare that you love your stepchild or expect your step child to love you as that is not natural and they already have a mum.

1. You should automatically love your step children and if you can't you are bad and should leave your DH / DP.

1. If the children live with their mum, you should never change any payments of maintenance as it is unfair on the child.

10. If the child comes to live with you, the mum should not have to pay maintenance as it is your job to support them as you chose to be with a man who had children already.

11. You should not distance yourself from your step children as they will sense this and it will make them feel unwelcome.

12. As an adult its up to you to put your emotions to one side and distance them from your step children as showing how you feel will make them feel unwelcome.

You know. Reading this back, I think I can summarise this so much better.

1. Damned if you do.
2. Damned if you don't.

Now, off you go and get back to being Man Eating, Child Stealing Whores

Love,

Maleficent x

Somethng else I don't understand...

Why would you assume that by slatting someone, we are saying everyone that fits the same description is the same.. i.e I detest my partners ex wife... that doesnt mean all ex wives are destestable..

I dislike an indian lady that i work with... when I moan about her to my friend she doesnt tell me I am nasty and lying about this woman and how dare I because she has an indian friend who is really nice and therefore I must be imagining how horrible my colleague is

And in response to your defense when you say that you only said 'some women' on here don't deserve to be called stepmum - who were you referring to then because I can't see anyone on here who doesnt deserve it based on what they've said...?

dragonfly - mmmmmmm - I like it!!!! Ta single mummy. I think however you will find vicious I am not - protective of women I have gotten to know over a long period of time, who have supported me through the hardest times in my life - absolutely. These women may be online but that doesnt make them any less my friends and noone picks on my friends, purely because they dared to get involved with a man with baggage. I am genuinly sorry for the experiences you are having and your children, like everyone elses dont deserve to be abused. It must be awful to have your power to protect them taken away so literally and as a former single parent I do actually empathise completely. I cant imagine the frustration and anger I would feel in that position and I truly hope your children come through ok, however do not make the mistake of bullying and railing at my friends, who are all trying their best to negotiate a difficult, thankless maze and think we will all take it. We wont.

Very well put prettyfly.

p.s I've only been around a few weeks so I don't think i'm your friend yet but will work at this...

piece of cake?

Ooh sorry, just to be clear that wasn't a passive agressive piece of cake

snort - I take your cake and raise you some delicious biscuits - only very slightly passive aggressive - and you are more then welcome in our coven :)

thanks

Just a tale from my Passive Aggressive Dining Table and Chairs.

I cooked a meal for all three of us last night - thats right - all three had the same.

I did not allow my DH - as usual - to come in after 8hrs on a building site to make his 'little' boy - exhausted by a part time shop job and playing on his x-box his very favourite tea and a different meal entirely from whatever we are having.

He (HWSBM) actually ate every bit of it - my homemade chicken stew [smug] emoticon - even though it did not include chips or sausages or burgers etc - his usual staple diet.

So I thought point proven on two counts [ we really do need a smug emoticon ] emoticon. Firstly DH does not need to come in from hard days work and ask HWSBM what he wants for his tea (even when his wife - yours truly - has cooked tea) and then cook it specially for him. Secondly HWSBM is not as fussy as DH thinks - as in he ate all the 'proper food' - ie chicken stew last night. He is only that faddy because DH facilitates him to be by being willing to cook for him what he wants rather than my like it or lump it 'fait accompli' style of catering that I applied to my own children. I would not for them and never will therefore for anyone elses - cook different meals for everyone.

Passive Aggressive Furniture - dont you just love it

Love it indeed. Why does so much of our effort revolve around eating...??! Its a common theme in our hose too. Odd.

Suda- all 3 !!!

Just to add - the table and chairs are new - before we always ate on our laps at different times etc. I have nagged for years for this table and chairs as I believe in sitting round a table.

It is PA because I use it to pre-empty any of previous ridiculous pandering and piss taking by my DH and SS respectively. Now its simply a case of 'fait accompli' 'tea' is on the table.

From this day forward am going to call 'Tea' - 'Fait Accompli'.

Started my very own rhyming slang for Stepmothers.

MJ - I would make some white choc cheesecake for you but sadly I only have hostile biscuit crumbs and my sprung cake tin is having a few issues with displacement currently so I don't feel it's a good idea.

How about an affable skinny blueberry muffin?

Trouble is would only work with northeners as you lot call it dinner I believe.

'Fait accompli's on the table'

HA

J'aime beaucoup Suda-

Fait accompli- just brilliant !

MJ

PMSL

MJ - I have similiar rants in the refrigerater aisles in our local supermarket - they have more low fat this and weightwatchers that and 'be good to yourself' bollocks in their fridges than anything else.

I stand there and announce very loudly - ' NOT EVERYONE IS ON A DIET YOU KNOW - WHERES THE SATURATED FATS FULL FAT AND CHOLESTEROL? -GIVE IT TO ME NOW '

PMSL indeed.

Have a nigella chocolate fudge brownie...

One morning. One lousy morning I'm stuck in meetings and you lot get muffins and cheesecake .

I even bought my own dual personality spork. Scoop or stab. It. Just. Doesn't. Know...