Right then - last day of the season - here we go
What goes BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP?
Liverpool's open top bus reversing back into the garage.
There's a huge sigh of relief from all the blokes that said they would get married when Liverpool won the league
...close one eh?
What ship has never docked in Liverpool?
The Premiership
BBC Weather reports that Liverpool's title hopes were been blown away by Gayle force winds.
Steven Gerrard walks into a Ba ...
... And that, son, is how Liverpool missed out on the 2014 Premier League title.
Two's Kompany, there's a trophy.
Which three English League teams have swear words in their name?
- Arsenal.
- Scunthorpe United.
- Manchester Fucking United.
David Moyes W22 D9 L15...
P45.
Manchester United's owners, the Glazers, have denied knowing nothing about football, reminding us that they took advice from Fergie before appointing David Moyes.
Following his disastrous tenure, however, they have confirmed they won't be consulting her about the next manager.
David Moyes has been offered another job already!
The Great Britain Tobogganing Team have said they have been looking for years for someone who can push a team downhill at that sort of speed.
What's the difference between David Moyes and Primark?
Anything put together by Primark usually lasts more than a season.
David Moyes shouldn't worry about getting another job.
After receiving 4 million for being a complete failure, he'll be running a bank in no time.
Why was Ryan Giggs appointed Man Utd's caretaker manager?
... Well, he's an expert in playing away from home.
I've been a lot happier since I stopped supporting Chelsea and started watching paint dry.
It takes less than 90 minutes and i get to see a decent finish.
What's 3-inches long and never gets used?
The key to Arsenal's trophy cabinet.
Newcastle United manager Alan Pardew was been fined £100,000 for headbutting a Hull player during a match.
It was a shocking scene. People aren't used to seeing a football manager use his head.
Thank god Manchester United offered Wayne Rooney a £300,000 a week deal.
I was getting worried that he wasn't able to survive on £250,000 a week.
What do Manchester and Istanbul have in common?
They both have only one half in Europe!
Fulham fans, if you turn your ipad to the portrait position you can save time scrolling to find your league place.
Quick, quick put Sky Sports 3 on - I want to watch Tottenham Villa
... said no-one ever.
Two policemen were horrified to find a number of the Northern Ireland football team playing football with a hedgehog yesterday.
They were just about to phone the RSPCA when they realised the hedgehog was beating them four nil.
Vincent Tan has said that he will consider a change in Cardiff City's kit colour, to match the teams mood.
Blue.
++++
Congratulations Man City
Farewell to Cardiff City, Fulham and Norwich
Good Luck to Leicester City, Burnley and ???
++++
... and then there's the world Cup ...
I said to the wife, "I've been thinking a lot about what you said. You know, 'I always put football over you'."
"And?" she replied.
I said, "Well I've just been down the travel agents and booked us a holiday for the summer."
"Ooh, where we going?" She asked.
"Brazil"
So, Roy Hodgson went to Brazil to look at the facilities.
He should be quite impressed with the leather sofas in the airport departure lounge.
The FA are 'freaking out' over security in Rio.
England should be ok; it’s not as if they'll have a trophy to steal.
Roy Hodgson is employing a psychologist to help England with penalties in the World Cup
Penalties?
You’ve got to admire his optimism.