Do you talk to your children about emotional wellbeing? Share with the GDST for a chance to win a £300 John Lewis voucher

[EmmaMumsnet]

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There’s been a huge change over the years in how we speak out mental health, and it’s becoming more and more apparent that we need to be educating our children about their emotional wellbeing as well. The Girls’ Day School Trust (GDST), a family of 25 schools across the UK, would like to hear your views on how we can help children to be happy and feel good in the world.

What do you think affects your children's mental health and how do you talk to them about it? Do you think exam pressure or even entrance exams cause your children stress? Does social media affect your children? Do they talk to you about their emotions or do you approach the topic of mental health if you see them struggling? Do you think mental health and wellbeing should be discussed and taught in schools?

Please share how you talk to your children about their emotional wellbeing and you will be entered into a prize draw to win a £300 voucher of your choice (from a list).

Thanks

MNHQ

Terms and conditions apply

One of my children is anxious and suffers from low self esteem as school work is very tricky for her.
I try to help by praising other things she is good at and talking to her about her and other people's feelings.

Yes I do. My child may only be 2 but u’m Already equipping her with strategies to express herself, support her mental health and provide coping strategies.
I genuinely believe the pressure placed on children now is huge and I intend to enable my child to navigate childhood with a toolbox of strategies.
At present these include mindfulness, children’s yoga, meditation, and calming relaxation.

We are both teachers within the specialist sector and talk to our DS's (14 and 8) about their mental wellbeing regularly in a way which is appropriate to their age.
DS2 has a feelings board using the inside out characters and we encourage him to think about his mood and which character he is currently like. This enables us to talk to him about it, currently he's been empathising with sadness and anger a lot but when talking to him about it, it's because he has a new baby brother (3 months) and feels pushed out. We are working with him on this.
DS1 has a safe space within the house (his room) and is allowed to use it wherever. Any normal household conflict does not carry on into this space although once calm we may sit on his bed to talk about it with him. Repair and rebuild is hugely important in our house- taking the time to fix whatever has gone wrong and this includes the adults apologising to the children if appropriate.
Resilience is an important skill to learn, both the oldest boys are members of scouts and Cubs for this reason. They go on all the events whatever the weather and I truly believe it supports a well rounded development.
Exercise is equally as important and both of them do extra curricular football weekly, swim and are members of the local gym. I talk to them about how I hate exercise but recognise it's importance to my wellbeing so that they can make the link.

I take my children's mental heath and wellbeing very seriously. My children are quite timid and all are affected by shouty teachers, and lots of noise in the classroom. Last year, my son was not coping well in his class, he suffered anxiety, we went to a highly recommended psychologist, who helped him so much with his coping strategies. He is so happy now. The psychologist has become a hero in our house. I always stress to my children that their mental health is as important as their bodily health, and recently my older son has admitted to me he feels incredibly anxious in new situations, so much so it's preventing him going out. He has agreed to go and see our lovely psychologist. I am so happy that he was able to express how he felt and that he realises he can have some help.

My kids are young, I encourage them to talk about how they feel, to be kind, and how others might feel. With my 4 year old, books are helpful.

I tell my children to remember that, whatever happens during their day, the sun will always go down on it and they will be tucked up in bed. I also teach them not to respond to anything negative on social media because silence is always better than a swirling vortex of negativity and spite. I teach them little scripts, like, "I'm not enjoying this awkwardness" so they can extricate themselves politely from situations. I teach them that they deserve to be happy and that they are not responsible for the happiness of others so they don't have a weight of expectation on them when their friends are sad (which seems to be all the time). I have really clear (fair) boundaries so they know what is allowed and what is not so grey areas can't be exploited, and I stick to these so we all know where we stand. I wish I could teach them to stand up for themselves a bit more, though; they are fed up with classmates ruining lessons.

For me the main thing is always allowing dd to express her anger. When I think of all the mental health problems I've had, at the root of them all is the fact I turn my anger in on myself instead of expressing it. So I never suggest that anger is bad. Also I am trying to teach her to be assertive and, to use a mumsnet phrase: no is a complete sentence.

We talk about how resting and giving yourself time to recover is not the same as being lazy. The pace even of children's lives can be frenetic, with clubs and classes. Whilst these provide so many opportunities, it's easy to find yourselves suddenly rushing from thing to thing. Time to rest is just as important.

I talked to my six year old about emotional bandwidth. I explained that it is like having £1 to spend and once it is spent there is no more left and that's when people (mummy!) get irritated and snappy. We talked about how sleep and exercise and good diet can increase how resilient you are (how stretchy your Stretch Armstrong is) to stress and how baby crying increases cortisol and makes mummy stressed, like a steam engine. I believe children can understand a lot more than we appreciate, especially if you relate it to something they already understand. And I don't see why we can't use big words like cortisol, resilience etc... If they can say Tyrannosaurus Rex...!

I always encourage my children to be open. One of my children had recently become anxious at bedtime so we’ve all been practicing mindfulness at bedtime which has been good for us all.

I always tell my two to never bottle things up. Always talk. We will never judge, always be on their side. I tell them if I'm feeling tired, a bit sad (missing my sister), etc to try and normalise feelings. We take long walks to clear our heads. Blowing away cobwebs can do wonders.

I do. It's been a feature throughout their upbringing (both now late teens). I don't mean I've made a big deal of it but I'm hyperaware of it as I grew up with a depressive father who flew into constant rages and we were all on eggshells. I have suffered very serious depression for a lot of my adult life and have made it one of my biggest missions to protect my children from my illness so they aren't tainted by it.
We talk every day - just a general chick check in on good day/bad day. If they are feeling low we discuss why, and they know the difference between feeling down because something has happened (exclusion form social event, bad marks in exam, run in with teacher etc) and low mood for no reason.
IWe've discussed self care. When DS2 has low mood for no reason he knows to have a warm bath, take some exercise, eat fresh veg, watch kitten videos and comedies, listen to uplifting music, go for a long walk in nature etc - all the strategies that can just fend off depression before it takes hold.
It's interesting. He often asks for long walks in pretty places, and I think that's his way of keeping depression at bay as he has inherited it biologically but without the neglect that makes it so difficult to tackle.

If I know of something coming which might affect the dc, I think how to raise it and what will happen after. They are different and manage stress differently so it's not simple.

I make sure I am managing the stress myself and how I will manage theirs too.

If it's a surprise event then first response is the same as for shock. They tak it through with me or dh as well, then we regroup once we have had a think. We encourage them to think what to do next, consequences, managing short term stress.

They know they can talk to us, or a teacher. They also know their aunt is a go to person and she knows too.

They have a notebook to write things down in, and we review it. things like falling out with a friend, being hopeless at art etc - how to manage these things.

Social media or anti social media as I call it - they aren't allowed on it and we discourage it except for education and what's on. It's not a time filler in place of chatting with us or friends. We don't use it for anything else either.

We have baselines on behaviour and expectations from themselves and others, so they know if something feels wrong and can avoid trouble and stress. Red flags - a bit of self awareness and knowing how to disengage yourself quickly.

Place marking

yes its apriority, i always make sure that they know that they need to look after themselves, by raking time iot read, to make a cake, or watch a film they like. I also try to encourage them to talk about their day.

The short answer would be a certain yes. In our family we take our emotional wellbeing as well as our general wellbeing very seriously so its something that is often openly spoken of. Its important for them to know and understand that we all need to express ourselves and that holding things in is never healthy.

Yes! It’s become very important in our house with the pressures of school. I’m constantly checking on how my daughter’s feeling and that she’s ok

We talk about how she feels but I think it's a bit early for more. Given my parents never discussed it with me it's been interesting reading this thread as I don't think I'd know where to start otherwise anyway

Talking about feelings in general is always a good thing, asking them how they feel so that they can think about it. But also asking them and talking to them about how other people might feel helps them learn about empathy and understanding. My son has always talked to me openly and comfortably about anything.

Yes, even adults need to be able to express their emotions. It's no different for children.
I ask them often to tell me if they have any questions or need to talk about anything. They know they can talk to me about anything.

I've always been there for my children and we talk openly about everything, if they're in a bad mood etc., i ask them to express their emotions by writing it down, then we talk over what's the problem, i find it's more easier for them to write it down and they can identify what's going on in their mind.

Yes as i'd like to build a level of trust where they can come to me for anything.

Absolutely and I think it is extremely important that we do! I was lucky enough to attend some parenting courses with work which encouraged this behavior, it was a great insight to see how much communication can help your child. If I feel I need to talk to my kids about something important we always go for a walk. it helps open up conversations and takes away any awkwardness for the child. For instance my daughter was abit upset with a friend at school (and this issue was very important to her) so we went out and talked about it. She asked me if how she reacts is normal...I was amazed she is worried about being normal at such a young age but after me reassuring her she felt better. Also my toddler has many melt downs as they do and we have a safe spot in the house where you can react how you like, cry, shout if your angry etc it helps him recongise his feelings and teaches him how to cope with them. All this helps their mental wellbeing and knowing they can come to you (and it will be taken seriously) is very important, stop what your doing, give them eye contact and your full attention.

Yes absolutely we try to keep everything in the open and regularly remind both of ours that when it comes to how they feel there is no right or wrong and that they can talk to us about anything. We can tell, especially with our eldest when there's something nagging at him so we try and get him to open up without pressuring him.

I openly encourage DD to speak freely about how shes feeling emotionally, as one small thing can esculate into something huge. From a young age we have tried to teach her that actions have consequences and words can hurt, so choose what you do and say wisely as you don't know how other people are feeling.