Mumsnet users share their experience of their child moving up to secondary school with O2

[EllieMumsnet]

NOW CLOSED

Sending your children off to secondary school can feel like a milestone in your child's life and a big step as a parent. It's likely also a time where your child is seeking more independence, leading you to wonder "is it alright to...?" on a regular basis. With this in mind, O2 would like to hear about your experience or concerns about your child moving up to secondary school.

Here’s what O2 has to say: “#IsItAlright to let them use a tablet at breakfast? We hear you. Parenting is full of #IsItAlright questions, challenges and dilemmas. That’s why we’ve launched O2 Family, to bring advice, safety tools and kid-friendly offers to parents across the UK. We don’t pretend to have all the answers. But hopefully we make it a little easier to navigate the everyday messy magic of family life."

September will see a whole new start for loads of kids around the country and parents have to adjust too. Whether you're about to do it, or remember it well, how do you cope with your child making the move to secondary school? Are you giving them the independence of doing their homework without reminding them? Perhaps you’re debating whether the move to secondary school is a good time for them to get a smartphone? How have you changed the rules to give them more independence while keeping them safe? And how are you handling the emotional side of seeing them all grown up (yet still your baby)?

Share your experience or concerns with O2 in the comments below and you could be in with the chance to win a £300 voucher for the store of your choice (from a list).

Thanks and good luck!
MNHQ

Insight Terms and Conditions apply

Not been through this with my DC yet but experienced it via my nephew.
It seemed like a big step. He took.himself to & from school (via bus), had his own money, and got his first phone.
He settled in amazingly, not fazed at all!
I think parents (or aunties!) probably worry much more than the kids do!

Mine had an easy transition, despite not knowing anyone before the July transition day. Had started school in a primary school of 700 students, so the size of the secondary school was not a problem. Has thrived socially and was more than ready for the step up.

We were so lucky as the primary is closely linked to our local secondary so DD had lots of visits before hand that really helped calm any fears she had. She also met the older kids who would be helping them all find their way around on the first week.

My youngest son shares the same birthday as me......and when filling in the form for him to go to secondary school I inadvertently put my year of birth instead of his! Someone rang me from the local authority and said he was too old to go to school.

I thought it would be an easy transition for one of my children and was wrong. I thought it would be challenging for the other child and I was wrong again.

The one who I expected to take it in her stride found it overwhelming and daunting at first. She needed lots of support and early nights, but she got there in the end and making good friends made it all easier. We encouraged new friendships by inviting friends over as often as they wanted.

The one who I thought would struggle really managed well and it took me completely by surprise! It was great for her confidence.

I worried about my DS starting Year 7 for months but he took to secondary school like a duck to water! It helps that the school are brilliant at communicating with parents and his personal tutor will always go the extra mile to provide any support that has been required.

DD is about to start Year 7 and I only hope she copes as well and makes new friends quickly!

My son is due to start secondary school next week and I hope he will love it, he did a transition fortnight in July and seemed to find it far more interesting than junior school. He is not the most pro-active person and needs prodding so I am worried about him taking on more responsibility and having to do things for himself, because he is literally a nightmare like that. I also worry about other kids as my son is a little overweight and sadly, 4 of his closest friends are all off to another secondary school so he will only be with a couple of his friends, however, he seemed to love the people in his trial class and so fingers crossed he will be fine. My biggest niggle about senior school is the cost of the uniform, so much more expensive as the blazers cost a fortune and he requires quite a few items that can only be bought through one supplier rather than me being able to shop around and buy stuff from supermarket clothing depts as previously was the case.

My two son's both found the transition easy,most of their friends from Primary school went with them.They found it a bit harder to get up earlier as the new school was further away but they soon ajusted

My eldest has just started. Leaving primary was by far the most emotional part of parenting so far but seeing how ready he’s been to move on made it easier.

There are good transition arrangements put in place including 2 full days in high school and so far anyway he’s loving it and has taken it all in his stride.

My son is just about to start year 8, I think the biggest thing we did was to help him be organised, so homework always in on time, planner updated, it’s a big change going from junior to secondary give them time to settle in, my sons biggest worry was getting lost, he did actually go to a wrong lesson & realised half was through he was in the wrong place

Executive function is definitely an important thing to cultivate. A lot of kids really rise to the challenge, though, I think because nowadays secondary school is the first taste of freedim they’ve ever had.

I have two sons at secondary school. The thing I have noticed is that they have each dealt with the stress of the transition in different ways. Elder son, who I had no worries about in terms of friends and fitting in, became a bit of a troublemaker and it took him some time to get a stable set of good friends and stop trying to impress by being the bad boy. Now he is doing GCSEs in subjects he likes, he is much calmer.

Younger son is brighter academically but very shy and easily upset. He has really struggled with the strict rules, although he’s never once been in trouble, and just the overwhelming nature of a large school. He became severely anxious and has had counselling but his head of house has also been wonderful at taking him under her wing. I found it really helps to get a good rapport with a member of staff you and your child trusts.

My son went to a very small junior school and then a huge secondary school, but both schools handled the transition very well and he was very excited

Not as bad as you think if they are moving up with friends. We talked about it lots and answered any worries that were there.

I was lucky when my DS started HS as we had recently moved from abroad and his best friend had moved to the same place a fe wmonths before - this meant that he had someone else who was also heading to the same school at the same time.

The hardest part for both my kids was taking control of their own admin - but this is a massive must! They need to learn how to manage their own time and ensure they have everything needed as these are massive life skills

Once my eldest started high school I let him have a mobile phone, just because he was catching the bus to and from school and could contact me if any problems. I will be giving my other son one too when he starts next year.

It's a whole new world of stuff to think about, we have got the first mobile phone as whilst they will be walking in a group it is reassuring to know that we are only a phone call away if needed

Moving up with friends can be a two edged sword.
Sometimes those friends who were lovely at primary want to break away from their old friends for the excitement of the new. This can involve them being pretty nasty to their old friends to try and impress the new or to see them off.

Please encourage your children at all times, but particularly at the start of year 7, to have an open mind about all the children in their form. Especially the ones who seem to be making no effort to try and make friends. A simple "come and sit with us at lunch" can make a huge difference to a shy child who doesn't want to push themselves in.

The biggest thing for us was the exhaustion. A 50 minute bus ride there and back plus a longer day meant my ds was so tired that some days he crawled up the stairs to bed as soon as he got in! It didn't last long, but I had no idea he'd be that tired.

He came home after the first day and I joked, " So I suppose it was terrible?" expecting him to say it was great. But he didn't. They put all of his friends from primary into one class and him in a different class. School life was tough that first year.

ive had 2 children already move on to high school and i think with both of them i was more nervous than my children!! The biggest challenge i find is letting them take the journey on themselves

I agree the moving up with lots of friends thing can be a double edged sword.

My dd moved up with no-one. I thought it wouldn't matter but I did - at first. She found it hard to break into little former village primary friendship groups. She joined some clubs and grew a thick skin. She started to make friends at Drama club.

Then around Easter all the friendship groups seemed to be fighting and falling out as they found they wanted to move in, find new groups of people etc. Luckily dd was on the outside of this looking in.

I have friends and relatives who are Secondary School Teachers and they it always happens every year around the same time.

Dd will now be going into Y9. Her friendships are still always slightly shifting, but she's never fallen out with anyone.
We have a family saying of "its nice to be nice" and as long as no-one is being horrible or walking all over Dd it has stood her in good stead so far.

Ds is about to go up with only 1 friend and he's in a completely different form to him. I'm trying to relax, but I know there will be the odd 'angsty' day ahead.
The first 6 months are tough I think.

We've now managed the transition of two of our three boys up to secondary school. With our eldest, I thought it would be plain sailing as he is very confident and outgoing. He ended up going up to secondary with about eight friends from his primary school and, after a great start, really began to miss his friends who had gone to a different school. This was really hard and just at the point when we were thinking about changing schools, he began to settle and build on the new friendships he'd begun to establish. He's just starting Year 11 now and has a solid group of friends and is starting (I say, starting) to focus on what's ahead of him this year.

When our middle son, who is much quieter and a bit of a science geek, started I was really worried and hoped that he would find his people. He loved it from the first day and was so proud when he came home with his 'prefect' badge. He has gained so much in confidence and having to find his way to his lessons and take a little more responsibility has been great for him, rather than having mum or dad or his big brother sorting things out.

Our youngest is just about to start Year 6 and I'm keeping an open mind and staying relaxed about things. I think it can be a harder transition for us, it's very strange to go from a primary school which feels like a bit of an extended family where you know what is going on day to day with your child to having a more distant, stepped back, relationship with school. All you can do is stay positive, listen, support and encourage and let go (just a little bit!).

I think in reality we worry more than the children do. Mine went from been taken every day to taking 2 buses and leaving an hour earlier to a school where she knew no one , they seem to cope fine. Talk to them find , find out what is worrying them, and talk them through it.. a phone is always peace of mind for everyone.

Unfortunately, my DD missed 4 years of school due to a chronic illness. Fortunately most parents won't have to endure this.