Share the secret lives you’ve imagined for your neighbours with Sky Cinema - £300 voucher to be won NOW CLOSED

[JustineBMumsnet]

Though you live closely to each other, it’s possible that you know very little about your neighbours other than how terrible their parking is. But, that doesn’t stop you imagining what might be going on inside their walls. Inspired by their premiering of Keeping Up With the Joneses, starring Isla Fisher, John Hamm and Gal Gadot Sky Cinema would like to hear about the funny rumours you’ve heard about or the secret lives you’ve imagined for your neighbours (past or present).

Here’s what Sky Cinema has to say: “Sky Cinema makes it easy to find something you want to watch by showing a New movie Premiere every single day of the year. This summer there is a fantastic range of movies perfect for movie date night in from Keeping Up with the Joneses, to Allied to Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find them.

So, whether you’re convinced that the woman at the end of the road is MI5, you have some inventive theories about why the neighbours leave the house so early on a Sunday, or you’re a curtain twitcher who treats the neighbour’s lives like entertainment, share your stories below to be entered into a prize draw where one MNer will win a £300 John Lewis voucher.

Thanks and good luck!

MNHQ

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Ours all have little nicknames based on the contents of their glass recycling boxes:

The aquaphobics- nothing but instant coffee jars
The sophisticated alcoholics - hundreds of red wine bottles
The miserable parents- loads of calpol bottles

Our neighbour is a doctor who spends a large amount of time in the shed at the bottom of his garden, including at night. As he keeps hens and tropical birds, I am convinced he is some kind of Dr Frankenstein, grafting bits of different animals onto each other.

Where we live we have a neighbour who we have labelled the village voice. Facts are never important to a story and she has told us everything from one set of neighbours are in police protection programme and that another neighbour ran off with a lap dancer (she categorically did not) as a result there's absolutely no need for us to fabricate any secret lives!!! Although my ndn and I sometimes fantasise about running away to join the circus to escape the whinging kids

I have a fairly elderly female neighbour who has a regular gentleman caller. She's extremely glamorous and I often imagine the exciting life she probably leads!

We definitely have a ' Keeping up with the Joneses ' living in our cul de sac. We buy a new mower - he buys a ride on. She gets a new car every year which always has a few certain letters in the registration to include her name . When they actually chat it always includes antidotes about the golf club, that hubby is current president of such and such club, that she was p.a. to the high flying director of her place of work and her wonderful grown children are at the top of their profession. Oh and less not forgot the highly intelligent grandchildren.

We are in an end house and in our heads the next door neighbour is a serial.killer. type person. He saws and hammers late into the night - digging holes in the garden. Im sure theres a perfectly reasonable explanation - however the only other one i can come up with is that hes been instructed to build an ark by the big man upstairs

We're next door to a shared house. And I'm convinced they're spies. They've broken the back fence so they can sneak in and out whenever they want.
If we go out into our garden and they're in theirs they immediately stop talking and stand like statues. We go out the front door and they suddenly dive inside.
We hear them speaking but whenever we say hello they look at us like we've got three heads.
Must be spies or undercover!!!

When we moved in we were convinced ours were swingers. They had people coming and going and seemed the type. However the lack of pampas grass combined with a number of years of getting to know them, we were so wrong!

However our old neighbours were devoutly religious (JW) - had people round singing round the guitar etc. We built up a picture of their lives as being all happy clappy. We were sorely mistaken - the husband was a seriously dodgy sort!

When we moved in we were convinced ours were swingers. They had people coming and going and seemed the type. However the lack of pampas grass combined with a number of years of getting to know them, we were so wrong!

However our old neighbours were devoutly religious (JW) - had people round singing round the guitar etc. We built up a picture of their lives as being all happy clappy. We were sorely mistaken - the husband was a seriously dodgy sort!

I imagine my next door neighbour to be an argumentative, lying, egg throwing, petty, vindictive bitch. Oh hang on, it's true....

I think next door is a serial killer - he's a very quiet creepy middle aged guy who lives alone and plays tinkly music box style music in the early hours of the morning
But he keeps himself to himself, his garden is lovely, he lets me use his black bin when there's no room in mine and he never moans that we're too noisy

My neighbours are a young married couple. He left in the middle of the night at 3am once and she didn't leave the house or open her curtains for a week! I was convinced she was dead but lo and behold he eventually came back and she began opening the curtains again.

love a good neighbours thread!

We have swingers up the road too. We're sure that car keys go into a bowl at their parties fortunately we've never had an invite to one....

The bloke across the road only opens his curtains once a month and has a penchant for battered old cars which he leaves in the drive for months which he never drives then they mysteriously disappear.

Not opening the curtains much seems to be a thing!!

We actually talk to our current neighbours and they're all reassuringly normal.

But in our old flat we had three neighbours on our floor: Sausage Face, Punto Woman and, er, Neil.

Sausage Face had a gigantic white fluffy cat in a one bed apartment on the 13th floor. He also worked nights. I believe he is some sort of Bond villain.

Punto Woman had a boyfriend who was very over invested in the African Cup of Nations. I like to believe that he was a Nigerian prince and they met when he emailed her about needing to deposit a squillion pounds in her account urgently.

Neil was a man after my own heart. Like clockwork, he would return at 8pm three nights a week in his sweaty gym kit, holding both a takeaway pizza AND a burger, despite living alone. His alarm in the morning was so loud that I went round there one day and banged on the door. When he opened it, his pyjamas were covered in baked beans. Neil is clearly a professional competitive eater.

Thinking about it I do miss that flat.

There is a man and a woman who live next door to us.....or is there?

Sometimes I see a man leave the house. Sometimes I see a woman leave the house. I have never seen them together at the same time...

So, they are obviously the same person, and Gary likes to go out as Sandra every now and again.

I have a neighbour who has the same name as a member of the royal family and I imagine her and her husband and children live like royals!

Mine redecorate their house from top to bottom every two years.

They're very naice.

But I hear her shouting at her kids all the time. And the husband has secrets.

I know that they ask around other neighbours to find out more about us.

We are the strange and unusual neighbours. I quite like the air of mystery!

My next door neighbour is a recently retired lady who lives by herself in a 4 bed house. She has her blinds closed all the time and I see her about once a month...I wonder if she is a bit of a hermit or if she just really loves living in the dark. Really strange!!

Having just moved into a new build estate no body knows anyone but it is funny watching people trying to make small talk. I tried to convince myself Thatour direct neighbour was burying money in the garden as he was always digging up random patches of newly laid turf. In reality I think his dog keeps weeing and killing the grass and he is trying to save it but that's not such a glamourous story!!

People near us have pampas grass outside and I think they're swingers. A few doors up from them is another house (no pampas grass) where I also think there are swingers (bit of a theme here) but significant age differences between the 2 swinging houses so I doubt they swing together. I can't be wrong on both I'm sure!
Next door we have a rock star. Not actually but an 18 year old who spends every waking hour he's at home roaring and growling rock songs. He's awful bless him but he has practised hard for the last 3 or 4 years. I keep imagining we'll see him on the X Factor bloopers one year

The man across the road from us washes his car more than he appears to actually use it, always while wearing a white vest. We call him Bruce Willis
We think he must be a hit-man or something and the obsession with car washing is due to having to hide any forensic evidence of his dirty deeds.

Small village so we know most of our neighbours.
I do think the man 3 doors down is some kind of spy though.
Parish Council, Neighbourhood Watch, MI6.

I'm on a small cul-de-sac of bungalows, HA so we all have health problems.

Rather than make up stories for the neighbours we do it for the cats. Next door have five, I have one and there are frequent visits to Norman from other cats in the area.

The visitors include 'half ear' and 'hoppy' hoppy has only three legs, when they are together with another cat they are, 'the last paw' and deliver comedy about the weeks events.

Bastard cat is just that, he lets himself in to people's houses to steal their cat's food. He is probably trying to be a cat burglar but he announces his entry through he window with little chirrups!

Misty is the boss cat, no one is quite sure why as she is the smallest and often cons humans into feeding her by pretending to be a stray kitten (she is 7).

They all go about their kitty business and some are in training for the kitty Olympics, events include: best snoozing, most artistic mad minutes, string chasing, uppy downy walking on fences and cat chess.

Separate post because this is my carer's neighbour.

This is a tower block and 3 floors below him is, 'shouty man', he obviously has some mental health issues which is not funny but some of the things he shouts are funny.

eg
Everyone wanted to call me father, even Zeus wanted to call me father (paus) Father of Rome.

God decided there should be only one God in the world and that God is the Catholic God. This was followed by some ramblings about how he can satisfy 'all women' except, 'those religious women, I can't do anything for them'

All this is shouted from a balcony at no one in particular although sometimes a woman seems to reply to him from a different balcony, it's not clear what they are saying.

It is possible the 'shouty man' persona is some deep cover for an MI6 operative and these are coded messages being transmitted for some reason.

Our nearest neighbours up the road are robots posing as humans

They are up running and cycling at 5am, working all day, organising community events, building an extension, growing all their own food, raising livestock....

We know better though. They plug themselves in at night to recharge and don't have to eat/sleep/feel emotions so they can just keep going all day and night!