Talk to MNHQ about the practicalities of labour – £50 voucher prize draw

[MichelleMumsnet]

In the run up to BumpFest (which we’re VERY excited about we’re looking to get a better understanding of the experiences Mumsnetters have had around different issues surrounding childbirth.

You can read every book under the sun, attend every class going, but nothing every quite matches up to experiencing labour for yourself. That’s why we’d be interested to hear from Mumsnetters who have been there, done that and bought the t-shirt (after getting meconium on it, obviously)

Following on from another thread we ran, we’d like to ask you about the practicalities of labour.
How did it compare with what you expected? Did you feel you knew how to push during labour? Did your natural instict take over, or did your natural instinct have to be coaxed out by a midwife?

As they say, hind sight is 20/20 - so is there anything you wish you would have known in advance which would have helped you know how to deal with the practicalities of being in labour?

We know that everyone’s birthing experience is different, but we would love to hear your story to uncover what the different misconceptions and struggles are around labour.

Everyone who shares their thoughts on this thread will be entered into a prize draw to win a £50 John Lewis voucher.

Thanks,

MNHQ

My labour was long but ok. I had a water birth on the local midwife unit and it was as lovely as such an experience can be. My clearest memory was that it was a heat wave so this had two unexpected consequences...random people coming in to the room to see me who were clearly just there as it was the only room with air con and sunburnt thighs getting into the hot water bath was the most awful pain of the whole thing!
Things that shocked me were the size of the placenta (it was like a disgusting piece of liver!), how a baby could arrive through contractions and how despite reassurances from friends beforehand I was never in the zone enough to not notice someone scooping my poo!
Finally I think I realise how lucky I am to have had a normal delivery, it makes me worried for the next one

With my first I did some very popular antenatal classes Although they told you about labour, they didn't really explain or suggest what you could do to help it or cope with it. Everything was focussed on Pain. I went into labour expecting lots of pain and having to have epidural as I'm a wimp because everything was medicalised.

I was wrong. Even though I was having contractions for 52 hours (!) I didn't find it 'painful', no where near the pain I was expecting. I was really calm and collected and only had 3 hours on gas and air in the birthing pool. I didn't have the urge to push but my midwife told me I was ready... knowing what I do now I don't think I was. I pushed for a little over an hour. The only bit that hurt was when his head popped out.

With my 2nd it was a doddle. 7 hours from start to finish. Breathed through it all, ate pie and chips between contractions at home, got to hospital, whilst they ran the birthing pool I did my hair and had a laugh with the midwives. Got in the birthing pool at around 11:35 which is when I started using the gas and air. at 11:55 I automatically changed position and 3 contractions later at 11:59 I had my baby in my arms. I can't even describe how amazing that labour was.

Through both births I have never Torn, never had stitches and have been out within 7 hours.

I do have to second what someone said about the Piles (only suffered after my 1st birth as I pushed too hard when I obviously wasn't ready).... Having a poo was more painful than giving birth to my boy!

It was bloody painful, but mercifully quick. From the moment I was taken to the delivery room to the moment I held my daughter was just over an hour, after an afternoon spent with manageable contractions.

No time for any drugs, except gas and air which I hated, but this at least meant I could feel when my daughter was on her way - painful, but an incredible feeling so I didn't mind by that point.

I didn't really make a decision to push - it was an overwhelming physical urge that just didn't make sense to fight!

I haven't had any DC myself, but I did help to deliver my nephew on my sister's bathroom floor about 20 mins after contractions kicked in. The 999 operator was brilliant, keeping me calm enough to help my sister and the paramedics arrived just in time. There are things you need to know, like opening the front door so that the paramedics can get into the house, washing your hands and not touching the baby before it's totally out that might be good additions to 1st aid courses, because those things could easily be overlooked in the panic of a quick, unplanned homebirth!

Labour for me was the easiest part of my awful pregnancy having suffered from hyperemesis gravidarium in both first and third trimesters. I found it to be less painful than I expected having been told it would feel like a ring of fire when my dc's head came through. Natural instinct took over in that I knew when I was ready to push. I'd been told by an aunt to push like I was constipated and that in hand with the panting as told by the midwife helped me greatly.

In hindsight I wish I had an idea of how fast/quick it could be as I'd expected to be in there for at least 24hrs but had dc in less than 30 mins after being admitted to the labour unit. I also wish I had an idea how messy it would get. Being our first, I packed all these nice clothes that ended up in the bin as dh had no idea how to wash things.

The pain was horrendous but if that was all I had to cope with I might have managed. My labour slowed down because I didn't imagine as the contractions grew harder and stronger I'd have my head over the toilet/hospital sick bowl violently throwing up even when I had nothing left to throw up!
I thought I'd be a screamer but all I wanted was to be left alone in a dark place and be quiet. When it came to pushing I remember the midwife saying 'get angry, make a noise, it helps you push'. Mmmm, I pushed so hard I tore through to my anus without making any noises.
This was my first labour. And I initially wanted a home birth! So glad the midwife gently talked me I to going to hospital. Stupidly I thought that women do this all the time, it's a means to an end. It's natural and my body would know what to do. It might have done had my stomach not decided to throw its own tantrum.

my natural instinct was fab till interfered with. i went all the way to waters breaking and 5 min gap contractions before realising i was in labour - went about my business the whole day just feeling restless and like i constantly needed to shift around and sit in different positions.

i arrived at hospital in the middle of the night with them rolling their eyes at a first time labourer who was probably there too early and seemed quite surprised when they examined me and found how far along i was.

my labour was going really well and i was doing what i needed to do and was ready to push when they couldn't get the mobile monitor to work and wanted me to lay on my back to use another one, i was kneeling up holding onto the top of the bed and knew i shouldn't move, i was in the right place. if i had my time again i'd have resisted their pushing me to turn over and gotten on with it but i caved and rolled over and immediately ds went into distress and the whole thing went tits up to put it crudely and i had a roomful of hcps and went through hell with repeated failed attempts at a ventouse (sp) delivery, episiotomy and eventually forceps.

the next mistake i made was allowing them to take me to theatre for episiotomy repair under spinal block (which they bodged and i had to have secondary repairs under block at a later date). i was so shaky i did as i was told taking me away from my baby and as it was a busy day there was no room on HDU and i was returned to the delivery room and left there with a full spinal block unable to attempt breastfeeding my 3.5wk early son, no assistance and even when the block wore off they were too busy to send someone to remove my cathetar so i was still stuck there till late evening before getting to a maternity ward.

i don't know what advice this equates to because in the thick of it it is so hard to be assertive and do what you know your body wants to do and once you've been through traumatic (and bloody painful) interventions you are so shaky with adrenaline and fear that it's hard to think straight enough to make decisions about what you want next. i would say don't go to theatre for a repair - it takes you away from your baby, it interupts breastfeeding (we ended up stuck in hospital for 5 days as ds' blood sugar would not rise as he was early plus the delayed start in feeding - couldn't even try until 12hrs later) and if you don't get the proper care and support afterwards you're left paralysed from upper back down and can't even hold your baby safely.

tbh if i ever had another birth (and i won't be - too old and single) i would go for a home birth.

yeah i think that is my main lesson - whilst keeping an open mind that you may not be able to have a homebirth due to health or complications i'd have that as the default starting plan.

you can do and be where you need to be, you can follow your instincts in your own home in a way that is harder once you're shut in a little white room surrounded by 'experts', you can be in a familiar place where you feel more confident and unless a real emergency happens the consultants and their trigger happy interventions are held at bay. also once the baby is born you're at home - you don't have to deal with being unlucky to give birth on their busiest day of the year or bed shortages or luck of the drawer what staff are on that night and whether they're kind or not. you're there in your own home.

I didn't expect my waters to break without contractions, so wasn't prepared for that. The fact I wasn't prepped for that didn't make a difference but I also didn't expect it to be 36 hours later that I would deliver. Difficult. Epidural helped!

How did it compare with what you expected?
My labour care was nothing like I expected (it was actually deemed negligent by the health watchdog and my hospital got fined)
I was booked in at a Trust that was under 'special measures' for poor care and would advise any mother under a special measures trust to book elsewhere if possible, after all it didn't get placed on special measures for no reason.
I was induced but then confined to a bed on my back on monitor for my entire labour (unnecessarily).
My baby was breech, no one had noticed. The ward was busy so I was pretty much left to it (until it all went wrong at the end)

Did you feel you knew how to push during labour?
I never got that 'body taking over' urge that some women have, my epidural meant I couldn't feel contractions well, my husband watched the monitor and told me when to push. I think I was pushing ok, but to be honest I'm not sure as I was so numb.

Did your natural instict take over, or did your natural instinct have to be coaxed out by a midwife?
Definitely no natural instinct I was pushing for almost 3 hours and exhausted as my breach baby hadn't budged. It wasn't coxed out by the midwife either. My baby was turned inside me and pulled out with ventouse within about 5 mins (after 3h pushing) as this was quicker than emcs (no theatre ready/available) and he was distressed.

Is there anything you wish you would have known in advance which would have helped you know how to deal with the practicalities of being in labour?
I wish I had known my 'rights', whether I could have demanded an early c section, or whether I could have asked to get a doctor to review me when I felt the midwife was failing.

Don't be a hero. No one will care how you did it, just that you did it.

Jelly babies. Water. Lip balm. Flannel. Music.

I don't think anyone can really know how they are going to react. I read all the books under the sun and was determined that with a positive attitude I could have a natural birth with just gas and air.
I the event was completely blindsided by the severity of the pain of my contractions and ended up with an EMCS.
I would always advise any mums to be to hope for the best but not to be disappointed if the reality doesn't match their expectations.

No one can describe or prepare you for the amount of pain that labour is. I was so frightened by the level of pain that I didn't manage contractions with ds1 at all. Turns out he was back to back, and one of the few who don't turn naturally. I had so much intervention that I was left like a rag doll, crying on the operating table prepped for a c section, legs in stirrups, when the consultant leaned over and hissed 'so you think I am pro intervention, do you?' And then took the scissors and cut my episiotomy. I have never felt more vulnerable and although I ended up with a live baby, it was not the experience I imagined in my worst nightmares. Had I accepted a c section when it was first suggested, all of that could have been avoided.

I just hoped that labour would be natural and that it would be straight forward and easy. I knew it was going to be painful, but I wanted to stay drug free. In my birth plan I said only gas and air only, no pethidine and no c section unless completely necessary.

I tried the gas and air and all it did was make my throw up everywhere, there was no mention of any other medication or pain relief.

In the end the labour took so long, my daughter was back to back, I was really tired after 32 plus hours of contractions I just couldn't push hard enough myself so they intervened with an episiotomy and ventouse. It did get to the point where I would have said yes to almost anything!!!

When it came to my second child I thought I was more prepared. I knew it was going to painful and I (stupidly) thought it would take almost as long. My contractions started in the evening, but they were quite fair apart and not that painful, around 11pm we decided to go to bed. They were a bit more frequent, but still bearable. Around midnight it was getting really painful, we rang the hospital and they said to come in. I still thought I had loads of time, so got hubby to ring his mum to come and watch my eldest.

By the time she arrived I was in full blown labour and in agony, my hubby panicked and rang for an ambulance. The crew managed to get me into the ambulance, my hubby was just about to get out to follow in his own car, but I screamed there was no time. He still tried, but I said "the head is coming!". The paramedic checked and within seconds the head was out, very shortly the baby was out. The time was 1.32am!! It was so quick, I just assumed it would be almost as long as the first- I was so wrong!! The midwife came to the house and we were allowed to go back into the house so I had all the comforts of home and none of the mess!!!

My labour started and then stopped. It began on a Saturday and I eventually gave birth early on Monday morning. I was unprepared for what happened and the whole thing was traumatic. I wanted pain relief but was talked out of it for a long time by the midwife. Eventually my son's heart rate showed he was getting distressed and I had to undergo a Caesarian section.

My first labour was induced, with epidural and drip. Nothing like I had planned, but actually very calm. My second labour was induced (already having contractions), given pethidine (which I really didn't want), was told that I wouldn't be doing anything until morning. 35 minutes later my son was born. It was so quick, I wasn't even in a labour room. Midwife didn't believe me when I said I needed to push, it was the strongest feeling. Through the drug fog I vividly remember her telling me that I couldn't push as she had her hand stuck - maybe she should have believed me that baby was there :) If I had number 3 (not), I would stick to my guns about what I didn't want, regardless of what they told me. You can have a labour plan, but don't expect to stick to it.

Out of three births I wasn't encouraged to follow my natural instinct in the first one and things quickly started going wrong. in the second two I felt more confident about what I was doing and what I wanted to happen. I listened to my body and births 2 and 3 were very positive experiences.

I think it is so hard with the first one when you have no idea what to expect and I think a lot of it is pot luck as to what caregivers you end up with and how supportive they are in guiding you through.

Natural instincts took over but I told myself that it was happening whether I wanted it to or not! There's definitely a 'mode' which you switch in to - frequently known as 'get this thing out of me!'.

I also got cramp in both legs and ended up having them stretched by my husband and the midwife whilst pushing...!

I wanted to be on all fours and in the nude which was such a surprise because, believe me, I am not a primal sort of girl, I'm a bit of a prude normally. I found it extremely painful and seemed to have each contraction one after the other without the slow built up. I moaned and made unexpected sounds but felt consumed by the experience, I knew what to do but frankly found it to be quite a barbaric process.

I don't think there is much anyone can say to advise another because there seems to be such variation between every woman's experience.

I didn't really find antenatal classes that helpful and it would have been better if they'd focussed on breathing techniques.

In general I found that my body did what it needed to do, although I did get to that point with my second baby where I thought "I'm not sure if I can do this" towards the end.

No one prepares you for the fact that it might not be like on TV - where you crush your partner's hand and he mops your brow and massages your back. I just wanted to be left alone to get on with it and deal with it in my own little zone and he felt a little bit like a spare part.

Do what your body says. Don't be scared. And rest if you can.

I think jsut listen to your body, and try to keep relaxed and go with what your body is telling you.

I think the clue is in the name. Labour means hard work.

All 4 times I had to be induced, my waters broken - the whole shebang. With my youngest I ended up with a C-Section. I don't feel any were natural to me, I had to be told to push, my body didn't feel ready, I would have love to have gone into labour naturally once and gone with my instincts.

I was flexible with my birth plan and that really helped.