Talk to MNHQ about the practicalities of labour – £50 voucher prize draw

[MichelleMumsnet]

In the run up to BumpFest (which we’re VERY excited about we’re looking to get a better understanding of the experiences Mumsnetters have had around different issues surrounding childbirth.

You can read every book under the sun, attend every class going, but nothing every quite matches up to experiencing labour for yourself. That’s why we’d be interested to hear from Mumsnetters who have been there, done that and bought the t-shirt (after getting meconium on it, obviously)

Following on from another thread we ran, we’d like to ask you about the practicalities of labour.
How did it compare with what you expected? Did you feel you knew how to push during labour? Did your natural instict take over, or did your natural instinct have to be coaxed out by a midwife?

As they say, hind sight is 20/20 - so is there anything you wish you would have known in advance which would have helped you know how to deal with the practicalities of being in labour?

We know that everyone’s birthing experience is different, but we would love to hear your story to uncover what the different misconceptions and struggles are around labour.

Everyone who shares their thoughts on this thread will be entered into a prize draw to win a £50 John Lewis voucher.

Thanks,

MNHQ

[TheHouseatWhoCorner]

The hardest part was convincing the midwives on the antenatal ward that I really needed to get to the labour ward. I later found out that I was being held back because the labour ward was full.
Of course, that meant that there weren't any anesthetists free to give me an epidural.
Gas and air was all that was available, but it didn't do much good.
Labour and pushing came naturally with a few reminders.
The next shock I had was that I had assumed I'd have time to get to know my baby before I had to start again with the afterbirth. No such luck. And then the stitches.
It felt an age before DD and I could relax together. By which time I was feeling quite detached from her

[Nouseforausername]

I tried to be really relaxed about labour in a whatever happens happens way. epidural to control my blood pressure, go for it. baby changed his mind about coming out you need a section. bring it on. we need to pump you full of stuff cause now your blood pressure bottomed out as long as we are both ok at the end kf it thats fine:)

[AndHarry]

My first labour was induced and I refused to give up my hard-won epidural so I was completely reliant on the midwife - and then registrar - telling me when to push. The second time around I knew when to push but didn't want to ahem, pass anything else, so got told off by the midwife for only pretending

[boptanana]

For both my labours I was worried about getting sent back home so first one was 6cm when I got to the hospital and for the second was fully dialated and only just made it into the delivery suite before my baby arrived. The first one I think I pushed too early as felt I should be ready but second one realised what it should feel like.

[thestylethatdecadesforgot]

I was really worried about managing the pain as I am such a wimp. So I did a lot of reading up about the science of labour and what is happening during each stage and during contractions which helped me feel positive about the pain, that it was accomplishing something, rather than a negative, out of control pain that was happening to my body, say from an injury. It was certainly the most painful thing I have ever done, but it was in the end totally manageable and not frightening for me, so it was sort of better than I anticipated.

For my first two labours I coincidentally had the same senior midwife and she was very calm and didn't say much or interfere which helped me feel like everything was under control and there was no need to panic. As others have said, she wasn't in the room much, which actually made me feel like there was nothing to worry about because If there was she would be there, if that makes sense!

With my first, the midwife asked me a couple of times if I felt like I needed a poo and I thought what an odd thing to ask! I said no the first time and then the second time I said yes, I do actually. She said ok, get on the bed then and I said shouldn't I go to the toilet? And she said no, that means you're ready to push. I said oh! But as soon as I was ready to push it really took over and I pushed with everything I had. My third labour I could actually feel the baby coming down and then bizarrely sliding back up a little! I put my hand there and felt her head appear and then go back up! Although I hadn't felt that before it helped me realise what each push was accomplishing and I wanted it over so it made me push more. It was strange, I felt like although pushing was an instinctive thing my body was doing, I also had control over it.

That you might actually do a poo if you're body hasn't cleared you out (ahem) before, which happened second time, I was soooo embarrassed.

Gas and air I couldn't get on with first time but as someone else said earlier, big yoga breaths in helped second and third time and a student midwife the second time kept telling me how important it was to breathe it out afterwards.

I was sick a number of times after labours two and three which was because it was so fast. But I have very sick pregnancies, with nausea and vomiting up to 6/7 months so I think I'm inclined that way!

Definitely the thing about going into yourself, I didn't make a sound with labours two and three. I didn't really expect to feel so quiet and calm during labour as I was apprehensive all the way through each pregnancy about actually labouring.

[SaltySeaBird]

I was terrified of labour but in reality I didn't need to be. Not because it wasn't painful, exhausting and scary but because in spite of that I coped. It was fine, my body did what it was meant to do.

I didn't really feel that I knew when to push, but when they asked me if I felt like it I just said yes as I was so fed up with it by then I just wanted to move onto the next stage.

My labour was very medical as I'm a diabetic and I wish I'd been better prepared for having to lie on my back (with a back to back labour). I had hopes of still being able to be quite active but in reality I was rigged up to too many things in a small space to make this practical.

[starlight36]

I had attended prenatal yoga classes and had intended to be active during my births. Both of my labours were very quick and I surprised myself by giving birth twice on the labour bed. With my DD I just instinctively wanted to be on the bed and with DS as he was big (4.54kilos) I needed an episiotomy. I did use the yoga breathing I'd learnt and didn't end up having any pain relief - mainly because everything happened very quickly.
With both births I didn't know any of the midwives ahead of going into the room. The staff were efficient but not v friendly. My DH was surprised that they were shouting instructions at me but I can't really remember much as seemed to go into a 'birthing zone'.

[CrewElla]

I wish I had trusted myself more. I felt things weren't progressing properly but listened to the MW team and ended up with an emcs after 17 hours of labour. Both my son and I were in distress and I should have listened to myself/advocated for myself sooner.

[KateOxford]

When I went into labour the first time I didn't realise and was looking up signs of labour on the internet. I found it relatively pain free and when I got to hospital was fully dilated and soon felt ready to push. I found it easy to know when to push although the midwives did help me with exactly where to push and I found it easier when they were helping me. It's like going to the gym on your own and going with a personal trainer, you work harder when they are looking.

The second time my labour was longer and this was unexpected, I thought second time was always quicker. I had to have a spinal block and so was told when to push although this was fine. I wish I hadn't have been so anti drugs from the influence of my yoga birth classes as I found myself feeling guilty for having them but it was a necessity as I was prepared for theatre and so had to have the spinal block. I wish I had taken more of everything like pads as had to stay in for a few days each time and kept having to send my husband off to get supplies.

[CaptainSinker]

I thought I would be calm and focused, silently, instinctively working my way through labour in harmony with my body, handling the inevitable pain with stoicism.

I cried, swore, cried, swore, cried, vomited, dug my nails in DP's hand and had an epidural.

[UseHerName]

nothing prepared me for how painful it was, I wouldnt do it again. ever

[fluffybunnies246]

We were told about the pain, and that 'some' people might be sick/have the runs. I did not expect to be throwing up with nearly every contraction for 12 hours, and thought maybe I wasn't in labour, maybe I was just ill. They said bring snacks, but what I really found useful (in subsequent labours) was dextrose tablets- instant energy whether you are puking or not! And no one told me that the injection to pass the placenta would also make you feel sick! Urgh. Bleurgh.

[lentilpot]

We took our own fan to the hospital, it was only a clip ok 9 inch thing but it was a real life saver on a sweaty ward!

[minipie]

DD born at 34 weeks

pain was manageable as long as lights were low, everyone shut up during a contraction, and I could count/ tap fingers (my coping mechanisms, culled from hypnobirthing book)

what I wasn't prepared for was 1) the fact that medical interventions would restrict my options so much - Iv antibiotics and need to monitor heartbeat meant I couldn't move around for example. 2) the fact that I would not physically be able to get DD out of the exit without help. she crowned for ages and I had to have an episiotomy in the end, even so she came out not breathing for a few minutes due to being stuck so long I am terrified the same will happen next time, especially with a bigger baby - am determined to get an episiotomy as soon as there is any sign of problems crowning (whereas before dd I was determined to avoid an epi)

I had a massive hospital bag packing list but wasn't packed yet, in the end I told DH to get about 5 items off the list and forget the rest. Other birth plan ideas like water birth and delayed cord clamping were out of the window for obvious reasons.

So I guess what this really shows is that before dd it was all about me and my birth experience, whereas post dd it is all about getting the baby out safely.

[PopPig]

I don't know if there is anything I wish I'd known in advance as such but I was definitely more.prepared for my second labour than my first.

My first was much much longer and more painful than I had anticipated. I wanted a water birth but was inly in for a few hours and hsd to get out with a high temp. Wanted to manage on gas and air but once out of the bath needed pethidine as I couldn't cope with the pain. Was made to give to birth on my back then in bed - not sure why- and I think I would've been beter on all fours. Wasn't prepared for vomiting or the fact I couldn't pee and ended up with a catheter. Also wasn't prepared for a retained placenta and a manual extraction- I hadn't considered much after the baby part!

Second time.was better as I knew how painful it would be and I knew to go with it and not fight against it. Natural instinct took over completely my body just expelled that baby itself! I was not at all prepared for the afterpains though which were horrendous.

[Aubasaurus]

I expected it to hurt more than I expected, if that makes sense, but I didn't expect the pain to all be in my back (it turned out DD was back to back). I did the clich of sobbing "I can't do it!" to the midwife.

But once I got in the birthing pool the pain was much easier to cope with and then it all seemed to happen very fast. We'd packed a hospital bag full of snacks and things to help pass the time after watching people waiting around for hours on One Born Every Minute but I don't think we even opened it until after the baby was born.

I don't really remember the pushing part being painful, I was more scared about not knowing what to do than in pain, but I didn't really have to do anything other than let it happen. I did have to tell the midwife (who according to DP was reading a magazine in the corner), that DD's head was out - I think she arrived a lot faster than anyone expected!

[lifeafterthebigsmoke]

I wish I had known:

• just how long the latent phase of labour can be, especially for first time mothers,and that contrary to the ante-natal class information, it is NOT possible to sleep, bake a cake, go for a long walk or watch a film when in early labour;
  
• just how much pain I would be in before I would be allowed into hospital;
  
• just how long a first time labour can take from start to finish - over 3 days in my case; and
  
• that the smallest bleed can prevent you having access to the birthing pool.

[MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom]

There was definitely a lot of natural instinct.

The biggest help was keeping calm when my birth plan flew out the window and I was induced at 37 weeks - looking at it as a change of plan, rather than the end of my plans, was really helpful.

I didn't have much pain relief but I didn't feel I needed it, it was quite relaxed and calm - apparently I didn't swear until OH took the gas and air away from me, which is rare for me as I'm usually a sailor mouth - and no screaming or anything like that. It was just something that needed to happen, I needed to get her out, so that's what I was going to do

Pushing just came naturally, I just did what felt logical - chin on chest, conserving energy by not screaming, pushing through the pain. And it isn't really pushing into your bum, it's pushing somewhere that's near to your bum but not quite

[ladybirdandsnails]

I had one awful back to back 24 hour labour and was just glad when they agreed to an epidural and eventually forceps her out - I had had enough. Lots of swearing and 'get it out'
No 2 was the opposite and was nearly born in the corridor. I was mainly shouting give me drugs, but it was too late !!

[Poofus]

I have no natural instinct. How do you acquire natural instinct, please?

[ch1134]

It was much much harder than I was led to believe it would be. The books imply that if you think positively you can overcome the pain, but I don't believe that to be true.
My baby was back-to-back and took 24 hours to come.
I really wanted to have him in the water but after 12 hours in the water, writhing about in agony, with contractions every minute, I could take no more. I ended up going by ambulance to hospital for an epidural.
At the time this was a huge relief, but for months afterwards I had flashbacks about what happened next.
Birth to me was a brutal, gory shock. An episiotomy and ventouse birth, epidural, drip, pushing like mad, blood everywhere... and months of pain afterwards.
I feel that had I been better informed it would have been less of a shock.
I do not feel that I had a good experience of birth, despite being very well looked after.

[donnavkebab]

I had an emergency c section under general anaesthetic with my first when I went into labour at 34 weeks with a grade 4 placenta praevia so when I was pregnant with my 2nd I wanted to do everything as naturally as possible... fought hard against consultants rather aggressive opinions and got my natural vbac on a midwife led unit! My second labour explains why everything turned into an emergency dash down the corridor to theatre with my first as my second labour started with contractions already 3 mins apart, no niggles, no period type pains before, nothing! I was in denial trying to do all the things the books tell you to do because they all warn it's a long drawn our process right!? I had a nice hot bath and phoned my mum to look after my little boy, I'm one of five so my mum took one look at me when she got there and told my husband to get me to hospital immediately! She was right I was 10 cm dilated when we got there and 45mins later my daughter was born! I obviously just labour fast! Cold flannel my only pain relief and I felt elated to have achieved the natural birth that I so desperately craved after the trauma of my first! I don't think I would change anything in the lead up to my second labour, I think having to fight so hard for what I wanted made me focus on being as prepared as possible and staying calm, even though it all happened faster than its "supposed" to! I had been preparing my husband my whole pregnancy for the fact that labour is not like it is on the soaps, people don't just go into hard fast pushing stage labour it could take hours or even days and then I did do it like it happens on TV lol!!

[honeyharris]

My labour was very different from what I expected. I attended NCT classes where I got the impression that labour would have a gentle onset and take a long time with my first baby, and that I would be able to breathe and cope with the pain for most of it. However, I woke up at 6am having powerful contractions every 4 minutes. My husband was convinced that they were Braxton Hicks and that I would be turned away from the hospital, however when we arrived two hours later I was already 6 cm dilated.

The pain of the contractions was like nothing that I had ever imagined. I felt that I knew how to push during labour, though I wouldn't have known when to start pushing without having being told as the pain was worse when I pushed than when I breathed gas and air through the contractions.

I had wanted an active labour but once I had been given diamorphine I was unable to get off the bed. I had a natural instinct to be on my knees during the first part of pushing, however the midwives suggested I lie on the bed after a while of pushing this way which I did as I was quite frightened and had put my faith in them despite it being different to what I had learned. Also I was pushing for nearly 3 hours as my baby had his hand against his face which made him get stuck while he was crowning until i got an episiotomy.

There isn't anything that I wished I had known about the labour, I think if I had known how painful and sudden my labour would be and that I would be pushing for so long I would have been absolutely terrified! I had asked for an episiotomy and didn't get one as the anaethetist was busy, and I hadn't known this could happen either. At least learning about the breathing etc. gave me the illusion that I would have control. I would have liked to know more about the recovery as I had quite a lot of stitches from tearing and the episiotomy so would have benefited from using a support cushion after the birth I think.

[Reastie]

I had a failed induction and then a c section. I wish I'd known that it is relatively common for the induction pessary to fall out. Mine fell out multiple times (every time I went to the loo, and I was very careful to keep it in). The mws made me feel like there was something wrong with me for this happening (I ended out with another type of pessary and lots of tuts from mw in my direction).

I also would have liked to know that in the csection the drugs made me feel confused and spaced out and very weird. I assumed I would feel normal in myself but just with no pain and I didn't feel any pain, but I did feel thoroughly weird, and spent the whole time saying 'I feel weird, is this normal' .

Oh, and during bfing the first night at hospital I got a blister on my nipple because I didn't realise babies move when feeding and you may need to adjust/reattach them. I got the nurse to help me latch on and then thought that was is and was too embarrassed to check/ask when it started hurting.

And incase you didn't know, that cup of tea they give you afterwards will be the best cup of tea you ever have.

[IHeartLockhart]

With DS1 I couldn't really imagine what labour would be like as I'd read so many peoples different experiences of it that there wasn't one clear image in my mind about it. I knew it would hurt but had no idea how much and how badly I'd cope with that pain. I ended up having an epidural very early on and not really experiencing labour properly (to my mind). The pushing bit was led by my midwife and took ages, much longer than I expected. It wasn't a bad experience compared to some but I didn't feel happy about it either. I felt like a cop out for choosing an epidural so early.

With DS2 I felt a lot more prepared after already experiencing it once before. I knew how much the contractions would hurt and was determined not to chicken out this time. As soon as I'd experienced 20 minutes of them though I was screaming for an epidural! My midwife was great and calmed me down, got me in the bath with G&A and I managed to get in the zone.
I was amazed at how little intervention there was this time, my body was doing it all and I could feel myself pushing without making a conscious decision to.

I'd also read that 2nd births take around 6-8 hours usually so when I could feel myself pushing after 2 1/2 hours I remember shouting that I can't push yet, I've still got another 3 hours to go!

2nd time round was so much better than I was expecting.